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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 341753" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>He's 26? Here's what you say.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: Navy">"why won't you help me? I'm your only son!"</span> <span style="color: Black"><em>Why don't you become your own man? I can't make these decisions for you! Decide what you're going to do then do it. I have two other children, and they've grown up. Your job now is to grow up and mine was to let you go a long time ago.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span><span style="color: Navy">"no you don't (love me), if you did you'd help me".</span> <span style="color: Black"><em>A mother's only job with her children is to teach them to be independent. She gets 18 years to do that and clearly somehow I've failed you until now. Now I'm going to let you be independent. If you want my help, sign over all of your legal and constitutional rights to me and I will have you institutionalized until you can figure out how to be a man.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span><span style="color: Navy">"You have no idea what kind of stress I'm under!"</span> <span style="color: Black"><em>I know exactly what kind of stress you're under because you're a spoiled bully and you lay it at my feet. Then you walk away from it because you think that makes it my problem and you don't really give a care about your problems or my happiness and go on to create more stress for yourself which you in turn lay at my feet the next time you don't like the mess you've gotten yourself into and want to blame me because you can't accept the consequences of any of the bad decisions that you have made in your life.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><em>There's the door, don't let it hit you in the behind on your way out.</em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><em></em></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">Today is the first day of the rest of your lives. Whether he changes his life is irrelevant. He's 26 years old. It's time for you to become your own person again. The only way that you can make this worse is if you keep letting him talk to you like this without telling him where to get off. Stop letting him make you miserable. Stop letting him blame everything on you. He can make all the mistakes in the world he wants but they're not your mistakes, so don't own them. Just as if he discovered the cure for aids that would be his discovery and you couldn't own that either. Time for you to walk away. If you can't bring yourself to say any of the things that Crazy or I recommend, just walk away. You don't owe him the ability to abuse and blame you.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black">FWIW, don't let him dictate the topic of the conversation. All of these things are about how you failed him. So what? You did or you didn't. It doesn't matter either way. There's no need to defend yourself because you have two other happy healthy adult children which clearly proves that you're a good mother. What matters is how we live our lives today and the rest of our lives. Change the conversation, and don't participate in that one any more.</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 341753, member: 99"] He's 26? Here's what you say. [COLOR=Navy]"why won't you help me? I'm your only son!"[/COLOR] [COLOR=Black][I]Why don't you become your own man? I can't make these decisions for you! Decide what you're going to do then do it. I have two other children, and they've grown up. Your job now is to grow up and mine was to let you go a long time ago.[/I] [/COLOR][COLOR=Navy]"no you don't (love me), if you did you'd help me".[/COLOR] [COLOR=Black][I]A mother's only job with her children is to teach them to be independent. She gets 18 years to do that and clearly somehow I've failed you until now. Now I'm going to let you be independent. If you want my help, sign over all of your legal and constitutional rights to me and I will have you institutionalized until you can figure out how to be a man.[/I] [/COLOR][COLOR=Navy]"You have no idea what kind of stress I'm under!"[/COLOR] [COLOR=Black][I]I know exactly what kind of stress you're under because you're a spoiled bully and you lay it at my feet. Then you walk away from it because you think that makes it my problem and you don't really give a care about your problems or my happiness and go on to create more stress for yourself which you in turn lay at my feet the next time you don't like the mess you've gotten yourself into and want to blame me because you can't accept the consequences of any of the bad decisions that you have made in your life. There's the door, don't let it hit you in the behind on your way out. [/I] Today is the first day of the rest of your lives. Whether he changes his life is irrelevant. He's 26 years old. It's time for you to become your own person again. The only way that you can make this worse is if you keep letting him talk to you like this without telling him where to get off. Stop letting him make you miserable. Stop letting him blame everything on you. He can make all the mistakes in the world he wants but they're not your mistakes, so don't own them. Just as if he discovered the cure for aids that would be his discovery and you couldn't own that either. Time for you to walk away. If you can't bring yourself to say any of the things that Crazy or I recommend, just walk away. You don't owe him the ability to abuse and blame you. FWIW, don't let him dictate the topic of the conversation. All of these things are about how you failed him. So what? You did or you didn't. It doesn't matter either way. There's no need to defend yourself because you have two other happy healthy adult children which clearly proves that you're a good mother. What matters is how we live our lives today and the rest of our lives. Change the conversation, and don't participate in that one any more. [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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