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Need ssome advice (think I've handled it all wrong)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 444597" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It took two tries for Wiz to get the message. Both involving 90 min drives each way and HE had to FILL the gas tank on the way home out of his own pocket. He also had to feed husband, who drove him because I couldn't go the first time. As small kids they each tried it one time. Well, the older two did. thank you didn't, but from a young age he was called Wiz' mini me (he looks like I cloned Wiz) and he did NOT want to be like Wiz - the older bro he idolized and was terrified of at the same time.</p><p></p><p>My kids were told that if they stole they had to go back and return the item AND pay for it. They did NOT get to keep it under ANY circumstances and they still HAD to pay for it. If the store chose to prosecute, that was teh store's choice. I would NOT hire a lawyer and would NOT pay for the drives to wherever - THEY would. They also had to tell the manager what they did and apologize. Jess was 4 and would NOT speak to the manager to say what she did or apologize. SO she got a trip to the police station. They actually had someone in the cell at the time and she saw them trying to wrestle with him to get him in there when we walked in. It was a teeny tiny town that is part of Cincy, less than 1 mile square and that was RARE. To this day she can still remember how scared she was. We left that day with-o talking to an officer because they were so busy and the guy was drunk and violent. We went back the next afternoon. She got qutie a talking to from the officers.</p><p></p><p>Wiz did similar as a little boy, and he apologized. Then as a teen difficult child at age 13 he did it again. First it was a computer program that we told him he couldn't have. The dollar store didn't care. But he did NOT like driving that long with husband's NPR playing and husband refusing to speak to him. Nor did he like paying for the gas and husband's meal (it was a Sunday when they went and husband hadn't had lunch. husband had just worked four weeks with-o a day off and this was to be his only day off for the enxt few weeks too). The he stole some D&D dice game from my favorite used bookstore in the same town not close to our home. THAT was PAINFUL for him. because he had to face them - and tell three different people until they got the person they wanted to talk to him. She was incredible. Really took time, close to a full HOUR, to speak to him. About how it seemed easy to do now, but had big consequences, how he upset, disappointed and hurt me, and she could tell from seeing us on past visits that he really did love me. She got through in a way no one ever had before. I am fully convinced that she was a big factor in him not ending up in jail.</p><p></p><p>I refused to take him back for over a year. I was actually so embarrassed that I didn't go back for six months. When I did return I was suddenly a favorite of all the staff. They really RESPECTED the way I drove him back, made him pay for the gas both ways, made him give the item back AND pay out of his own pocket. They had had a rash of teens stealing and mostly the parents tried to buy their way out of it - and for THOSE kids they called the cops even if it was only worth 99 cents retail. Mostly to teach the parents that they would NOT be baought off. But because I had NO sympathy for my son (who claimed he couldn't remember taking it- "whatever" was my reaction to him, evn though it frustrated the dickens out of me - esp appropriate because he stole from a used bookstore, lol).</p><p></p><p>Just recently my 16yo easy child stole from husband and I. From teh bank account via atm WHILE seh was with husband! But when confronted she took three mins to gather her nerve and fessed up right away. returned the money and paid off over half of what she spent and I am pretty darn sure she won't do it again. because she is SCARED of herself when seh did that!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 444597, member: 1233"] It took two tries for Wiz to get the message. Both involving 90 min drives each way and HE had to FILL the gas tank on the way home out of his own pocket. He also had to feed husband, who drove him because I couldn't go the first time. As small kids they each tried it one time. Well, the older two did. thank you didn't, but from a young age he was called Wiz' mini me (he looks like I cloned Wiz) and he did NOT want to be like Wiz - the older bro he idolized and was terrified of at the same time. My kids were told that if they stole they had to go back and return the item AND pay for it. They did NOT get to keep it under ANY circumstances and they still HAD to pay for it. If the store chose to prosecute, that was teh store's choice. I would NOT hire a lawyer and would NOT pay for the drives to wherever - THEY would. They also had to tell the manager what they did and apologize. Jess was 4 and would NOT speak to the manager to say what she did or apologize. SO she got a trip to the police station. They actually had someone in the cell at the time and she saw them trying to wrestle with him to get him in there when we walked in. It was a teeny tiny town that is part of Cincy, less than 1 mile square and that was RARE. To this day she can still remember how scared she was. We left that day with-o talking to an officer because they were so busy and the guy was drunk and violent. We went back the next afternoon. She got qutie a talking to from the officers. Wiz did similar as a little boy, and he apologized. Then as a teen difficult child at age 13 he did it again. First it was a computer program that we told him he couldn't have. The dollar store didn't care. But he did NOT like driving that long with husband's NPR playing and husband refusing to speak to him. Nor did he like paying for the gas and husband's meal (it was a Sunday when they went and husband hadn't had lunch. husband had just worked four weeks with-o a day off and this was to be his only day off for the enxt few weeks too). The he stole some D&D dice game from my favorite used bookstore in the same town not close to our home. THAT was PAINFUL for him. because he had to face them - and tell three different people until they got the person they wanted to talk to him. She was incredible. Really took time, close to a full HOUR, to speak to him. About how it seemed easy to do now, but had big consequences, how he upset, disappointed and hurt me, and she could tell from seeing us on past visits that he really did love me. She got through in a way no one ever had before. I am fully convinced that she was a big factor in him not ending up in jail. I refused to take him back for over a year. I was actually so embarrassed that I didn't go back for six months. When I did return I was suddenly a favorite of all the staff. They really RESPECTED the way I drove him back, made him pay for the gas both ways, made him give the item back AND pay out of his own pocket. They had had a rash of teens stealing and mostly the parents tried to buy their way out of it - and for THOSE kids they called the cops even if it was only worth 99 cents retail. Mostly to teach the parents that they would NOT be baought off. But because I had NO sympathy for my son (who claimed he couldn't remember taking it- "whatever" was my reaction to him, evn though it frustrated the dickens out of me - esp appropriate because he stole from a used bookstore, lol). Just recently my 16yo easy child stole from husband and I. From teh bank account via atm WHILE seh was with husband! But when confronted she took three mins to gather her nerve and fessed up right away. returned the money and paid off over half of what she spent and I am pretty darn sure she won't do it again. because she is SCARED of herself when seh did that! [/QUOTE]
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