I am just wondering how those of you with adopted difficult children have dealt with what seems to be misplaced anger toward Mom. N has been very defiant and quick to blow up at me, but can be told the exact same thing by husband and has no problem. I can't help but believe that she is expressing anger at bio-mom. We are using various techniques to calm her when she starts (count to 10, blow out the anger, etc), but I would like some advice on how to help her understand what is going on, why she is so angry, and how to express it without allowing her to be inappropriate with me. I have discussed with her that sometimes kids in her situation get angry over what has happened before and don't realize why they are mad, but I need more help. This is getting worse, to the point that in the last few weeks she has become physically aggressive to me (small stuff but still no fun) and I feel that we really need to get a handle on it before the physical stuff becomes a habit or turns into big stuff. TIA.