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General Parenting
Need help with "misplaced anger"
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 145959" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I wish I knew how to deal with this misplaced anger. I have been dealing with that for almost 17 years now. At the age of six your difficult child doesn't realize that she is taking her anger out on you because she is adopted. I'm not sure my difficult child realizes it at 16. She has been told by therapists that she has been spending her entire life being angry at us (me especially) for adopting her rather than being angry at her birthmother. For years we carefully avoided that topic until finally two years ago when I told her I was tired of her taking out her anger on me and it was not my fault that her birthmother could not parent her and that someday I hoped she would be able to get rid of that anger. I'm not suggesting you say anything like that, I just wanted you to know that I understand and so do many other adoptive moms.</p><p></p><p>I have often heard some adoptive mom's say their children do not have adoption issues. That is what this misplaced anger really is. They don't understand that it has anything to do with their adoption but the mom's bear the brunt of it because they don't understand the role the dad has in it at all. My difficult child thought I took her and my husband away from her birthmom.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 145959, member: 59"] I wish I knew how to deal with this misplaced anger. I have been dealing with that for almost 17 years now. At the age of six your difficult child doesn't realize that she is taking her anger out on you because she is adopted. I'm not sure my difficult child realizes it at 16. She has been told by therapists that she has been spending her entire life being angry at us (me especially) for adopting her rather than being angry at her birthmother. For years we carefully avoided that topic until finally two years ago when I told her I was tired of her taking out her anger on me and it was not my fault that her birthmother could not parent her and that someday I hoped she would be able to get rid of that anger. I'm not suggesting you say anything like that, I just wanted you to know that I understand and so do many other adoptive moms. I have often heard some adoptive mom's say their children do not have adoption issues. That is what this misplaced anger really is. They don't understand that it has anything to do with their adoption but the mom's bear the brunt of it because they don't understand the role the dad has in it at all. My difficult child thought I took her and my husband away from her birthmom. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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Need help with "misplaced anger"
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