Need some detailed life guidance -

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Steely, Jun 24, 2011.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am completely overwhelmed, and feeling very needy with millions of issues flying through my head . If possible I need some help from my friends in sorting this next 2 months out. I will try to break it out into bullets, so that it doesn't overwhelm you guys (LOL) and you can answer or help on just the points you want to.

    ***Matt and my Mom found Matt a place to live in Portland. Hopefully, when everything is signed he should be moving at the beginning of August. Currently he does not have any health ins and I am currently trying to get him medicaid thru Arizona. My question is do you think if he gets medicaid in AZ, that it will be easy to transfer it to Oregon's medicaid? Both are funded by the state. Or once I get to Oregon will I have to start all over???

    ***I have to also apply for SSDI for Matt. Does it matter what state I do that in, or is it Federal. And, yes, I know it takes forever. Sigh.

    ***I guess I really am going to go up to Oregon to scatter my Dad's ashes, and help my Mom, because I also need the time to find a place to live that is within 2 hours of Portland, but sunny. Haha. I know, I am funny! But really, I think there are places like Hood River, the Dalles, or the Tri Cities area in Washington that are mostly sunny??? Opinions or suggestions?

    ***I also need insurance and I do not qualify for Arizona's medicaid because I draw a mere 800.00 a month of unemployment. Once I find my new city, I will probably get a job that has insurance, but I don't know when that will happen. I guess, I will probably qualify for Oregon or Washington's medicaid because they are more liberal? Maybe? Even though Arizona rejected me? Or should I try to get private insurance?

    ***Then it comes to moving. OMG. So it seems in theory more simple to help Matt get moved up there with his 2 dogs, and then come back and do my own move. However, the drive to Portland is about 20 hours. So, then it seems better to move us both together - BUT - how do you do that? He doesn't drive. So it would be me driving a HUGE UHaul, towing my Jeep behind, with Matt, me and 3 dogs that don't get along crammed in the front? That doesn't seem like it would work either. Diesel is aggressive towards Tesla so one of them would have to be crated at all times - I just can't see that scenario working unless one of you has an idea. OTH I can't imagine driving a UHaul 20 hours to Portland twice.

    ***I am also debating on when I should get services set up for Matt. I need to find a good psychiatrist, therapist, etc.. Plus he wants to enroll in school there, etc. I could do it for him the 2 weeks I am looking for a place to stay - or I could do it with Matt if he moves first, which is more ideal. However that would mean that I would then spend another 2 weeks in Oregon helping him move in and find those resources, and then come back to move me.

    I cannot even tell you how overwhelmed I am. The other day I could not even do the simplest of things like pay a past due bill. Then my mom calls me again this morning about changes in their will, and about whether I heard from the moving company that has all of her stuff - because they are MIA with an entire household of her furniture. I am serious - if I get through the rest of this year without my head falling off or exploding it will be miraculous.

    And - yes I really do need to move too because everything has dried up for me in this town. There are not any jobs, and I do not want to stay in the middle of nowhere without friends, family, or a job. So I must move North.

    Thanks in advance if you have even read this tedious post, let alone if you responded :)
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'd get the huge U-Haul and do it all at once. The dogs will survive being crated, and in fact, for a drive like that, they should all probably be crated the entire time for their own safety. And yours.

    Many U-Hauls have an area behind the seats. Not all, and you have to ask, and it *is* more expensive. But it sounds to me like it would be worth it, in this case.

    The heck with Medicaid in AZ, if he is moving within 2 months. It's not something that would transfer all that easy - different states have different rules. At least in my experience... Maybe I'm wrong. SSI is federal. And why do you not qualify for medicaid? That's WAY below the limit around here. Sigh. I'd try after you move though.

    As for school, etc. - get moved first. You are overwhelmed because, like me, you tend to try to do it all - at once. You can't. You are HUMAN. One thing at a time, sweetie.

    So - first, go scatter. Can you push the distance out to 3 hours? That might help with the sunshine issue.

    Then - pack up your stuff. Put it in the U-Haul first. Then Matt's. Then go. When you get there? Matt's stuff can come off the truck first, and if you don't have a place yet, yours can go into storage.

    Then worry about Medicaid and a job...
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm extending my hand in friendship and support. Unfortunately I don't have any information that would be helpful with those particular areas. My general suggestion is that you prioritize and seek answers for one issue at a time. I understand the whirlwind and it's hard to get a handle when too many things are going on...but, you can do it "one step at a time". Sending hugs and best wishes. DDD
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely...I have read this and will respond later when I actually have the time.
  5. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I think first off, getting more info on health insurance and docs etc, sounds like something that would all require residency anyhow would it not? Well not the getting the info (some well targeted calls to places in Oregon might help point the right way), but actually applying for insurance and getting in to see a new doctor for Matt etc? In which case, I'd perhaps spend a couple of hours simply making some calls in advance of you bringing Matt down or going to house hunt. You could request via telephone for the proper documents to be mailed to you so that you can send in applications once Matt has established residency. Due to the distance, I wouldn't focus so much on possibly spending an entire extra bulk of time during your house hunting trip to get these things done. You've got a lot on your plate and these are all important tasks certainly but they can wait until you're moved mostly aside from getting info mailed and perhaps the forms you'll need for Matt. Even if Matt is settled and you return home from your house hunting trip with his documents, you could maybe fill them in on your own and mail them back to him to ship off or have him pre-sign them and then mail them direct for him?

    I think it sounds far more stressful to attempt 2 moves with a Uhaul. Plus on one trip, to move yourself, you'd be alone for the drive and still have issue of transporting the dogs, just minus your Matt in the vehicle. If it is possible to crate them, I'd perhaps add in extra stops to help you get a chance to let them run and burn off steam on the drive, but crate them otherwise and drive the larger truck. I bet it would save a ton of money too, and certainly a ton of time and possible frustration. Any 20 hour drive is bound to be maddening at some point, so one trip sounds ideal from this perspective.

    I have to say I think you are so much stronger than you see yourself as at times. As overwhelming as your life can get, that THIS is your list of concerns to jumble through speaks volumes! Valid concerns but also good ones and seems like missing from the list is all the complicating things that most of us get caught up in. I think this move is going to do you good once you actually are settled somewhere. I wish you the best of luck to get through it all as smoothly as possible and that you find a location to settle that might offer a place you can finally consider "home".
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely...I have several thoughts on this.

    On the medicaid issues. I dont know if either Matt or you are eligible for Medicaid at this point because I cant remember exactly his age and I know you are somewhere in your 40s I believe. Now in most states (except the more progressive ones) federal medicaid only covers certain categories of people and I believe that if you hit 19 then you cant get medicaid anymore unless you have kids or you are deemed disabled. That would also be the problem for you. Now some states have a state program that fills in this issue which is great but I havent lived in any of those states. I know NY does and I think CA does...maybe OR does. I hope so. Seems like the West Coast is more progressive so that might be hopeful.

    Now as far as the trip, I would do it at one doubt about it.

    Try and trim your belongings too at this point if you are up for it. It may make the new start easier if you arent dragging everything with you.

    I would help Matt a bit but dont do everything for him. He needs to do as much as he can for himself. Hand him a phone book and tell him to start calling doctors and whatnot. He really can do this. Give him a file folder to keep himself organized.
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yikes there is more I haven't thought of????? LOL
    Please tell me it is not so.....:hangin:
  8. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This might be silly, but take a piece of paper, and draw a line down the middle. At the bottom of the line, put your name and the word now, at the top of the line, write where you want to be in 3 months. Now your going to fill it in with HOW your're going to get there. Put everything in there, the day you want to move, the day you start packing- even be more specific, like when you need to apply for things for Matt, and just add everything. It might be easier if you see it all written out, instead of feeling so overwhelmed, like you need to do everything at once. It's just a little map. Now get out a calender and give yourself a reasonable amount of things to do each day based on that map. Even add things like : make calls for 2 hours to try to find out about x, y and z. ((hugs))
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would forget about trying to get Matt Medicaid through AZ. Wait till he has Oregon residency. Medi-Cal (in CA) covers kids till age 21, in theory (I say in theory because I couldn't get it for Miss KT after she aged out of our insurance at 19).

    One major move is bad enough, but two are worse. That's a heck of a drive on a good day, and with three dogs? Do it once and get it over with.

    I would also assign Matt the task of setting up services for XYZ. He can look up the numbers online if he doesn't like the phone book.

    Many hugs.
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I had not thought about the medicaid thing like that Janet. OR is extremely progressive, but I am not sure how much so. That is one of the reasons I am glad Matt is moving there. The local mental health community there is outstanding. I know in AZ Matt can get medicaid - but that law is changing in Oct., so that single people without children cannot get it. It baffles me that I could not get it, when the unemployment wage here is below poverty level - but such is our economy.

    I will get started on the SSDI and that should move Matt's stuff along. I know Matt can do the Dr searching on his own, I think. I guess he still acts so much like a 14 yo I wonder. I am leaving this move completely up to him - he gets to do all the packing, organizing, cleaning - and seriously that will overwhelm him beyond anyone's imagination. Some of it has to be for my attention only - but - it is still so hard for me to tell which is drama and which is true emotional issues. I KNOW he is not medicated properly - and since there is not a psychiatrist here - that will be the first thing that happens when he get to OR.

    It is good to hear that there are Uhauls that are big enough to have a back seat available. That is very good news. Plus I realized that if I am towing my Jeep then one set of dogs can ride in the Jeep as long as it is not too hot. Diesel and Steele are inseparable brothers - so they kinda like to stick together. However - the last time I moved - my dad was driving and I got sick and we had to pull over. My dad accidentally let Steele out the door of the car and he almost died as he ran into the freeway. My dad tackled him on the median - it was horrible. So crates for all are a good idea.

    And I was thinking the same thing after I posted this - that we should just move all at once. I might not have a place to stay yet - but at least me and my things will be in the right vicinity. My mom has rented a huge storage unit in Portland, and all 3 of us have stuff from the house in Dallas in the storage unit (whenever MIA moving van arrives). However when I moved to AZ I downsized BIG time. I even got rid of the couch and moved to a futon. So I might just stick with what I have for awhile and keep the Dallas stuff in storage until I have enough money to have a huge house (if ever).

    Sigh....and of course there is the job thing. I have to find something.

    Thanks for the support and encouragement, I need it. I had no idea that my choice to be with my Dad in his last 6 months instead of continuing to pursue my career would all lead down this road. I am simply exhausted. Every time I travel anywhere, I have to drive 4 hours just to get to the airport. And that has been appx once every 3 weeks since Sept. Then the hotels, and stress of assisting my dad or mom - and Matt's issues -and then the flight and 4 hour drive back has just sapped me of a life. I gotta move on with MY life ASAP.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* That's a lot to try to do. On the move, I'm guessing you've ruled out professional movers, but have you considered a professional driver or two? There are people that get paid to deliver vehicles (used car places hire them for transporting cars from auctions). You could see about hiring someone bonded to at least drive YOUR car up so you don't have to worry about it dragging behind the U-Haul, or hiring one to drive the U-Haul itself (I'd go for not just bonded but also a CDL).
  12. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending Hugs and Prayers. Rabbit
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think I must have missed a post or something.

    What happened to letting Matt handled such things on his own?

    Sometimes medicaid will transfer. I know Mo will to Ohio because it was done with katie twice. But it mostly likely depends on which states you're dealing with. (and each time she had kids) But personally I'd drop that down low on my list as the likelihood of getting it is low.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I uh......what? (searches through posts) no, nope, naught uh........tosses papers around office - no......not here....over here? No.....


    (I've missplaced my copy) drat. drat. look what's happening.......we must find that post and show it to her - otherwise she's moving to Portland or somedamplace near, taking care of her adult son, 3 dogs, and going to be right next to her Mom again.....

    Owwww my head hurts. (hugs Steely) not sure what's happening but for THIS to occur? Something must have gone really buggy in AZ wit chu.
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Ummm Star and Hound, I know you are trying to hold me accountable - and I appreciate that - but I am pretty sure I did not say I was going to stay in AZ. Maybe I did, but if so, I was temporarily delusional. This town has ZERO jobs. ZERO. My rent is 1200.00 and there are not any chances of employment. I really don't know what else to do.

    I did say I was shaking myself of my Mom and Matt which is why they are going to be living 2-3 hours from me???? Anyway - regardless of where I live they should still be independent in my psyche even more than in actual locale.

    Perhaps you are referring to me trying to line Matt up some help? If that what you are referring to? OK. Fine. I won't do that. If he wants help he can seek it out himself. You are right. Pretty sure he cannot move on his own, however, so someone is going to have to drive the UHaul.

    I don't know why but your 2 posts made me want to cry. I am trying so hard to get everything pulled together - and be a non-enabler - etc. It is still in the forefront of my mind, every single day. I just don't know what to do here in AZ anymore, all alone, with Tesla. As far as Matt, OK, I slipped, I am sorry. If he wants help he can get it.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Steely I don't mean this in a flippant way at all. Maybe a really good cry would help. I'm not a cryer but sometimes it releases tension and stress and clears the mind a bit. At least with me it helped me cope with overwhelming situations a couple of times. Sending more caring hugs. DDD
  17. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks, I did cry for an hour..........and it did help:)

    I also hiked for 3 hours before that - so I think my body and soul are now purged:)
  18. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Steely hon, it was not meant to make you cry. I would never want to do that. It was first because honestly I wasn't sure if I'd missed a post.........and yeah doing the help think for matt had me worried you were falling back into old pattern behavior. I'm NOT criticizing because it's so easy to do without realizing you're doing it, otherwise it wouldn't be a "pattern of behavior".

    Matt can and should do those things for himself. They're really not that hard. You can help by answering questions and such, but he can make the same calls you can ect.

    If a move is necessary, then it's necessary. But if it were me, especially with the current economy, I'd try to be sure as possible I wasn't jumping from the pot into the fire.

    I'm glad you had a good cry. I'm sure with all the stress and worry you needed it.

  19. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thank you Hound.........

    I live in a town of 5K with 85% of them Navajo, who have first dibs on most of the jobs here, because we are part of their reservation.
    So I am trying to move into a situation where I can get back into my groove again.
    It is very sad, because I absolutely LOVE it here. When I got fired it was crushing - because I knew that was it. I eventually would have to move. But then my Dad was sick, and he wanted to pay my rent so I could be with him. Now it is over - and my life has to move on. I wish more than anything I could stay, because here is where my "soul" lies - but maybe someday I can come back.

    I am choosing the NW because that is literally where 3/4 of my family lives. I have no intentions of living in Portland where most of them live because it rains too much - but it would be nice to have a touchstone of sorts that is nearby.

    And yes, Matt can do these things himself. Yet, it does take me constantly reminding myself of how to stay healthy to maintain that state. In addition, there are some things he literally has no idea how to do, because he was in programs until he was 19. Programs that never taught him how to pay bills, or buy groceries, or take care of himself. I am slowly trying to teach him that stuff without enabling him - and it is hard. He is smart, he can figure it out - but the last year has been a work in progress, and it still is. One step at a time - one day at a time is all I can say.