Need to vent

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Loving Abbey 2, Apr 29, 2008.

  1. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    How many times have you heard that one?!?!

    But really I'm about to lose it. difficult child has been home full time since last Wednesday. She isn't any better!!! They got her off the lithium and she is mentally clearer--great. It didn't result in any increased behaviors than she went into the psychiatric hospital with. The same things are happening. She is completely oppositional, defiant, screaming, yelling, rude, thinks she is in charge, out of control...then she suddenly is happy, silly, hyper, talks and moves incessantly, fidigity, "baby" behavior and voice...and then she is crying and whiney. The only moments were things are okay for 30 seconds are the moments between the shifts in her mood.

    And she is completely non responsive to the behavioral rewards system. She is starting to get a bit physical with her peers at school--great, more reasons for kids and thier parents to hate her!

    The adderall is doing nothing, except, killing her appetite and messing up her sleep. I'm so freaking tired!!! The home based services haven't started yet. At the intake for home based on Friday, Abbey bit me and kicked me so hard my bruises are still purple. You would think it would make them move a bit faster, but no. We see the psychiatrist from the psychiatric hospital on Thursday, which is a lifetime away. And I don't really think he has any idea what he is doing. The Adderall needs to stop and she needs another mood stabililzer. I know she has tried nearly all of them, but I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!

    On top of all of this I am moving in less than a month. I am drowning in bills. I am so disconnected from everything that is not related to keeping difficult child from exploding. I feel so alone. I feel like I am the eye of the storm. I'm just standing there alone watching the chaos and completely unable to do anything.

    I'm so embarassed to say that I actually had to bribe her to get through the store tonight. It took an hour and a half to get her in the car, seat belt on, 15 min drive to store, and then out of car with shoes on and not screaming. I had to go to the store, I needed her medications and mine. I also was in desperate need for a vaccum belt (it's been broken for 2 weeks). And a few personal items. So I got them all at once. I had to have her in the carriage (remember she is nearly 9 yrs old) so she wouldn't get away from me. It also decreases the overstimulation, distractions, and grabbing of items. In order to get the few things I needed I kept saying just a few more minutes than we can get you a pair of shoes. She loves shoes and she really doesn't need any more shoes but it was the only thing I could think of to get us through the store. She didn't deserve any shoes and it sets such a bad experience for future trips to the store. But I really couldn't do anything else.

    Right now I'm just trying to make it through the day without her hurting herself or anyone else. Once I finally get her to school, late of course, I just cry on my way to work. The crisis has not let up yet. I have become desperate, exhausted and apparently at the will of an unstable child.

    Whew, that helped a bit, but now I'm just more aware of my sadness at the current state of our lives. I need a mom to take care of me!
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Michelle, I don't know what to say except I'm sorry. If the psychiatric hospital psychiatrist won't listen to you, is there another psychiatrist who has helped in the past? It sounds as if Abbey needs a medication overhaul PDQ.

    Sending mega hugs your way tonight.
  3. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry. I feel for you. I don't think people reason how difficult it is to do the day to day stuff with a difficult child. There are times when I am afraid to go to the grocery store because my son (also 9) is getting to big for me to handle.

  4. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Exhausted just reading your post. Sounds like she's rapid cycling.

    You must be pulling your hair out. Hugs
  5. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    I'm so sorry to hear what a hard time difficult child is giving you. I think it's important to keep in mind that you do have reason for hope - a psychiatrist appointment coming up, new services, and I'm not sure of the circumstances of your move, but here's hoping you're moving to a better place, a better situation in some regards. Here's hoping that you'll find some help from psychiatrist on Thurs and the new services that are starting soon.

    Don't beat yourself up about the shoes. You're in fire fighting mode right now. The good news is, you DID get her through the store. And your hard work to keep her safe IS effective. At this point in time, getting through every day is an accomplishment that you can be proud of.

    Congratulations on getting through today. Vent again tomorrow so we can congratulate you again!
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sending huge (((hugs))) and hoping tomorrow is a much better day for you both.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Michelle, so sorry it was such a difficult day. Hugs to you, hoping today is better for you both.
  8. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    I wish I could help you...I have to say I am impressed that you got all of that done with difficult child.

    It sounds like you are a GREAT mom! Hang in there...we are all here for you and cheering for you!:crazy1:
  9. So sorry you are having such a difficult time. My heart really goes out to you. You are doing such a wonderful job! I really hope the psychiatrist appointment helps and you are able to get some relief. Take a deep breath. Hugs to you.

  10. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    I've made it through one more day with difficult child. this morning was the same disaster. BUT tonight went a little easier, and I mean a tiny bit easier. I think it was because when I went to pick her up from the afterschool program at the school, we went straight to the playground for 25minutes. We ran and played. This made the ride and transition home better. She was still the train wreck she has been, but she got in the car and put on her seat belt right away and didn't sceam the whole ride home. The other good part was that it took one hour to get her to bed. She's actually asleep right now!!!! That is worth a million bucks!!

    I just can't go to the playground everyday, between weather and when I get out of work, it's not a guarentee. And going to the play ground means she doesn't have a lot of time to read, play games or watch TV or whatever it is that she feels like doing besides eating dinner. But it worked for today. Tomorrow will be difficult because I have to pick her up early from school for her dr's appointment. And that type of thing just throws her off. On the one hand I hope she is very difficult in the meeting so that the psychiatrist may realize she needs her medications adjusted, on the other hand, we will be at a psychiatric hospital for the appointment and I don't want her to stay there again because she is so out of control at the appointment.

    As for another psychiatrist, I'm working on that. We have an appointment in three weeks with a new one, but we needed one before then. The last psychiatrist over medicated and the psychiatric hospital doctor is under medicating.

    I'm having a glass of wine and watching mindless "reality" TV so I'm in a better place tonight than last night. I really hope tomorrow goes well with the psychiatrist or I may be acting like a difficult child in his office.

    thanks for the support! I couldn't do this without you all!!