C
crenee
Guest
Hi, folks.
I'm looking for sympathy. I remember from when I used to use this forum a lot that you guys are wonderful about giving advice, and I welcome any, but I don't think there's a lot of help for my situation at the moment, so I'm mostly looking for a chance to vent to sympathetic ears.
Quick bio:
Me: quirky but "normal", usually upbeat.
husband: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), has problems with rage (directed against himself), has yet to find the perfect medication, although has had some success with his current cocktail.
difficult child: C, 91/2: offical diagnosis, ADHD-not otherwise specified, although has no ADHD symptoms. Rather, has characteristics of Aspergers, bipolar, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), and ODD, but not enough of any of the above to receive that diagnosis. Under the care of a child psychiatrist, takes Guanfacine and risperdal, which are helpful, but his behavior has cyclical ups and downs nonetheless. Homeschooled because he doesn't do well in group situations, very intelligent.
easy child: B, almost 6. Adorable, funny, genius. Boys get along great most of the time, very close.
Background--hubby laid off from job in April; our health insurance went with him. Now we're living on his unemployment and my parttime job (varies, between 15 and 30 hours a week.) When husband was first laid off, things were very, very good. husband didn't really like old job and was convinced that he'd be able to get another quickly. He was doing very well on his medications, and us all being together was nicer than it's EVER been since we had C. He was very interactive with the boys, very consistent, full of fun new ideas, and very helpful around the house. Took over most of the chores and homeschooling activities. What I didn't know was that after a month he stopped taking his medications because he ran out and without health insurance we simply couldn't afford them. I found out when he started having almost nonstop rages all day (and most of the night), and forced him to talk to his nurse-practitioner, who arranged for him to get his medications at an affordable price through their clinic. So he went back on them.
Unfortunately, his medications have a VERY steep adjusting curve, and after going back on them (he started at full dose, which he needs to control his symptoms, but which is bad for his body, which really needs to build up tolerance gradually) he started sleeping 14-16 hours a day. And when he is awake, he's groggy and lethargic, and completely stopped being consistent with boys or even doing much with them at all, except letting them sit with him while he plays computer games. When I'm at work, he lets the boys watch lots of TV and play lots of computer games, both of which are usually very limited at our house, as I think C reacts badly to too much screen time.
The he abruptly stopped sleeping at all, and started taking Ambien, which works, but makes him sleep lots of hours beside just at night, so things haven't improved much.
Now to my dear difficult child, C. We've been buying 3 month supplies of C's medications, so we didn't run out for a while. When we finally did, we discovered that Guanafacine is dirt cheap, but Risperdal (or the generic, which is what he takes) costs $360 a month. We simply can't afford it. We talked to his DR., who gave us permission to cut the dose in half, which we can cover, but barely (he doesn't go to the clinic where husband gets his expensive medications cheap--and I've looked into a couple of programs, only to discover that we don't qualify for anything that can give us substanial cost savings.)
So this is what we have: The most present parent sleeping all the time, being inconsistent when awake, feeding the boys junk because he can't bring himself to cook healthy, nutritious meals (although when I worked all day last Saturday, C took the initiative to make French toast for himself and his brother--and let B crack the eggs! because it was lunchtime and Dad was asleep.) I'm doing my best, but I'm working crazy hours just now, and tend not to be home much of the day some weeks. And when I am home, I've got to handle ALL the household work (not something I've ever had to do even when husband is employed full time--he's usually very good about helping out), gorcery shoopping, bill paying etc. I just can't be as present for the boys as I need to be. And C is is on a half dose of the medicine that I think does him the most good. And he's suffering.
He's been going downhill now for about a month, but in the last 48 hours his behavior has really tanked. He was really psychotic today, violent and raging, SERIOUS megalomania, broke part of his bunk bed, tried to punch through a window (he doesn't realize it's plexiglass), etc. He's basicly acting the way he acted for the 6 months before we first took him to a doctor when he was 7. We've seen bits of this off oand on since he's been on the doseages of medication that he needs to be on, but it's been a very long time sonce we've had a day like today. husband has just retreated in despair, saying things like "I wish we'd never ever had kids" (to me, not to difficult child, thank goodness), which is NOT like him at all--he adores his children and is better with them than I am, when he's on top of his game..., so he's no earthly help (he's having a few mini rages again, despite the medication--C has always had the ability to do that to him...)
C was supposed to start swim lessons tomorrow, which he's looked forward to all summer becuase we've been to poor to take him to the pool (swim lessons are free at our local public pool) and he loves swimming and is very good at it. But I don't see how we can possibly take him when he can't keep himself under control. I THINK he'd actually be alright as long as he was in the water, if he had a fairly lenient teacher willing to just more or less let him do his own thing, but there's a good chance there's be trouble as soon as he got out and before we could get him in the car to get home. Or before husband could get him in the car, I should say, because I'm about to work 3 eight hour days in a row. So B will go off to swim lessons and C won't be able to. And he's going to be absolutely devastated.
I feel so bad for him, but I don't see what else can possibly be done right now, and that's why I'm looking for sympathy.
thanks.
I'm looking for sympathy. I remember from when I used to use this forum a lot that you guys are wonderful about giving advice, and I welcome any, but I don't think there's a lot of help for my situation at the moment, so I'm mostly looking for a chance to vent to sympathetic ears.
Quick bio:
Me: quirky but "normal", usually upbeat.
husband: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), has problems with rage (directed against himself), has yet to find the perfect medication, although has had some success with his current cocktail.
difficult child: C, 91/2: offical diagnosis, ADHD-not otherwise specified, although has no ADHD symptoms. Rather, has characteristics of Aspergers, bipolar, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), and ODD, but not enough of any of the above to receive that diagnosis. Under the care of a child psychiatrist, takes Guanfacine and risperdal, which are helpful, but his behavior has cyclical ups and downs nonetheless. Homeschooled because he doesn't do well in group situations, very intelligent.
easy child: B, almost 6. Adorable, funny, genius. Boys get along great most of the time, very close.
Background--hubby laid off from job in April; our health insurance went with him. Now we're living on his unemployment and my parttime job (varies, between 15 and 30 hours a week.) When husband was first laid off, things were very, very good. husband didn't really like old job and was convinced that he'd be able to get another quickly. He was doing very well on his medications, and us all being together was nicer than it's EVER been since we had C. He was very interactive with the boys, very consistent, full of fun new ideas, and very helpful around the house. Took over most of the chores and homeschooling activities. What I didn't know was that after a month he stopped taking his medications because he ran out and without health insurance we simply couldn't afford them. I found out when he started having almost nonstop rages all day (and most of the night), and forced him to talk to his nurse-practitioner, who arranged for him to get his medications at an affordable price through their clinic. So he went back on them.
Unfortunately, his medications have a VERY steep adjusting curve, and after going back on them (he started at full dose, which he needs to control his symptoms, but which is bad for his body, which really needs to build up tolerance gradually) he started sleeping 14-16 hours a day. And when he is awake, he's groggy and lethargic, and completely stopped being consistent with boys or even doing much with them at all, except letting them sit with him while he plays computer games. When I'm at work, he lets the boys watch lots of TV and play lots of computer games, both of which are usually very limited at our house, as I think C reacts badly to too much screen time.
The he abruptly stopped sleeping at all, and started taking Ambien, which works, but makes him sleep lots of hours beside just at night, so things haven't improved much.
Now to my dear difficult child, C. We've been buying 3 month supplies of C's medications, so we didn't run out for a while. When we finally did, we discovered that Guanafacine is dirt cheap, but Risperdal (or the generic, which is what he takes) costs $360 a month. We simply can't afford it. We talked to his DR., who gave us permission to cut the dose in half, which we can cover, but barely (he doesn't go to the clinic where husband gets his expensive medications cheap--and I've looked into a couple of programs, only to discover that we don't qualify for anything that can give us substanial cost savings.)
So this is what we have: The most present parent sleeping all the time, being inconsistent when awake, feeding the boys junk because he can't bring himself to cook healthy, nutritious meals (although when I worked all day last Saturday, C took the initiative to make French toast for himself and his brother--and let B crack the eggs! because it was lunchtime and Dad was asleep.) I'm doing my best, but I'm working crazy hours just now, and tend not to be home much of the day some weeks. And when I am home, I've got to handle ALL the household work (not something I've ever had to do even when husband is employed full time--he's usually very good about helping out), gorcery shoopping, bill paying etc. I just can't be as present for the boys as I need to be. And C is is on a half dose of the medicine that I think does him the most good. And he's suffering.
He's been going downhill now for about a month, but in the last 48 hours his behavior has really tanked. He was really psychotic today, violent and raging, SERIOUS megalomania, broke part of his bunk bed, tried to punch through a window (he doesn't realize it's plexiglass), etc. He's basicly acting the way he acted for the 6 months before we first took him to a doctor when he was 7. We've seen bits of this off oand on since he's been on the doseages of medication that he needs to be on, but it's been a very long time sonce we've had a day like today. husband has just retreated in despair, saying things like "I wish we'd never ever had kids" (to me, not to difficult child, thank goodness), which is NOT like him at all--he adores his children and is better with them than I am, when he's on top of his game..., so he's no earthly help (he's having a few mini rages again, despite the medication--C has always had the ability to do that to him...)
C was supposed to start swim lessons tomorrow, which he's looked forward to all summer becuase we've been to poor to take him to the pool (swim lessons are free at our local public pool) and he loves swimming and is very good at it. But I don't see how we can possibly take him when he can't keep himself under control. I THINK he'd actually be alright as long as he was in the water, if he had a fairly lenient teacher willing to just more or less let him do his own thing, but there's a good chance there's be trouble as soon as he got out and before we could get him in the car to get home. Or before husband could get him in the car, I should say, because I'm about to work 3 eight hour days in a row. So B will go off to swim lessons and C won't be able to. And he's going to be absolutely devastated.
I feel so bad for him, but I don't see what else can possibly be done right now, and that's why I'm looking for sympathy.
thanks.
