Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need School Advise
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 330989" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Poor kid! My heart goes out to him. Along with EVERYTHING else you are working with, I would like to point out one more thing. Socialization. My difficult child was in 5th grade when he was hospitalized for 2 weeks the end of October. Before that, he struggled with his anxiety on an every second basis. It was very hard for him to attend school even with me taking him and sitting in the classroom. All the kids in our very small school were thinking just like me, "What is wrong with difficult child?" They were concerned but because of his actions, he was not bonding with his classmates as the year progressed.</p><p> </p><p>Then, after the psychiatric hospital and working very hard using his tools to overcome his anxiety, he tried to become part of the classroom again. It wasn't working well. His behaviour up to that point was so horrid that the kids did not trust him. He did not feel like he belonged and the unwanted behaviours grew. These were kids he grew up with but he missed out of over 2 months of regular school interactions and it was like he was a new kid.</p><p> </p><p>I bring this up just as something to look at. Maybe the other kids are not "bonding" with him and he feels left out on the socialization level?</p><p> </p><p>I would also tend to ease up on the discipline of no fun things when he behaves as such. I think he is feeling trapped. Kindergartners usually love to do their work - it is fun to them. They are proud to show Mom what they can do. I think that your difficult child is not happy with what he can do. I know that you are feeling he may be doing this on purpose and when it gets to the point where you are now, that is very common. I trust your instincts because you are his mom and are the one that can truely "read" him. Right now, this is feeling like a power struggle and you have to let go of that rope or learn to pull from a different angle.</p><p> </p><p>It is so hard to see a kindergartener who is not enjoying school. That is the one year that most people really do enjoy school. Your job is to try to show your son the joy in Kindergarten. That will be very difficult if not near impossible as your top priority is figuring out what is medically going on. Until you find that right combination of medical and therapy (some people go through oodles of different medications until they find the right fit for their child and then redo as the child outgrows that medication), you are living through difficult days.</p><p> </p><p>So, I am not the right person to ask about the medical side of things (no experience or knowledge), but I do like to try to help with the day to day life living. My advise is: 1. Does your child have a friend that he can play with a few times a month? Someone to look forward to spending time with? 2. Kindergarten often provides opportunities for parental involvement such as snacks on special days. Can you work with the teacher to provide a special snack or a fun day end activity. The other kids may start looking at your difficult child in a more positive light - he has a "cool" mom. 3. Try a sympathetic approach when you pick him up. "Oh, another bad day! I feel sad that you are sad/mad/angry. Let's go home. We can sit together and you can tell me what is wrong. Maybe we can figure out a plan so it will not happen tomorrow." 4. Make some very short term goals - daily goals for him to focus on. May have to be one goal each day (can be same goal until it is conquered). Something that he can achieve and feel good about such as "no throwing anything", "no banging your head", "no biting". Give a small reward each day for achieving the goal (choose a show to watch, go for a walk with mom, play a game with mom). 5. Ask the teacher for work he can do at home. As you help him with it, you may be able to pick up some of what is going on. What are the areas he is struggling most with? 6. Point out as much positive as you can, "Wow, you sure got ready for school fast this morning", "Thank you for putting away your toys", "I enjoyed watching t.v. with you last night".</p><p> </p><p>It does seem like he is not comfortable with the school psychologist and principal. I would say whatever they are doing is definitly not working. They may have more of a judgemental approach "You stop that right now" rather than a "I see you are upset what do you need to help calm down" approach. Atleast your difficult child may feel that way (my difficult child thinks anyone in authority that states anything negativly is mean). Some of difficult child's teachers who I respect to the max, difficult child thinks are mean and I just don't see it. Is it possible for you to spend a day at school out of sight from your difficult child as possible and watch the process of going from classroom to calling you? You may see a trigger.</p><p> </p><p>Continue with testings (many people have to fight to get the testings needed to diagnosis - it is a blessing that you have the school's referral) - your difficult child is screaming for help. He really is having a hard time doing school work and there is a reason. Keep looking, you will find it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 330989, member: 5096"] Poor kid! My heart goes out to him. Along with EVERYTHING else you are working with, I would like to point out one more thing. Socialization. My difficult child was in 5th grade when he was hospitalized for 2 weeks the end of October. Before that, he struggled with his anxiety on an every second basis. It was very hard for him to attend school even with me taking him and sitting in the classroom. All the kids in our very small school were thinking just like me, "What is wrong with difficult child?" They were concerned but because of his actions, he was not bonding with his classmates as the year progressed. Then, after the psychiatric hospital and working very hard using his tools to overcome his anxiety, he tried to become part of the classroom again. It wasn't working well. His behaviour up to that point was so horrid that the kids did not trust him. He did not feel like he belonged and the unwanted behaviours grew. These were kids he grew up with but he missed out of over 2 months of regular school interactions and it was like he was a new kid. I bring this up just as something to look at. Maybe the other kids are not "bonding" with him and he feels left out on the socialization level? I would also tend to ease up on the discipline of no fun things when he behaves as such. I think he is feeling trapped. Kindergartners usually love to do their work - it is fun to them. They are proud to show Mom what they can do. I think that your difficult child is not happy with what he can do. I know that you are feeling he may be doing this on purpose and when it gets to the point where you are now, that is very common. I trust your instincts because you are his mom and are the one that can truely "read" him. Right now, this is feeling like a power struggle and you have to let go of that rope or learn to pull from a different angle. It is so hard to see a kindergartener who is not enjoying school. That is the one year that most people really do enjoy school. Your job is to try to show your son the joy in Kindergarten. That will be very difficult if not near impossible as your top priority is figuring out what is medically going on. Until you find that right combination of medical and therapy (some people go through oodles of different medications until they find the right fit for their child and then redo as the child outgrows that medication), you are living through difficult days. So, I am not the right person to ask about the medical side of things (no experience or knowledge), but I do like to try to help with the day to day life living. My advise is: 1. Does your child have a friend that he can play with a few times a month? Someone to look forward to spending time with? 2. Kindergarten often provides opportunities for parental involvement such as snacks on special days. Can you work with the teacher to provide a special snack or a fun day end activity. The other kids may start looking at your difficult child in a more positive light - he has a "cool" mom. 3. Try a sympathetic approach when you pick him up. "Oh, another bad day! I feel sad that you are sad/mad/angry. Let's go home. We can sit together and you can tell me what is wrong. Maybe we can figure out a plan so it will not happen tomorrow." 4. Make some very short term goals - daily goals for him to focus on. May have to be one goal each day (can be same goal until it is conquered). Something that he can achieve and feel good about such as "no throwing anything", "no banging your head", "no biting". Give a small reward each day for achieving the goal (choose a show to watch, go for a walk with mom, play a game with mom). 5. Ask the teacher for work he can do at home. As you help him with it, you may be able to pick up some of what is going on. What are the areas he is struggling most with? 6. Point out as much positive as you can, "Wow, you sure got ready for school fast this morning", "Thank you for putting away your toys", "I enjoyed watching t.v. with you last night". It does seem like he is not comfortable with the school psychologist and principal. I would say whatever they are doing is definitly not working. They may have more of a judgemental approach "You stop that right now" rather than a "I see you are upset what do you need to help calm down" approach. Atleast your difficult child may feel that way (my difficult child thinks anyone in authority that states anything negativly is mean). Some of difficult child's teachers who I respect to the max, difficult child thinks are mean and I just don't see it. Is it possible for you to spend a day at school out of sight from your difficult child as possible and watch the process of going from classroom to calling you? You may see a trigger. Continue with testings (many people have to fight to get the testings needed to diagnosis - it is a blessing that you have the school's referral) - your difficult child is screaming for help. He really is having a hard time doing school work and there is a reason. Keep looking, you will find it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Need School Advise
Top