Need some ideas

[StressedM0mma]

On how to keep myself from being a nervous wreck every morning wondering of difficult child is going to get up and get ready on time. I get so stressed that I bug the koi out of her wondering if she is going to be on time. Not fun for either of us. I want to trust her, just having such a hard time. ANy help? All ideas appreciated.

 

[buddy]

The obvious answer is duct tape.

(Sorry, maybe being difficult child is catching? )

I would imagine it's going to be very conscious. Write out your resolve. Make a plan for yourself. Do you drink coffee or anything? Maybe leave the house to get somethng to drink or go for a morning walk. Do exercise in a separate room.....make it your time. Sometimes I leave and Q has no one to engage. He does much better. Lately he waits till the last minute so I give one time announcement and go in my room and watch tv. Pretending not to care.

I think mostly your mind will only calm once a new pattern happens and time goes by.

Meditation, prayer, and other calming techniques could help too.

 

[TeDo]

Buddy's right. It is going to take a lot of conscious self-talk. There is only so much you can do. If she isn't ready on time, what's the plan to cover YOUR backside? Sitting down and making a written plan is a great idea. Include all the if's with thought out then's and stick to it. Do not say or do anything that isn't "in the plan". You can do it. Just make sure to share the various "end results" (consequences) with her so she knows. If it includes calling the school and the truant officer and even the police, make sure she knows what you will do and under what circumstances.

I know what it's like to not be able to let go of dealing with old behavior. I still remember what difficult child 1 was like on the Risperdal and then Prozac and "plan" for and watch for it happening again even though I know it never will. It's hard, really hard. Do what you can with conscious effort when things are calm.

 

[StressedM0mma]

She knows what all of the end results are if we do not make it. It is me just being a nervous wreck. It is like we are self sabatoging each other. Does that make any sense.? I am going to do what both of you have said, and try very hard to make a conscious effort to let go. I realize I am doing her no favors by acting this way. Just very hard ya know?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Do you have a psychiatrist? It might help getting something for your own anxiety... just for now, while things are so bad with her. Sometimes we have to get help for us, in order to help the kids.

 

[TeDo]

Oh yes, I do know. Old habits are hard to break especially when they are so ingrained in our very being. Change happens over time and it is VERY hard to do. Just keep the light at the end of the tunnel as your goal. Each day you are able to do it, congratulate yourself, literally. The more days you get behind you, the more the pattern will change for the long haul. There will be bumps in the road every now and then but they aren't roadblocks, they're hurdles to get over. EVERY step forward is a step FORWARD.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Thanks TeDo. You are right. I just need to remind myself. And IC, I take Lexapro, and have Ativan to take when needed. I just do not like to take the Ativan, it makes me so sleepy.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Had a rough start to the morning, but didn't back down on her going to school. She tried to stay home, but didn't back down. And, then when she got there tried to not go in. The fighting is no where as bad as it was. We talked for maybe 5 minutes, and I sent her on her way. She didn't do some H.W. and wanted to stay home to get it done. No. Sorry. Figure out a way to get it done. I am just glad she went in.

 

[buddy]

Good Job!

 

[TeDo]

As long as you kept your cool, you did AWESOME!!

 

[StressedM0mma]

Yep!! I have been working very hard at not getting frustrated and raising my voice when she pulls this. It know it does no good for me to get angry, but it is so frustrating to get to the building, and she pulls the I just can't do it. I just sat there telling her she has been doing such a good job, and that she could do it today. It is hard to be the constant cheerleader when she is not doing anything else to help herself. (ie doing homework) She keeps telling everyone that she wants to be a vet. Ugh. 2 more years.

 

[Liahona]

Great job keeping level headed. I struggle with that sometimes. I think we all do. We wouldn't be human if we didn't.