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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 171867" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>Years ago, when my biodad was in dad mode---which wasn't often in my life---we spent some time together going to a concert. </p><p>First, I must digress. Now, this man was married four times. The first was to my biomom--he was 17, she was 15---they obviously weren't ready for marriage or children. They divorced when I was 6. He remarried right away. That didn't last long. He remarried again when I was about 10. She brought to the marriage 3 daughters. My dad raised them as his own---now take in mind his parents were raising my sister and I. He divorced her when I was 25. Shortly after I married husband. Then he met his final wife---They married in 1990. He died in 2000. She brought to the marriage a son and daughter. Again, he took the daughter in as his own and raised her. </p><p>Anyway, between each marriage he would waltz back into our lives and play daddy. And we always accepted him. So, for a year after I divorced ex he and I spent a lot of time together. We were riding to a George Jones (yeah, he was also the original redneck) concert one night and he grabbed my hand. He said, "I know that I owe you a big apology, but if I've learned one thing in my life, it's that if I allow it, guilt about my behavior will eat me alive. So, I don't apologize because it doesn't change a dam*ed thing---I just wanted to let you know that I know that I was wrong."</p><p>That was it.</p><p>Of course his pattern continued even after his death---when he left everything he owned to wife #4 and his daughter. But...</p><p></p><p>I think that we do what we do, we learn, we grow, we move on. Unless, like my dad, we choose to do the wrong thing. I have never tried to do the wrong thing by difficult child. I have no regrets. He doesn't owe me an apology. What he has done has harmed him much more than it has me---even though it hurts my heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 171867, member: 1436"] Years ago, when my biodad was in dad mode---which wasn't often in my life---we spent some time together going to a concert. First, I must digress. Now, this man was married four times. The first was to my biomom--he was 17, she was 15---they obviously weren't ready for marriage or children. They divorced when I was 6. He remarried right away. That didn't last long. He remarried again when I was about 10. She brought to the marriage 3 daughters. My dad raised them as his own---now take in mind his parents were raising my sister and I. He divorced her when I was 25. Shortly after I married husband. Then he met his final wife---They married in 1990. He died in 2000. She brought to the marriage a son and daughter. Again, he took the daughter in as his own and raised her. Anyway, between each marriage he would waltz back into our lives and play daddy. And we always accepted him. So, for a year after I divorced ex he and I spent a lot of time together. We were riding to a George Jones (yeah, he was also the original redneck) concert one night and he grabbed my hand. He said, "I know that I owe you a big apology, but if I've learned one thing in my life, it's that if I allow it, guilt about my behavior will eat me alive. So, I don't apologize because it doesn't change a dam*ed thing---I just wanted to let you know that I know that I was wrong." That was it. Of course his pattern continued even after his death---when he left everything he owned to wife #4 and his daughter. But... I think that we do what we do, we learn, we grow, we move on. Unless, like my dad, we choose to do the wrong thing. I have never tried to do the wrong thing by difficult child. I have no regrets. He doesn't owe me an apology. What he has done has harmed him much more than it has me---even though it hurts my heart. [/QUOTE]
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