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Need opinions on behavior modification technique
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 432760" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Jen,</p><p></p><p>anything is worth a try as long as it is not harmful or destructive to difficult child or the family! We moms usually know what is going to work with our children. Your mom obviously loves you very much to have purchased the program for your family. I say listen the cds, read The Explosive Child and then customize based on results. My son, especially when younger but also now at 15.5, is most responsive to calm, respectful conversation where he feels he is being heard. </p><p></p><p>Constant yelling, badgering, picking, nagging, just don't work with him. For example, here's a conversation close to one we had a few weeks ago, "difficult child, since I'm going to be working more, I'm not going to really have the time to do some of the things I used to do when you were in school. I'm going to need your help on a few things." He actually asked me what I needed him to do. If I've asked him three times to do something, one thing I think about is was he really tuned in when I asked. Making sure there is eye contact is really important for our mutual understanding. Saying to him, "now difficult child, I've asked you three times to go ahead and get your stuff cleaned up in the computer room. How would you feel if you had to ask me three times to take you to the drug store to get one of your game cards and I didn't respond?" </p><p></p><p>I found that living and speaking by example are the biggest keys now that he is older along with mutual respect. When he was much younger the biggest, biggest, biggest key was clear, concise expectations set with him going into each scenario and setting the consequences just as clear (in other words, asking if he understand and having him repeat them) and FOLLOWING THRU.</p><p></p><p>It took some time, when he was younger, to develop the relationship to this point. It was a journey. But now that he is a teen, I'm so glad I put in the extra effort because it has made a huge difference in not only his ability to live within the boundaries of our house rules, but made it so that we are not arguing all the time which really takes a toll on the parent/child relationship.</p><p></p><p>And, trust me, my difficult child is as stubborn and single-minded as they come! He takes after his father in that <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/whoopdedoo.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":whoopdedoo:" title="whoopdedoo :whoopdedoo:" data-shortname=":whoopdedoo:" /></p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 432760, member: 805"] Jen, anything is worth a try as long as it is not harmful or destructive to difficult child or the family! We moms usually know what is going to work with our children. Your mom obviously loves you very much to have purchased the program for your family. I say listen the cds, read The Explosive Child and then customize based on results. My son, especially when younger but also now at 15.5, is most responsive to calm, respectful conversation where he feels he is being heard. Constant yelling, badgering, picking, nagging, just don't work with him. For example, here's a conversation close to one we had a few weeks ago, "difficult child, since I'm going to be working more, I'm not going to really have the time to do some of the things I used to do when you were in school. I'm going to need your help on a few things." He actually asked me what I needed him to do. If I've asked him three times to do something, one thing I think about is was he really tuned in when I asked. Making sure there is eye contact is really important for our mutual understanding. Saying to him, "now difficult child, I've asked you three times to go ahead and get your stuff cleaned up in the computer room. How would you feel if you had to ask me three times to take you to the drug store to get one of your game cards and I didn't respond?" I found that living and speaking by example are the biggest keys now that he is older along with mutual respect. When he was much younger the biggest, biggest, biggest key was clear, concise expectations set with him going into each scenario and setting the consequences just as clear (in other words, asking if he understand and having him repeat them) and FOLLOWING THRU. It took some time, when he was younger, to develop the relationship to this point. It was a journey. But now that he is a teen, I'm so glad I put in the extra effort because it has made a huge difference in not only his ability to live within the boundaries of our house rules, but made it so that we are not arguing all the time which really takes a toll on the parent/child relationship. And, trust me, my difficult child is as stubborn and single-minded as they come! He takes after his father in that :whoopdedoo: Sharon [/QUOTE]
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