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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 215163" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Jennifer, did the therapist point out to you and boyfriend that neither of you can change how his ex behaves? And that only you and boyfriend can change how you behave and react? In my very humble opinion, that is the only thing either of you have even a small amount of control over on any given holiday that his ex decides to manipulate all of you, including her children.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">Imagine how crappy the kids already must feel deep down, maybe without even realizing they feel that way, that their mom doesn't want to spend the holiday with them and now you and their dad are arguing about it all. That rots. And I'm not blaming you or boyfriend for making it worse, but the longer this is drawn out, the worse it will be each time the ex starts in with her garbage.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Century Gothic'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: purple">I love the idea of you having the meal and inviting the parents, though I know it may be too late for that now. I think you will have to muddle through this holiday and then have a discussion (best with the therapist on hand) afterwards to decide how you will handle these types of situations in the future. You and boyfriend have to decide how you will react - or NOT react - when his exh pulls this...and figure out how not to hurt the kiddos in the process. That will be tricky. Best of luck. I hope that you can come to a solution. It may mean that you just have to let this one go and let your boyfriend do what he wants to do with his kids - your difficult child may get upset but you can work through it. Your mom may get upset, but she's an adult and you can explain to her that you're still working on the blended family stuff. It's very understandable. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed by this, but I think you will be okay. Remember, deep breaths and time outs for yourself. </span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 215163, member: 2211"] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Jennifer, did the therapist point out to you and boyfriend that neither of you can change how his ex behaves? And that only you and boyfriend can change how you behave and react? In my very humble opinion, that is the only thing either of you have even a small amount of control over on any given holiday that his ex decides to manipulate all of you, including her children.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]Imagine how crappy the kids already must feel deep down, maybe without even realizing they feel that way, that their mom doesn't want to spend the holiday with them and now you and their dad are arguing about it all. That rots. And I'm not blaming you or boyfriend for making it worse, but the longer this is drawn out, the worse it will be each time the ex starts in with her garbage.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Century Gothic][SIZE=3][COLOR=purple]I love the idea of you having the meal and inviting the parents, though I know it may be too late for that now. I think you will have to muddle through this holiday and then have a discussion (best with the therapist on hand) afterwards to decide how you will handle these types of situations in the future. You and boyfriend have to decide how you will react - or NOT react - when his exh pulls this...and figure out how not to hurt the kiddos in the process. That will be tricky. Best of luck. I hope that you can come to a solution. It may mean that you just have to let this one go and let your boyfriend do what he wants to do with his kids - your difficult child may get upset but you can work through it. Your mom may get upset, but she's an adult and you can explain to her that you're still working on the blended family stuff. It's very understandable. I'm so sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed by this, but I think you will be okay. Remember, deep breaths and time outs for yourself. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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