need help

[Bananaz4MyKdz]

hi there. i have asked some questions in the past and frequently view the forums for advice but i am still in need of alot of help.

here goes. i am a single mom to three kids. ages 14,11, and 8.

the two younger are my boys.
my 11 year old was formally diagnosis as having early onset child bipolar, add, odd and learning disabilities. was in counseling and placed on medications.

my 8 year old was diagnosed as adhd and odd they mentioned bipolar but didnt diagnose him as such. he too attended counseling and was placed on medications.

currently both boys are out of counseling and off of medications. we went thru a hardship and lost our home and ended up having to move to another county. they are now on a waiting list to get into counseling to resume their services. (i didnt know you had to be on a waiting list to get muchneeded help) but thats the way it is here. i am also looking for a good doctor here as i am not familiar with the city.

the school they are in is so-so i guess. my 11 year old has an IEP and recieves RSP (pulled out everyday for about thirty minutes to review math and reading) but is still testing below grade level(he already was held back once), doesnt do ANY homework, gets very frustrated but they say since he is quiet in class they just let him slide!!!(this is not helping him)

now my 8 year old in school is a whole different story, he has already been sent home several times and suspended twice and they all blame me because if he doesnt listen then i must be doing something wrong of course.. he is sent home for talking to much, whistling(he does this 24/7) singing to himself, drawing pictures or whatever and not completing work. or he will ask to go to the bathroom and wander around for a bit before returning to class. his teacher says this is rude uncooperative behavior and puts him to the office where he sits and does the same and gets sent home. this makes him sad cause he likes school but he says it is boring and his teacher is constantly nagging him in fromt of the class.
his prinicipal even went so far as to threaten to call his dad(who is not in the home) and when he cried about this he pulled me in the office and said because of his reaction maybe he should involve his dad.(little did he know he reacted this way because there is domestic abuse as well as other violent and negative behaviors that go on over there and that is why he isnt involved) i thought this was cruel.

i know i am rambling but i dont have anybody else to talk to and i get so frustrated.
i have thought about placing him on homeschool but i really need to go back to work although that is also hit and miss because i cant keep my 8 year old in many because he has "too much energy" for the daycare he was in and they dont know if they want to take himback.

any advice or just any words are appreciated.
forgive me if i get on here and just start venting but it does make me feel better.

 

[BusynMember]

Calm down. (I know, easier said than done, but there are answers). If you go to county mental health services, which is necessary in some situations, you may not be getting the best diagnosing. I'm wonder what type of doctor diagnosed your oldest son. He has some red flags for something that could be misdiagnosed as bipolar (happened to my son) and I doubt a county psycologist would know what to look for or how to see it. Can he get evaluated by a neuropsychologist through the county? Do you have Medicaid? If so, perhaps he can get an evaluation through a university hospital. They often take Medicaid. I'm saying this because I don't think they've gotten to the root cause of why you son allegedly misbehaves. I also don't think he is trying or meaning to be rude, and I think the school has no understanding of what they are dealing with (and are unlikely to figure anything out until it is spelled out for them). It took us years to get the right diagnosis. for our son. We were dealing with marginal income and Medicaid too, so I know all about county mental health services, but all things behavioral are NOT always due to mental health/psychiatric disorders or ADHD. Some are strictly neurological, but present as "bad behaviors." I'd want to get another opinion and an evaluation by both a board certified Child Psychiatrist and a NeuroPsycologist (the neuropsychologist will do intensive testing to see if his performance and behavior backs up the diagnosis, which are often wrong in young kids). I looked hard and found some good resources that took Wisconsin State Insurance. Now I don't know how it is in California. Wisconsin is excellent about accepting medical assistance. Our entire neuropsychologist evaulation, done by a private neuropsychologist for twelve hours, was covered. Our Univerisity Hospital Psychiatrist was covered (although he never got my son right). I'd call around and see your options. You may have more than you think. Hugs and you'll get other advice here. But keep an open mind about why your son may be acting the way he is. Sadly, often the first diagnosis. isn't the right one. if it is, he badly needs medications.

 

[Loris]

Sounds like you really have a full plate. Are you in contact with the Dept of Mental Health? Maybe there is a possibility that they can see him sooner? If you can, I would try for that. It does get so frustrating when there is a long wait period.

 

[Bananaz4MyKdz]

yes he has medication-ical and we are on a limited income. the waiting list he is on is through the county mental health department. what is the difference between a mental disorder and a neuro disorder.?
my mom is bipolar and schizophrenic with hallucinations and all that and manic depressive with several suicide attempts back in my teenage years and my older brother is also diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenic but he refuses to take medications and has been in and out of jails and prisons since his early teen years.

you mentioned neuro disorders vs mental disorders...what is the difference.

 

[TerryJ2]

"I also don't think he is trying or meaning to be rude, and I think the school has no understanding of what they are dealing with"


I agree. Especially since he said he likes school.
So sorry for what you're going through!
I agree, homeschooling is not the best choice when you need to go out and make some $, especially since you need a break from your kids (don't know if you asked for advice or agreement but I'm doing it anyway,LOL!).

Stay in touch. You'll get lots of advice here... way more than I can give.
I can offer a soft shoulder and cup of tea.

 

[Bananaz4MyKdz]

i think i rambled so much it got confusing...

my 8 year old is the hyper one that whistles alot and gets sent home. my own litl energizer bunny so to speak. generally a happy kid just has wayyyyy toooooo much energy for one litl person.

my 11 year old is the one that is mean to his younger brother. as well as his older sister and others as well. he can be nice at times and polite and his mood swings can switch at the blink of an eye. he can go from being sweet to throwing things across the house to crying like an infant wishing he was dead. it breaks my heart because i dont know how to help him. he doesnt like being told what to do by anybody really. he just has so much anger inside and has the hardest time expressing it in a positive way. he hates school.
when he was younger he was a headbanger and as he got older he would hit and kick the walls and put holes in them and put his fist through a window when he was seven. now i dont know of this behavior fits a bipolar diagnosis or what but i would sure like to know so i can get on the right path to help him out.
thanks again and i gratefully accept any and all advice.

 

[BusynMember]

Any bipolar or mood disorders in the family tree? Did he have any delays in speech or anything else? Who diagnosed him? He sounds like there's a lot going on, but nobody here can tell you what it is. Sometimes, the sad thing is, even the pros don't know, which is why i tried to cover every base by seeing a Child Psychiatrist and a neuropsychologist. The neuropsychologist did a lot of tesing. The psychiatrist didnt' do any, just said "bipolar." To this day, I don't know why he thought so. My son doesn't rage. He is on the autism spectrum and at the first appointment, he ran in and out of the office (he loved to run and likes doorknobs). He started obsessing about a certain game he wanted me to rent (typical autistic behavior) and then started crying when I wouldn't go rent it right away (again, typical for the spectrum, but can also be mistaken for bipolar moodiness). Turned out that the psychiatrist, who is really a very good psychiatrist, didn't know squat about high functioning autism. For three years my kid was on potent bipolar medications that he didn't need. He's been off medications for three years now and he's fine. That's why i think it's good to get opinions from different types of professionals. People are so specialized now. Psychiatrist don't know about neuroloigcal disorders. It's not their field. Neurologists don't test for anything other than epilepsy and things they can tangibly see. It's a mess. We've seen professionals of all stripes, and the one I feel paid the most attention to my son was the neuropsychologist. He didn't give a "first visit" diagnosis or suggest medications. He really studied my kid's behavior, tested him, got all his records from school, etc. and made me fill out a gazillion forms before saying, "This is what I think is wrong. I could be wrong. ANYBODY could be wrong because there are no blood tests." It turned out he was right, and he was also truthful. It's all a stab in the dark and I get nervous, after what we went thru, when doctors do diagnoses in one visit and without any sort of testing to point him in a direction. You kid MAY be bipolar, but it's always smart to have fresh evaluations every so often. As the kids get older, new stuff shows up and the psychiatric and neurological fields also get new information. I feel for you. This is such a tiring process and can get sooooooooo discouraging.

 

[busywend]

Welcome to the site!
So sorry for your hardship that caused you to have to go backward with your difficult children.

How were the medications working? Can you get old psychiatrist to get you in with someone in your new county? They will need to transfer records - perhaps he/she can recommend someone.

Sounds like the school needs to be reminded of the IEP goals. What of this whistling? Does he even realize he is doing it? Can he not stop? The school should have him go to a resource room until he can stop whistling. There should be things in place to assist him.

 

[Barbara]

I know that i could not find a neuropsychologist that took any insurance, and the pediatrician. psychiatric's that accept our medicaid plan have long waiting lists. Early on I decided to have my son treated by a pediatric nerologists. This is covered under medical benefits, not mental health benefits and often easier to find when dealing with insurance. The Neurologists handles all of his medications. he does get counseling but not that provided by medicaid.

Just a option to the waiting list.