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Loth,

I agree with Daisy in that the kids may equate cancer with death. But you also run the risk, if you just tell them that she is sick, that they equate the word "sick" with death.

I think it is important that you first understand that you will have to use a different method with the two children since their ages are so different. My difficult child was Missy's age when my dad died (unexpectantly after hip surgery). It was important that he understand grandfather was not coming back but also understand that surgery and hospitals don't kill people.

If you are a family of faith, use that to talk to your children. That is what I used to talk to mine.

I think with Missy I would tell her that ggma is very sick and won't be coming home again. Talk about the length of her life, the things she has seen, how wonderful it was that she and her brother got to know their ggma since many kids don't. If you believe in heaven, share that comfort of peace and a future with her. I would be honest and brief. She will probably have questions. If she doesn't immediately, she probably will later. Make sure that you ask her a couple times that day, or in the coming days, "is there anything you wanted to ask me about ggma?" Let you know that you are available. I would also tell her that you have not said anything to her brother yet because he is so young and might not understand like she does. Ask her not to say anything to her little bro.

In regards to your son, it is difficult when they are so much younger and death has not been something discussed in the home before. I believe I would play his knowledge by ear. I don't think there is a reason you really have to that the ggma is going to die talk with him. I like the idea of having the childn make I love you cards instead. Make that a change.

But at 4, he will not have a real grasp of the concept of forever, a concept that you kinda need to understand to understand what death means. When ggma dies, I think you handle it then.

I understand your saddness and your need to speak to the children. Good luck.

Sharon

<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 72095" data-attributes="member: 805">Loth,I agree with Daisy in that the kids may equate cancer with death.&nbsp; But you also run the risk, if you just tell them that she is sick, that they equate the word &quot;sick&quot; with death.I think it is important that you first understand that you will have to use a different method with the two children since their ages are so different.&nbsp; My difficult child was Missy's age when my dad died (unexpectantly after hip surgery).&nbsp; It was important that he understand grandfather was not coming back but also understand that surgery and hospitals don't kill people.If you are a family of faith, use that to talk to your children.&nbsp; That is what I used to talk to mine.I think with Missy I would tell her that ggma is very sick and&nbsp; won't be coming home again.&nbsp; Talk about the length of her life, the things she has seen, how wonderful it was that she and her brother got to know their ggma since many kids don't.&nbsp; If you believe in heaven, share that comfort of peace and a future with her.&nbsp; I would be honest and brief.&nbsp; She will probably have questions.&nbsp; If she doesn't immediately, she probably will later.&nbsp; Make sure that you ask her a couple times&nbsp; that day, or in the coming days, &quot;is there anything you wanted to ask me about ggma?&quot;&nbsp; Let you know that you are available.&nbsp; I would also tell her that you have not said anything to her brother yet because he is so young and might not understand like she does.&nbsp; Ask her not to say anything to her little bro.In regards to your son, it is difficult when they are so much younger and death has not been something discussed in the home before.&nbsp; I believe I would play his knowledge by ear.&nbsp; I don't think there is a reason you really have to that the ggma is going to die talk with him.&nbsp; I like the idea of having the childn make I love you cards instead.&nbsp; Make that a change.But at 4, he will not have a real grasp of the concept of forever, a concept that you kinda need to understand to understand what death means.&nbsp; When ggma dies, I think you handle it then.I understand your saddness and your need to speak to the children.&nbsp; Good luck.Sharon</blockquote>

[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 72095, member: 805"] Loth, I agree with Daisy in that the kids may equate cancer with death. But you also run the risk, if you just tell them that she is sick, that they equate the word "sick" with death. I think it is important that you first understand that you will have to use a different method with the two children since their ages are so different. My difficult child was Missy's age when my dad died (unexpectantly after hip surgery). It was important that he understand grandfather was not coming back but also understand that surgery and hospitals don't kill people. If you are a family of faith, use that to talk to your children. That is what I used to talk to mine. I think with Missy I would tell her that ggma is very sick and won't be coming home again. Talk about the length of her life, the things she has seen, how wonderful it was that she and her brother got to know their ggma since many kids don't. If you believe in heaven, share that comfort of peace and a future with her. I would be honest and brief. She will probably have questions. If she doesn't immediately, she probably will later. Make sure that you ask her a couple times that day, or in the coming days, "is there anything you wanted to ask me about ggma?" Let you know that you are available. I would also tell her that you have not said anything to her brother yet because he is so young and might not understand like she does. Ask her not to say anything to her little bro. In regards to your son, it is difficult when they are so much younger and death has not been something discussed in the home before. I believe I would play his knowledge by ear. I don't think there is a reason you really have to that the ggma is going to die talk with him. I like the idea of having the childn make I love you cards instead. Make that a change. But at 4, he will not have a real grasp of the concept of forever, a concept that you kinda need to understand to understand what death means. When ggma dies, I think you handle it then. I understand your saddness and your need to speak to the children. Good luck. Sharon [/QUOTE]

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