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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 215327" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Hey, Jenn, I'm not a guy, but I can say that I have a strange "relationship" with my difficult child's bio dad.</p><p>***</p><p>We weren't married 18 years. We were together somewhere around 15-ish (married 9, I think).</p><p>***</p><p>I don't hate him. I get very angry about things he does and has done, but hatred is not an emotion I feel towards him. He was very much the way he is now when we were still married, and altho it drove us apart, I had learned to deal with it at some level, that didn't involve ugly feelings towards him. Sometimes, early on, I even mourned the fact that it didn't work out. Not so much because I loved him or missed him, but because it now meant me and my kids were yet another statistic on the "failed marriage" tally - and that's not the dream I wanted to live. I wish I could explain my feelings about him, but I'm not sure how - its very strange.</p><p>***</p><p>An aside from that, I am one who votes for the kids having a say in where they go, too. Altho she did need to talk to you guys, first. That said, we will probably be doing largely "nothing" on Thanksgiving Day, too. My siblings are considerabley older than I am, and when they got married and had in-laws who wouldn't budge, our family started celebrating holidays before or after-the-fact instead of on the day. This started when I was around 8 or 10, and honestly, I appreciate it - now much more than then. I watch as other families rush from house to house to make everyone happy and eat 2 or 3 huge meals on one day, grumpy kids in tow, and I realize, because of my parents' choice to not celebrate on the day, we get to spend entire days, if not weekends, as a family together, and the payoff is HUGE. The kids bring their friends (who can come because its not on the day!), we play card games and board games with each our family for hours on end, until the wee hours of the morning, the laughter and joy the comes from that house is palpable. So I usually spend Thanksgiving with husband and wee difficult child, doing chores around the house, like any other weekend day, and sometimes I feel a little bad cause we aren't celebrating the day, but never fails, when our day rolls around, I am always so very thankful for how we do it. </p><p>***</p><p>My .02.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 215327, member: 1848"] Hey, Jenn, I'm not a guy, but I can say that I have a strange "relationship" with my difficult child's bio dad. *** We weren't married 18 years. We were together somewhere around 15-ish (married 9, I think). *** I don't hate him. I get very angry about things he does and has done, but hatred is not an emotion I feel towards him. He was very much the way he is now when we were still married, and altho it drove us apart, I had learned to deal with it at some level, that didn't involve ugly feelings towards him. Sometimes, early on, I even mourned the fact that it didn't work out. Not so much because I loved him or missed him, but because it now meant me and my kids were yet another statistic on the "failed marriage" tally - and that's not the dream I wanted to live. I wish I could explain my feelings about him, but I'm not sure how - its very strange. *** An aside from that, I am one who votes for the kids having a say in where they go, too. Altho she did need to talk to you guys, first. That said, we will probably be doing largely "nothing" on Thanksgiving Day, too. My siblings are considerabley older than I am, and when they got married and had in-laws who wouldn't budge, our family started celebrating holidays before or after-the-fact instead of on the day. This started when I was around 8 or 10, and honestly, I appreciate it - now much more than then. I watch as other families rush from house to house to make everyone happy and eat 2 or 3 huge meals on one day, grumpy kids in tow, and I realize, because of my parents' choice to not celebrate on the day, we get to spend entire days, if not weekends, as a family together, and the payoff is HUGE. The kids bring their friends (who can come because its not on the day!), we play card games and board games with each our family for hours on end, until the wee hours of the morning, the laughter and joy the comes from that house is palpable. So I usually spend Thanksgiving with husband and wee difficult child, doing chores around the house, like any other weekend day, and sometimes I feel a little bad cause we aren't celebrating the day, but never fails, when our day rolls around, I am always so very thankful for how we do it. *** My .02. [/QUOTE]
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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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