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<blockquote data-quote="NOLA" data-source="post: 171764" data-attributes="member: 3515"><p>I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading the responses on this thread. While I totally agree with witz about the issues of obsessive thoughts & not letting go of the past, etc., require professional treatment versus the dialog on this chat board, you guys are incredibly insightful and wise I seriously doubt any better counsel & guidance will be given by a professional. </p><p></p><p>Ive had all of those thoughts about the what if I had ., I should have .. why didnt I insist on .. it can really drive you crazy. Stands, I even wrote down all of my parenting errors and referred to my list while having a long talk with my son. I basically acknowledged the things I regret for not doing a better job at. Things like not being consistent enough with punishment; not being a better advocate for him in school; etc. He listened to me pour my heart out and told me not to blame myself for any of his issues. Did this conversation change any of his behaviors? Absolutely not. My son doesnt think he has any problems, LOL. But, it helped me to write it down and move on. I know our situation is different from yours but the overall theme is the same.</p><p></p><p>Its kind of funny to think about it this way, but I had this thought after reading all of the responses you received. I think we can assume that all of the parents on the substance abuse & emeritus boards have been blessed with a difficult child. We cant help blaming ourselves for our childrens shortcomings (whatever the issue - drugs, no motivation, poor communication skills, wanting everything now but not wanting to work for it) we love them and want only the best for them. Its only natural to think we must have done something wrong. But I know some parents who have seemingly successful kids going off to college now. Their kids dont have a drug problem. Their kids dont continue to sabotage themselves over and over again. Were they just better at parenting? Do they love their kids more? Do they know a secret that all of us here missed? NO NO NO. </p><p></p><p>I think the fact that we are on this board seeking the advice of others and trying to better ourselves is a testament to the fact that most of us probably were and continue to be good at parenting. Id venture to guess we all have a library of parenting books, ADHD books, how to deal with this or that, troubled teens, etc. Some of the parents mentioned above wouldnt dream of blaming themselves or even read a book on parenting. Some kids grew up with abuse, neglect, and worse but somehow succeed in this life. Some kids have loving parents who would move mountains for them yet they remain difficult children. </p><p></p><p>I think we are probably guilty of trying too hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="NOLA, post: 171764, member: 3515"] I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading the responses on this thread. While I totally agree with witz about the issues of obsessive thoughts & not letting go of the past, etc., require professional treatment versus the dialog on this chat board, you guys are incredibly insightful and wise I seriously doubt any better counsel & guidance will be given by a professional. Ive had all of those thoughts about the what if I had ., I should have .. why didnt I insist on .. it can really drive you crazy. Stands, I even wrote down all of my parenting errors and referred to my list while having a long talk with my son. I basically acknowledged the things I regret for not doing a better job at. Things like not being consistent enough with punishment; not being a better advocate for him in school; etc. He listened to me pour my heart out and told me not to blame myself for any of his issues. Did this conversation change any of his behaviors? Absolutely not. My son doesnt think he has any problems, LOL. But, it helped me to write it down and move on. I know our situation is different from yours but the overall theme is the same. Its kind of funny to think about it this way, but I had this thought after reading all of the responses you received. I think we can assume that all of the parents on the substance abuse & emeritus boards have been blessed with a difficult child. We cant help blaming ourselves for our childrens shortcomings (whatever the issue - drugs, no motivation, poor communication skills, wanting everything now but not wanting to work for it) we love them and want only the best for them. Its only natural to think we must have done something wrong. But I know some parents who have seemingly successful kids going off to college now. Their kids dont have a drug problem. Their kids dont continue to sabotage themselves over and over again. Were they just better at parenting? Do they love their kids more? Do they know a secret that all of us here missed? NO NO NO. I think the fact that we are on this board seeking the advice of others and trying to better ourselves is a testament to the fact that most of us probably were and continue to be good at parenting. Id venture to guess we all have a library of parenting books, ADHD books, how to deal with this or that, troubled teens, etc. Some of the parents mentioned above wouldnt dream of blaming themselves or even read a book on parenting. Some kids grew up with abuse, neglect, and worse but somehow succeed in this life. Some kids have loving parents who would move mountains for them yet they remain difficult children. I think we are probably guilty of trying too hard. [/QUOTE]
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