Hi. I am hesitant to reply cause I know so little about your situation and don't know much anyway, but you did ask for gut feelings. Mine are that you should take her to the place that is closer and that will address ALL her issues in tandem and not by force (ie: feeding tube). You said you can visit her there. She will not be shut away from you completely.
You need to keep yourself sane, too, meaning allowing yourself a chance to regroup and get your home back in order to be at your best when the time comes to all be together again.. I also think her issues are probably linked or at least work in tandem with each other. May trigger each other. Even if they managed to "solve" her food phobia in the other place, when she comes home and you begin working on the other issues I think it could put her at risk of relasping back into it. JMO.
