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Need some sort of comfort this second...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 144149" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nomad, </p><p> </p><p>That heavy heartedness you feel? It's almost like drowning to me. The pressure and heaviness are so crushing and at the last minute for so many times you seem to find the strength or courage to pull your own bootstraps up and continue on; but then there is that one time - that you think I don't care, I'm letting go. </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes I day dream about what it would be like to just really let go and see what would happen when I did. I want that power, I want that ability to foresee just that part of a my future. NOT for everything. Just to see what would happen if I let go of my kid and allowed ALL the natural consequences to happen. I want to see if it would change his life/ my life - everyone involved with him. </p><p> </p><p> Would it be positive, would it be negative - I would have the power to stop natural consequences from snowballing because most of us are SURE they will if we don't interfere. I am positive if I didn't step in on some of Dude's interventions - the system would have him totally beaten down. And I would know that he was ultimately in jail - but that would be the end of my interventions - there would be nothing more I could do. </p><p> </p><p>Do not believe for a moment you are the only Mom wondering all those What IF I didn't - What IF I do's? But at some point you have got to ask yourself, when to I step out of this picture? When is it going to be more beneficial for my health, and my husband, and my sanity - to just let go and whatever happens happen. At what point to you stop torturing yourself with all the "IF she does this I am sure XYZ would happen and some of that XYZ is very bad in our minds - very bad." </p><p> </p><p>I guess it's a balancing game of knowledge, heart, vs. detachment for our own good. I wouldn't begin to tell anyone else where that point is, or what that balance is. I can only tell you - you are not in the boat alone. I hope you find some comfort in that. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 144149, member: 4964"] Nomad, That heavy heartedness you feel? It's almost like drowning to me. The pressure and heaviness are so crushing and at the last minute for so many times you seem to find the strength or courage to pull your own bootstraps up and continue on; but then there is that one time - that you think I don't care, I'm letting go. Sometimes I day dream about what it would be like to just really let go and see what would happen when I did. I want that power, I want that ability to foresee just that part of a my future. NOT for everything. Just to see what would happen if I let go of my kid and allowed ALL the natural consequences to happen. I want to see if it would change his life/ my life - everyone involved with him. Would it be positive, would it be negative - I would have the power to stop natural consequences from snowballing because most of us are SURE they will if we don't interfere. I am positive if I didn't step in on some of Dude's interventions - the system would have him totally beaten down. And I would know that he was ultimately in jail - but that would be the end of my interventions - there would be nothing more I could do. Do not believe for a moment you are the only Mom wondering all those What IF I didn't - What IF I do's? But at some point you have got to ask yourself, when to I step out of this picture? When is it going to be more beneficial for my health, and my husband, and my sanity - to just let go and whatever happens happen. At what point to you stop torturing yourself with all the "IF she does this I am sure XYZ would happen and some of that XYZ is very bad in our minds - very bad." I guess it's a balancing game of knowledge, heart, vs. detachment for our own good. I wouldn't begin to tell anyone else where that point is, or what that balance is. I can only tell you - you are not in the boat alone. I hope you find some comfort in that. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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