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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 405398" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>My response is going to be different and probably not well received. Sorry about that but after fifty years of parenting full time (including steps and grandsons that only recently moved out) I'm going to respond to you as I would a friend. Please don't take it personally.</p><p> </p><p>This is <strong>not </strong>your ptoblem. This is the problem of your SO. I've been a CD family member for over ten years and time and time again the newly introduced step Mom assumes the role of family guardian and parent. The bioDad coasts or hides or defers all power to his new SO. I have noted your occupation. I am a doer, a leader, a manager, a business owner....difficult child problems have brought me to my knees time and time again. You can not fix her. You should not give up your life trying to undo what has happened over a period of many years. Even if your have an IQ of 200 and wings sent from heaven...you can't do it and you'll have alot of pain trying.</p><p> </p><p>If your SO is not prepared to step up to the plate, find therapists, find psychiatrists, deal with the issues of education, impose reasonable rules and be responsible that they are followed without your</p><p>urging and leadership.... You will find that you have opted to follow a path unlike any you ever expected. Even in long term marriages if <strong>both </strong>parenting adults are not on the same page daily it is a miserable parenting road.</p><p> </p><p>I have given this advice twice to new CD people. I have no reason to believe either found wisdom in my suggestions. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /> But...believe me I am very sincere. on the other hand I won't repeat myself and hope that if you post again I will offer as much support as I can. Wishing you the best. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 405398, member: 35"] My response is going to be different and probably not well received. Sorry about that but after fifty years of parenting full time (including steps and grandsons that only recently moved out) I'm going to respond to you as I would a friend. Please don't take it personally. This is [B]not [/B]your ptoblem. This is the problem of your SO. I've been a CD family member for over ten years and time and time again the newly introduced step Mom assumes the role of family guardian and parent. The bioDad coasts or hides or defers all power to his new SO. I have noted your occupation. I am a doer, a leader, a manager, a business owner....difficult child problems have brought me to my knees time and time again. You can not fix her. You should not give up your life trying to undo what has happened over a period of many years. Even if your have an IQ of 200 and wings sent from heaven...you can't do it and you'll have alot of pain trying. If your SO is not prepared to step up to the plate, find therapists, find psychiatrists, deal with the issues of education, impose reasonable rules and be responsible that they are followed without your urging and leadership.... You will find that you have opted to follow a path unlike any you ever expected. Even in long term marriages if [B]both [/B]parenting adults are not on the same page daily it is a miserable parenting road. I have given this advice twice to new CD people. I have no reason to believe either found wisdom in my suggestions. :surprise: But...believe me I am very sincere. on the other hand I won't repeat myself and hope that if you post again I will offer as much support as I can. Wishing you the best. DDD [/QUOTE]
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