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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 215049" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi guys!</p><p> </p><p>Thank you so much for all your input. We were so tossed and confused over this that we actually contacted his therapist, boyfriend's and i met with mine today and we had coffee.</p><p> </p><p>They both actually said that allowing kids to come with us, yet we wouldnt' go to dinner with-all of them ( we simply can't afford it) would be very wrong on multiple levels.</p><p> </p><p>They said it is wrong because these children (his) have not had enough time to get accustomed to the "schedule" of the holidays yet. That this will create uncertainty for them with each holiday that comes to follow. They will think it's their decision and it will put pressure on them to chose between Mom and Dad, if we don't keep to divorce decree this time around. Not to mention their anxiety level and unsurity with what is coming next, a lack in routine for them.</p><p> </p><p>They also said we can't control what traditions they do or don't do there, yet it's their mom's turn (with whom by the way before coming out of the closet; was very much into tradition and holidays) to step up to the plate and show these children a nice holiday. They need to see their mother be strong and capable we take that away if we take the kids and go along with her selfishness.</p><p> </p><p>boyfriend tends to "save" the day a whole lot in regards to the ex still. He feels badly for his children and never wants them to do without. This has caused huge issue for his life both financially and emotionally. For example alimony was supposed to stop well over a year ago, once she took a live in partner, yet he still pays it, their mortgage on house, their car insurance, etc. it really is out of control. So, by doing this and swooping kids and changing plans to "save the day" again he is enabling her to continue behaving with her own needs first and foremost and not her children's needs.</p><p> </p><p>They said the therapists that is, that if years had passed, the children's holiday routines were set in stone and a familiarity with the schedule was in place and this happened it would be fine for us to take them, switch our plans and go to his dad's for thanksgiving. Yet because those things have not happened yet for them we cannot it would be wrong. I do agree.</p><p> </p><p>My heart wants to have custody of them to be quite frank, it always has. I have grown to love them, yes even with their antics yet at the same time i knew this woudl be the "right" thing to do. Which will probably upset boyfriend and me more than the kids.</p><p> </p><p>WE also found it it's her partners' birthday that day and she probably wants to be alone with her which is why they gave kids and option with-o speaking to boyfriend first. so so selfish.</p><p> </p><p>I hope this in the end teaches boyfriend a firm lesson finally that the ex isnt' the person she was. She functions at most times with what her best interests and desires are, not what these 3 children need and desire. I actually said if we do take them this year i feel in my gut you should take them every year than hands down. not just when ex doens't want to deal with her own children.</p><p> </p><p>Wow, you guys this stuff is difficult. Ontop of my difficult child, my easy child, my own stuff than throw in all his issues. Sometimes it gets to be a bit too much to be honest. I just want to eat turkey!!!! LOL</p><p> </p><p>ugh!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 215049, member: 4514"] hi guys! Thank you so much for all your input. We were so tossed and confused over this that we actually contacted his therapist, boyfriend's and i met with mine today and we had coffee. They both actually said that allowing kids to come with us, yet we wouldnt' go to dinner with-all of them ( we simply can't afford it) would be very wrong on multiple levels. They said it is wrong because these children (his) have not had enough time to get accustomed to the "schedule" of the holidays yet. That this will create uncertainty for them with each holiday that comes to follow. They will think it's their decision and it will put pressure on them to chose between Mom and Dad, if we don't keep to divorce decree this time around. Not to mention their anxiety level and unsurity with what is coming next, a lack in routine for them. They also said we can't control what traditions they do or don't do there, yet it's their mom's turn (with whom by the way before coming out of the closet; was very much into tradition and holidays) to step up to the plate and show these children a nice holiday. They need to see their mother be strong and capable we take that away if we take the kids and go along with her selfishness. boyfriend tends to "save" the day a whole lot in regards to the ex still. He feels badly for his children and never wants them to do without. This has caused huge issue for his life both financially and emotionally. For example alimony was supposed to stop well over a year ago, once she took a live in partner, yet he still pays it, their mortgage on house, their car insurance, etc. it really is out of control. So, by doing this and swooping kids and changing plans to "save the day" again he is enabling her to continue behaving with her own needs first and foremost and not her children's needs. They said the therapists that is, that if years had passed, the children's holiday routines were set in stone and a familiarity with the schedule was in place and this happened it would be fine for us to take them, switch our plans and go to his dad's for thanksgiving. Yet because those things have not happened yet for them we cannot it would be wrong. I do agree. My heart wants to have custody of them to be quite frank, it always has. I have grown to love them, yes even with their antics yet at the same time i knew this woudl be the "right" thing to do. Which will probably upset boyfriend and me more than the kids. WE also found it it's her partners' birthday that day and she probably wants to be alone with her which is why they gave kids and option with-o speaking to boyfriend first. so so selfish. I hope this in the end teaches boyfriend a firm lesson finally that the ex isnt' the person she was. She functions at most times with what her best interests and desires are, not what these 3 children need and desire. I actually said if we do take them this year i feel in my gut you should take them every year than hands down. not just when ex doens't want to deal with her own children. Wow, you guys this stuff is difficult. Ontop of my difficult child, my easy child, my own stuff than throw in all his issues. Sometimes it gets to be a bit too much to be honest. I just want to eat turkey!!!! LOL ugh! [/QUOTE]
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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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