Need Help

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by STRESSEDTOMAX, Dec 11, 2007.




    My name is Chris and though I have been a member for awhile I have not posted or really been on the site. I am having alot of problems with my depression and concentration lately so forgive me if I can only give basics right now. I would appreciate any advice.

    My difficult child is my son, Thomas. He is 6 and in first grade. He has an IEP which is doing nothing. He sees a psychiatric (or actually, I have been seeing him and telling him how things are going)and is on tenex. There is no doubt in my mind that he has ODD and we had a major blowup yesterday where he was throwing objects at me while I was driving and was verbally abusive to me.

    He is behaving badly in school-everyday he is arguing with the teacher, refusing to do things, etc. My heart breaks for this child but I am at the end of my rope. I have 2 older children and would never in a million years have thought that I would have a child like this.

    I have a call in to the principal now and want a meeting with him, the teacher, the psychologist. I also want another IEP meeting. I realize that I have to get proactive with this. I hope to God I have the energy.

    Thank you all in advance for any help.

  2. I'm going crazy!!!

    I'm going crazy!!! New Member

    The first thing you need to do is get "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene it will not only give some very good ways to deal with your son but it will also explain why he is the way he is which can be so very helpful in dealing with your son. I think it may also be very helpful for your son to see a professional. Is the Tenex helping at all? How often is he getting it? Has he been tested or seen by a professional and if so what kind of testing/professionals? Sorry for all the questions. It would be really helpful if you could go to your profile and set up a signature. I am 3/4 of the way through Dr. Greene's book and I love it. It has already helped me tremendously!! AND IT'S VERY REALISTIC as to what to expect. Good luck my prayers are with ya'll and don't give up keep pushing and writing to us. May God give you the strength, energy, patience & wisdom you will need to raise this precious child He has graced you with. Keep repeating those words and eventually you do see the the good and not just the bad. love ya
  3. saman

    saman New Member

    I don't have advice so much as ((HUGS)). Our IEP is being worked on now.

    If he's not seeing a therapist of some sort, I think that's a great first step. I had consulted a biofeedback doctor for Parker and explained some of the things we had done for him and mentioned some behavior therapy and his immediate response was that behavior therapy usually is a very positive thing for an ODD kid. Firm and 'just the way it is' kind of approach.

    ODD kids (at least mine) do not know how to calm themselves very well. The approach we used, while not for the feint of heart, worked. He has to calm himself now before talking to us. Period. And he knows it!

    And yes, proactive. You have no choice as the SD certainly isn't going to lead you down a path that creates more work for them! Our SD is actually been very good, but I also think they realize I know mostly what I'm talking about...Score one for the warrior moms!

    Hang in there...and keep fighting! ((HUGS))
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Chris, welcome!

    Sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction:
    What kind of doctors have evaluated your son? Is the psychiatric a psychologist or psychiatrist?
    Besides Tenex, has he trialed any other medications?
    Is he better, worse or about the same on the Tenex?
    How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any speech or developmental delays?
    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing tags, food textures, loud noises, for example)?
    Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?

    In general, ODD is not a diagnosis unto itself but a symptom of an underlying disorder. Once the underlying disorder is identified and treated, the ODD behaviors typically subside.

    Again, welcome.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Chris,

    You need to keep the hope. Your son is young and early intervention is a great step is helping your difficult child succeed in the future, both academically and socially.

    Your son is probably not the first kid the school has seen that has behaved this way and he surely will not be the last. But, if they have not had experience with this before, you will be a trail blazer! He needs to have some behavior interventions in place. Has the school done a Functional Behaviorial Analysis (FBA) resulting in a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP)? They need to work hand in hand with you. The IEP team, including including his teacher, need to sit and see if they can identify some triggers, i.e., time of the day, particular subject, particular social situation, ect., where his behavior is more likey to worrsen. Then you all need to come up with plan of action that will lessen or shorten his behavior issues. A reward system for kids your son's age are a great addition to the BIP.

    I will second (or was it third) the suggestion of reading "The Explosive Child".

    Your young one needs to get into some type of therapy, at least that is my opinion. As smallworld said, ODD rarely stands alone. It really is more a term that encompases a miriad of behavior issues that can accompany several disoders (ADHD, BiPolar (BP), etc.) I would suggest some additional testing for your son. What diagnosis led to his qualification for an IEP? What type of services does he qualify under his IEP.

    Hang in there.

  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Chris!

    Another (very strong) vote for requesting an FBA and BIP (with emphasis on positive behavioral interventions as opposed to "punishments") at school for your son. I also have to highly recommend The Explosive Child and I am not a self-help book kind of person. First time I read it, I laughed out loud (and I sure wasn't laughing much in those days :wink: ) because he just so gets our challenging kids. At the time, I was sure I had the only "explosive child". Aside from really good practical advice about how to prioritize what behaviors to address *now* and what behaviors you might want to let slide while you address the really important ones, it's also just so comforting to know that there really are other kids out there who behave and think similarly to your son.

    Do remember to take care of yourself too. Having a difficult child can be a marathon. I know it sometimes seems too hard/time consuming/inconvenient to do self-care but I think it's a big part of being a successful parent and advocate for your child. Moms need TLC too.

    Glad you came out to say "hi". Hang in there!
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Chris, one thing I know for sure is when you are pursuing the IEP route you need to have knowledge on the process. You should really head over to the Special Education 101 section of this site and start reading up. It is time consuming and difficult to get your arms around, but the mods there are very knowledgeable about school assistance and the laws.

    There is also the archives to see some really important posts that we felt needed to be saved for future members to reference.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome. Your difficult child reminds me a lot of mine at that age. Ditto on what everyone else has said-he definitely needs a BIP and it needs to be followed consistently.

    It really is important to be taking care of yourself, as much as we love our difficult children they can wear us out. Hugs.