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need some reassurance
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 663495" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't want to rain on your parade and I hope things remain stable for a long time. But I come from a family of disordered people and although this doesn't mean I'm an expert on all unpredictable people, I don't want you to be unprepared and to get your hopes up so high that you hurt badly if this goes south again and fast.</p><p></p><p>My experience with dysfunctional, disordered people (and I have issues too so I'm overly sensitive) is that they can be very nice for short and even long periods of time, but that eventually they snap on you and cut you out again. When I say "you" I don't mean YOU you, but in general. If you have ever read our Family of Origin thread (FOO) you will see that my sister has been in and out of my life depending on her mood and w him all of my life. I know she will never change now. She is too old and prefers to blame me for all of her wild "I'm in/I'm out" behaviors and that's ok. Because she is my sister, not my daughter, I'll never let her back in again to drop me again. Her cut offs could be one thing that I didn't even realize was in her rigid rule book of "wrong" behavior and she'd be gone for months or years.</p><p></p><p>Then, when angry, she will tell everyone I am mentally ill, which is true. I have a mood disorder which is stable because of medication. But she means as in "she acts crazy." It's not her, it's me. Always.</p><p></p><p>Fortunately, we don't have mutual friends. Everyone in my world is aware of my treated and stable mood disorder. Often she makes up her own diagnosis of what I have and spreads that, but, again, she tells people who don't care or know me.</p><p></p><p>One thing it is good to accept, when we deal with loved ones who have this sort of "I love you/I hate you" behaviors is to always realize that although the person is nice today it could all go bad tomorrow and you may not even know why. It could be the type of FB message you send that she perceives as incorrect. This happened to me once after I sent my sister a birthday wish. I had no idea I'd done anything wrong until she called me up to yell at me over it.</p><p></p><p>Be mindful and live one day at a time, always putting your focus on your own well being and that of your loved ones who are not so hard to figure out and can love without condition and who don't cause that on agani, off again angst. To over-focus on somebody with these tendencies is hurtful and unfair to yourself and to your other loved ones w ho don't do these things. Love her. Sure, she's your daughter. But don't let that blind you and don't expect the light to go on one day. She is who she is. She's not a kid anymore and has not really accepted any wrongfulness on her part. She puts it all on you and that's plain nonsense.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I'm glad things are in the eye of the hurricane now and hopej it lasts a long time. If not, be prepared. Put your heart on cautiously happy...for the moment...and enjoy your life no matter what your daughter's next move is. And don't let yourself be caught by surprise. Enjoy your grandchild whenever she is offered. Don't engage too much with your daughter. Anything you say can a nd will be used against you <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 663495, member: 1550"] I don't want to rain on your parade and I hope things remain stable for a long time. But I come from a family of disordered people and although this doesn't mean I'm an expert on all unpredictable people, I don't want you to be unprepared and to get your hopes up so high that you hurt badly if this goes south again and fast. My experience with dysfunctional, disordered people (and I have issues too so I'm overly sensitive) is that they can be very nice for short and even long periods of time, but that eventually they snap on you and cut you out again. When I say "you" I don't mean YOU you, but in general. If you have ever read our Family of Origin thread (FOO) you will see that my sister has been in and out of my life depending on her mood and w him all of my life. I know she will never change now. She is too old and prefers to blame me for all of her wild "I'm in/I'm out" behaviors and that's ok. Because she is my sister, not my daughter, I'll never let her back in again to drop me again. Her cut offs could be one thing that I didn't even realize was in her rigid rule book of "wrong" behavior and she'd be gone for months or years. Then, when angry, she will tell everyone I am mentally ill, which is true. I have a mood disorder which is stable because of medication. But she means as in "she acts crazy." It's not her, it's me. Always. Fortunately, we don't have mutual friends. Everyone in my world is aware of my treated and stable mood disorder. Often she makes up her own diagnosis of what I have and spreads that, but, again, she tells people who don't care or know me. One thing it is good to accept, when we deal with loved ones who have this sort of "I love you/I hate you" behaviors is to always realize that although the person is nice today it could all go bad tomorrow and you may not even know why. It could be the type of FB message you send that she perceives as incorrect. This happened to me once after I sent my sister a birthday wish. I had no idea I'd done anything wrong until she called me up to yell at me over it. Be mindful and live one day at a time, always putting your focus on your own well being and that of your loved ones who are not so hard to figure out and can love without condition and who don't cause that on agani, off again angst. To over-focus on somebody with these tendencies is hurtful and unfair to yourself and to your other loved ones w ho don't do these things. Love her. Sure, she's your daughter. But don't let that blind you and don't expect the light to go on one day. She is who she is. She's not a kid anymore and has not really accepted any wrongfulness on her part. She puts it all on you and that's plain nonsense. Anyway, I'm glad things are in the eye of the hurricane now and hopej it lasts a long time. If not, be prepared. Put your heart on cautiously happy...for the moment...and enjoy your life no matter what your daughter's next move is. And don't let yourself be caught by surprise. Enjoy your grandchild whenever she is offered. Don't engage too much with your daughter. Anything you say can a nd will be used against you ;) [/QUOTE]
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