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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 707277" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would keep loving him but detach from his drama and STOP paying your 26 year old sons bills. Heavens! He is 26. If he wont get a job, he can use a flaslight and buy bottled water. He is NOT growing up and NOT young anymore and is using drugs and wont help himself.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a drug addict and will use any money he gets from you for drugs even if he says its for other readons. Never give him cash or a crefit card. Anything ypu want to still pay, do directly to the company.</p><p></p><p>. Right now you make sure he is very comfortable, even bringing him meals. What motivation does he have to change or grow up or quit the drugs? I understand a mothers wish to protect her child, but he isnt a child anymore and if we do it for too long, they take advantage of us and stay a defiant man/boy who cant and wont take care of themselves. It wont serve him well. You cant live forever. Then what? Yes, its hard, but it is for them, even if they go ballistic. And for us. And we count too.</p><p></p><p>Your son is too old to need a mommy who treats him like a child. in my opinion he needs a Mother who will stand strong, set serious boundaries, demand he behave or get off your property (if the mobile home is on your property). If he is violent and/or lawbreaking he deserves nothing. I cut off my daughter when I realized what she was doing and I made her leave and I walked around bawling and I felt so mean.</p><p></p><p>BUT SHE QUIT, EVEN HER CIGARETTES! SHE HAS A GREAT LIFE. SHE QUIT!</p><p></p><p>YOUR SON is able bodied? He can work in labor or fast food, if so, and it is likely not a good idea for him to work with his family, whether he wants to or not. He is violent and scary. He needs to change to be safe and that requires therapy and probably a city rehab that is not costly. Or a costly one, if you prefer and he will go.And he needs to admit he has problems or he will NOT improve.</p><p></p><p> If he threatens to kill himself take it seriously and call 911 each time. Every time. I did that to my son and he never says it anymore and never tried suicide. It was said to scare me, i now realize, but suicide is serious...I took no chances. I was scared and helpless which was why I called 911. Only 911 can handle that serious threat. Dont try. It may just stop your sons threats.</p><p></p><p>Your son or not he has NO right to rage at anyone and frighten you. Your other sons dont need that either.Your oldest is unsafe. He also feels like you should support him forever and in every way, it seems. You gave him a place to live and he is stiill awful to you.</p><p>You did enough. You were a rock star mom. That was generous. Beyond generous. He should kiss your feet for all you do for him. But these types of adults are not grateful. They think we owe it to them. Your son is far from the only one.</p><p></p><p>What you actually decide to do is up to you. I made my daughter leave my house for drug use and she quit. At nineteen. There is no motivation for your son to quit. You bought him a roof, give him home cooked meals and (he cant microwave food like most bachelors?) AND you pay all his bills. And he has the gall to rage at and lie to and deny hes an addict and to abuse such kind parents. Shame on him.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can decide on a solution that actually works better. I highly highly recommend therapy for the rest of the family, especially you and husband. This is not in anyones best interests for it to continue.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart. You probably need to take care of yourself more and your other loved ones need a break and peace... and get him out of your space. JMO. I do understand you love him. We all love our kids, even obnoxious ones. I have one myself. But we do them no service by letting them bully us. How does that help your son to let him call the shots and get a free ride? Yeah. We simetimes feel bad and otjer times just dont like tje screaming so we give in. Bit we must stop to help everyone. I sp sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 707277, member: 1550"] I would keep loving him but detach from his drama and STOP paying your 26 year old sons bills. Heavens! He is 26. If he wont get a job, he can use a flaslight and buy bottled water. He is NOT growing up and NOT young anymore and is using drugs and wont help himself. Your son is a drug addict and will use any money he gets from you for drugs even if he says its for other readons. Never give him cash or a crefit card. Anything ypu want to still pay, do directly to the company. . Right now you make sure he is very comfortable, even bringing him meals. What motivation does he have to change or grow up or quit the drugs? I understand a mothers wish to protect her child, but he isnt a child anymore and if we do it for too long, they take advantage of us and stay a defiant man/boy who cant and wont take care of themselves. It wont serve him well. You cant live forever. Then what? Yes, its hard, but it is for them, even if they go ballistic. And for us. And we count too. Your son is too old to need a mommy who treats him like a child. in my opinion he needs a Mother who will stand strong, set serious boundaries, demand he behave or get off your property (if the mobile home is on your property). If he is violent and/or lawbreaking he deserves nothing. I cut off my daughter when I realized what she was doing and I made her leave and I walked around bawling and I felt so mean. BUT SHE QUIT, EVEN HER CIGARETTES! SHE HAS A GREAT LIFE. SHE QUIT! YOUR SON is able bodied? He can work in labor or fast food, if so, and it is likely not a good idea for him to work with his family, whether he wants to or not. He is violent and scary. He needs to change to be safe and that requires therapy and probably a city rehab that is not costly. Or a costly one, if you prefer and he will go.And he needs to admit he has problems or he will NOT improve. If he threatens to kill himself take it seriously and call 911 each time. Every time. I did that to my son and he never says it anymore and never tried suicide. It was said to scare me, i now realize, but suicide is serious...I took no chances. I was scared and helpless which was why I called 911. Only 911 can handle that serious threat. Dont try. It may just stop your sons threats. Your son or not he has NO right to rage at anyone and frighten you. Your other sons dont need that either.Your oldest is unsafe. He also feels like you should support him forever and in every way, it seems. You gave him a place to live and he is stiill awful to you. You did enough. You were a rock star mom. That was generous. Beyond generous. He should kiss your feet for all you do for him. But these types of adults are not grateful. They think we owe it to them. Your son is far from the only one. What you actually decide to do is up to you. I made my daughter leave my house for drug use and she quit. At nineteen. There is no motivation for your son to quit. You bought him a roof, give him home cooked meals and (he cant microwave food like most bachelors?) AND you pay all his bills. And he has the gall to rage at and lie to and deny hes an addict and to abuse such kind parents. Shame on him. I hope you can decide on a solution that actually works better. I highly highly recommend therapy for the rest of the family, especially you and husband. This is not in anyones best interests for it to continue. Hugs for your hurting heart. You probably need to take care of yourself more and your other loved ones need a break and peace... and get him out of your space. JMO. I do understand you love him. We all love our kids, even obnoxious ones. I have one myself. But we do them no service by letting them bully us. How does that help your son to let him call the shots and get a free ride? Yeah. We simetimes feel bad and otjer times just dont like tje screaming so we give in. Bit we must stop to help everyone. I sp sorry. [/QUOTE]
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