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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 331005" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK, I seem to be posting in series here! Sorry about that.</p><p></p><p>Your most recent post, you mentioned that you feel he may have, today, thrown a wobbly in order to get out of school (that's great use of parental instinct, by the way).</p><p></p><p>Something you can do, and it's NOT punishment, is ensure that coming home from school does not get him out of schoolwork. This is going to mean that even if he is home with a fever, you need to keep him focussed on schoolwork and it will seem cruel. But you need to find ways that will fit in with what he can do. In our family, the only way out of schoolwork at home (during school hours) is if he is sleeping. He generally will only sleep during the day if he is ill. And even when he was little and would still sometimes have a daytime nap, he worked a lot better when he was well rested.</p><p></p><p>But what can you give him at home?</p><p>First, try the worksheets he has been issued. But you sit with him and try to help him. Get him to TELL you the answers, see if you can at first compromise and you write them down for him. This will help you determine if it's an expressive language problem in general, or an expressive speech problem. There is a difference. Or it will help determine if he is having difficulty understanding what he reads, or even difficulty reading.</p><p></p><p>So - if he is having difficulty reading, lay in a stock of computer-based books such as "Grandma & Me". I saw some really good "Arthur" ones too. They are interactive, a lot of fun and can really help. Letting him loose on those at home during school hours may seem like a reward, but hey, it's still education, it's got value. And it can boost his confidence with reading.</p><p></p><p>Other computer-based educational software is worth considering. Zoombini in its various forms is great logic training. Again, it seems like fun but requires serious brain-work at times.</p><p></p><p>Next - do these yourself. That way you will understand how hard (or not) his brain is working.</p><p></p><p>When all else fails, find a DVD documentary and sit him down to watch it.</p><p></p><p>What you don't do during school hours - is let him play with his toys, unless they can qualify as educational.</p><p></p><p>What you can do when he's been sent home - </p><p></p><p>1) read him a book. Read a book together (it can be one he knows intimately) and take turns reading paragraphs, or reading dialogue (so you each read a different character - in which case, act it out).</p><p></p><p>2) Talk to him about books he knows and likes. Ask him to talk to you about what the book is about. See how well he can do this (or not) - this is valuable information. If he has autism, this will be difficult for him. If he has Asperger's he may be more able to do this. But if he has either - it's one of the best language development exercises. And if he hasn't got either - it's still very good development of expressive language.</p><p></p><p>3) Get him onto educational computer software.</p><p></p><p>4) Watch documentaries or science shows for kids. Watch anything educational even if it's way above age-equivalence for him. It lets him see that education is a spectrum, it is for all ages and abilities. It is also lifelong.</p><p></p><p>5) If he has language issues, let him watch (if they are available) shows designed to teach ESL (English as a Second Language). They are pitched at an adult level (do the person doesn't feel patronised) but still tend to speak slowly, carefully and often with other visual aids to support meaning. If he is well beyond this - great!</p><p></p><p>6) Get him to help you with cooking, shopping, tidying. Work as a team. Emphasise working as a team. "I need you to help me." Thank him for his help even if he did very little - focus on what he did and show him how even that was helpful. "Thank you for holding that door open for me, it allowed me to get more out of the cupboard and that saved me time. Thank you."</p><p></p><p>On the cooking front - have you ever made gnocchi? It's really good for kids to learn and it was recommended to us by difficult child 3's Occupational Therapist (OT) because it helped work his hands, which helped his fingers learn how to move in a more adult way when it came to holding a pencil. We also found that piano lessons helped strengthen his fingers and teach them to move independently of one another.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 used to be sent home a lot from school. The problems increasingly were connected to his extreme anxiety which was becoming worse and worse. Being sent home was reinforcing the anxiety of school and 'rewarding' the anxiety with a quieter, non-school environment. difficult child 3 also was refusing to do work at school. I was amazed at how much he got done (and done well) at home. I avoided any atmosphere of "this is punishment" and this helped get a lot more work done. I let him do the work wherever in the house he wanted. If he chose to do his work on the floor under the dining table, I let him. Of course I encouraged him to sit at the table, but often he found he did better, especially with trickier worksheets, if he could choose where.</p><p></p><p>I also used to poke food at him while he was working - my aim was to set up some positive reinforcement for when he as working well, to help him feel good about working and to feel confident and comfortable.</p><p></p><p>There are many ways to learn. One of my favourite tricks was to take him shopping and get him to find the items on the list. "Quick - I need baked beans. Go find me the most economical baked beans." These days with unit pricing, that is fairly easy. The child needs to learn to read labels, to read price tags and to read the fine print. It is like a treasure hunt.</p><p></p><p>Education should never be used as punishment. It should always be as enjoyable as possible. So even if your child has been sent home as being too out of control, home is not a punishment. But it shouldn't be a reward, either. It is simply respite, although it should also be an alternative location for education and not simply a place to kick back and enjoy life.</p><p></p><p>Also - what happens at school stays at school. If your child misbehaves at home (say, breaks into the pantry and eats an entire pot of jam) you do not ask the school to punish your child. Neither should you have to punish at home for things that happen at school You can support the school, that is different. But if your child hits his teacher, you do not give your child a time-out at home. The best thing you can do at home is sit your child down and make him write an apology. If he can't do it by hand, get him to do it on the computer. Dictate it if necessary, letter by letter. it will help him with any dyslexia!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 331005, member: 1991"] OK, I seem to be posting in series here! Sorry about that. Your most recent post, you mentioned that you feel he may have, today, thrown a wobbly in order to get out of school (that's great use of parental instinct, by the way). Something you can do, and it's NOT punishment, is ensure that coming home from school does not get him out of schoolwork. This is going to mean that even if he is home with a fever, you need to keep him focussed on schoolwork and it will seem cruel. But you need to find ways that will fit in with what he can do. In our family, the only way out of schoolwork at home (during school hours) is if he is sleeping. He generally will only sleep during the day if he is ill. And even when he was little and would still sometimes have a daytime nap, he worked a lot better when he was well rested. But what can you give him at home? First, try the worksheets he has been issued. But you sit with him and try to help him. Get him to TELL you the answers, see if you can at first compromise and you write them down for him. This will help you determine if it's an expressive language problem in general, or an expressive speech problem. There is a difference. Or it will help determine if he is having difficulty understanding what he reads, or even difficulty reading. So - if he is having difficulty reading, lay in a stock of computer-based books such as "Grandma & Me". I saw some really good "Arthur" ones too. They are interactive, a lot of fun and can really help. Letting him loose on those at home during school hours may seem like a reward, but hey, it's still education, it's got value. And it can boost his confidence with reading. Other computer-based educational software is worth considering. Zoombini in its various forms is great logic training. Again, it seems like fun but requires serious brain-work at times. Next - do these yourself. That way you will understand how hard (or not) his brain is working. When all else fails, find a DVD documentary and sit him down to watch it. What you don't do during school hours - is let him play with his toys, unless they can qualify as educational. What you can do when he's been sent home - 1) read him a book. Read a book together (it can be one he knows intimately) and take turns reading paragraphs, or reading dialogue (so you each read a different character - in which case, act it out). 2) Talk to him about books he knows and likes. Ask him to talk to you about what the book is about. See how well he can do this (or not) - this is valuable information. If he has autism, this will be difficult for him. If he has Asperger's he may be more able to do this. But if he has either - it's one of the best language development exercises. And if he hasn't got either - it's still very good development of expressive language. 3) Get him onto educational computer software. 4) Watch documentaries or science shows for kids. Watch anything educational even if it's way above age-equivalence for him. It lets him see that education is a spectrum, it is for all ages and abilities. It is also lifelong. 5) If he has language issues, let him watch (if they are available) shows designed to teach ESL (English as a Second Language). They are pitched at an adult level (do the person doesn't feel patronised) but still tend to speak slowly, carefully and often with other visual aids to support meaning. If he is well beyond this - great! 6) Get him to help you with cooking, shopping, tidying. Work as a team. Emphasise working as a team. "I need you to help me." Thank him for his help even if he did very little - focus on what he did and show him how even that was helpful. "Thank you for holding that door open for me, it allowed me to get more out of the cupboard and that saved me time. Thank you." On the cooking front - have you ever made gnocchi? It's really good for kids to learn and it was recommended to us by difficult child 3's Occupational Therapist (OT) because it helped work his hands, which helped his fingers learn how to move in a more adult way when it came to holding a pencil. We also found that piano lessons helped strengthen his fingers and teach them to move independently of one another. difficult child 3 used to be sent home a lot from school. The problems increasingly were connected to his extreme anxiety which was becoming worse and worse. Being sent home was reinforcing the anxiety of school and 'rewarding' the anxiety with a quieter, non-school environment. difficult child 3 also was refusing to do work at school. I was amazed at how much he got done (and done well) at home. I avoided any atmosphere of "this is punishment" and this helped get a lot more work done. I let him do the work wherever in the house he wanted. If he chose to do his work on the floor under the dining table, I let him. Of course I encouraged him to sit at the table, but often he found he did better, especially with trickier worksheets, if he could choose where. I also used to poke food at him while he was working - my aim was to set up some positive reinforcement for when he as working well, to help him feel good about working and to feel confident and comfortable. There are many ways to learn. One of my favourite tricks was to take him shopping and get him to find the items on the list. "Quick - I need baked beans. Go find me the most economical baked beans." These days with unit pricing, that is fairly easy. The child needs to learn to read labels, to read price tags and to read the fine print. It is like a treasure hunt. Education should never be used as punishment. It should always be as enjoyable as possible. So even if your child has been sent home as being too out of control, home is not a punishment. But it shouldn't be a reward, either. It is simply respite, although it should also be an alternative location for education and not simply a place to kick back and enjoy life. Also - what happens at school stays at school. If your child misbehaves at home (say, breaks into the pantry and eats an entire pot of jam) you do not ask the school to punish your child. Neither should you have to punish at home for things that happen at school You can support the school, that is different. But if your child hits his teacher, you do not give your child a time-out at home. The best thing you can do at home is sit your child down and make him write an apology. If he can't do it by hand, get him to do it on the computer. Dictate it if necessary, letter by letter. it will help him with any dyslexia! Marg Marg [/QUOTE]
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