I was thinking today about difficult child's life. He started with ADHD diagnosis throught Childrens Developmental services. He took ritilan and adderall throughout elementary and middle school and some of high school. Maybe his diagnosis should have been anxiety all the time. Maybe he should have had anxiety medications instead of ADHD medications. He was not a real hyper kid just didnt pay attention to rules and was very impulsive. I feel bad sometimes when I think of probably all the wron g things I did when he was growing up to try and deal with the behavior. We took him to counselors and we went too. When I knew that what I was doing was not enough I tried to find someone more knowledgeable about behavior than myself. Sometimes I feel I need to ask him to forgive me too for messing up sometimes. I remember one time when he was about 10 he was riding his bike. We lived at the top of a hill and I had told him not to ride at a certain place or at least look - I was always outside with them never left them outstide by themselves much - well he almost got hit by a car not looking and just darting out into the road - I took his bike and threw it in the yard and told him to go in. Now I am thinking that was impulsive and maybe he just couldnt help it but he could lose his life not paying attention. So now I think some of his impulsiveness is still there but he isnt thinking right. He tried to medicate his anxiety with anxiety drugs but took too much - therefore substance abuse - not good. Oh well - I hope you dont think I am crazy.