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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 176956" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>It definitely wasn't fair of your SO to position you as the nagging rule enforcer. He probably didn't intend to do that, but he probably (guessing here) also felt defensive in having to justify his own parenting style to the therapist, and that was an easy way to lift himself up at your expense. I probably would have felt the same way you did walking out of there.</p><p> </p><p>That said, I have to agree with what the therapist said about parenting styles because I see it in my own family. My husband is similar to your SO in that he makes a game of things in trying to get kids to cooperate. That makes it fun and makes them more likely to cooperate. It's easy to take that approach with kids when you're not with them 24/7! I am trying to learn from husband because I see that his style often works better than mine, especially when a difficult child is being difficult. And he is learning to give me more breaks because he's seeing how easy it is to get burned out with kids like this.</p><p> </p><p>The therapist is also right that difficult child's need well-defined rules and consistent enforcement of the rules. That structure, knowing what's expected of them, makes for a much smoother life for everyone. Perhaps if your SO understands that as a team, the two of you would do well to work with eachother and try to blend your styles so that difficult child gets the structure, consistency, and "fun" he needs to be the cooperative kid you both need him to be? </p><p> </p><p>Just my 2 cents <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 176956, member: 3444"] It definitely wasn't fair of your SO to position you as the nagging rule enforcer. He probably didn't intend to do that, but he probably (guessing here) also felt defensive in having to justify his own parenting style to the therapist, and that was an easy way to lift himself up at your expense. I probably would have felt the same way you did walking out of there. That said, I have to agree with what the therapist said about parenting styles because I see it in my own family. My husband is similar to your SO in that he makes a game of things in trying to get kids to cooperate. That makes it fun and makes them more likely to cooperate. It's easy to take that approach with kids when you're not with them 24/7! I am trying to learn from husband because I see that his style often works better than mine, especially when a difficult child is being difficult. And he is learning to give me more breaks because he's seeing how easy it is to get burned out with kids like this. The therapist is also right that difficult child's need well-defined rules and consistent enforcement of the rules. That structure, knowing what's expected of them, makes for a much smoother life for everyone. Perhaps if your SO understands that as a team, the two of you would do well to work with eachother and try to blend your styles so that difficult child gets the structure, consistency, and "fun" he needs to be the cooperative kid you both need him to be? Just my 2 cents :) [/QUOTE]
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