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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 215349" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'm one of those who has always had great relationships with my exes, whether BFs or spouse. My ex-hubby has stayed in my home more than once with his flavor of the year so he could visit old friends, etc. Didn't bother me. Did bother a couple of his GFs. Their problem, not mine. Do I still love my ex-hubby? Part of me still does and we've been apart for 18 years and part of me always will have a soft spot for him.</p><p> </p><p>That being said, I always made sure that his latest flame came first in his life. If she was uncomfortable with us talking, I wouldn't talk to him. However, my daughter is my daughter, not his, so kids were not an issue. I would always expect that if he had truly agreed to the adoption, he would put his daughter before anyone else and I do mean anyone else. That's the way it should be.</p><p> </p><p>Your boyfriend is taking it too far. It is time for him to step back and pay child support but not the extras. One fact of life is that 18 years of marriage and 3 kids means that she gets more of his money than you do. Stinks, but that's the way it is. Since it is making you miserable and you're already insecure because of some of his past behaviors, he needs to talk to her about the kids but nothing more. No more friendly chats and the like. You really need to get him to see this, preferably in front of a therapist who can help him work through this.</p><p> </p><p>As for you, you can't control him or stop his behavior. All you can do is control your feelings about everything. You need to decide if he is worth the pain you keep going through. It seems like there is always something he does to bring out the insecurities in you. I don't know if it is deliberate on his part but it is certainly hurtful. So, it really is up to you to decide if you think you can live with his behavior because it sounds like it will be a continuing circle -- either his ex or a female friend or an online chatter or something.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry you are not happy. We all deserve to be happy in our relationships. They should have some glitches so that we can appreciate our SO when the glitches are worked out, but we should not have to be insecure and unhappy all the time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 215349, member: 3626"] I'm one of those who has always had great relationships with my exes, whether BFs or spouse. My ex-hubby has stayed in my home more than once with his flavor of the year so he could visit old friends, etc. Didn't bother me. Did bother a couple of his GFs. Their problem, not mine. Do I still love my ex-hubby? Part of me still does and we've been apart for 18 years and part of me always will have a soft spot for him. That being said, I always made sure that his latest flame came first in his life. If she was uncomfortable with us talking, I wouldn't talk to him. However, my daughter is my daughter, not his, so kids were not an issue. I would always expect that if he had truly agreed to the adoption, he would put his daughter before anyone else and I do mean anyone else. That's the way it should be. Your boyfriend is taking it too far. It is time for him to step back and pay child support but not the extras. One fact of life is that 18 years of marriage and 3 kids means that she gets more of his money than you do. Stinks, but that's the way it is. Since it is making you miserable and you're already insecure because of some of his past behaviors, he needs to talk to her about the kids but nothing more. No more friendly chats and the like. You really need to get him to see this, preferably in front of a therapist who can help him work through this. As for you, you can't control him or stop his behavior. All you can do is control your feelings about everything. You need to decide if he is worth the pain you keep going through. It seems like there is always something he does to bring out the insecurities in you. I don't know if it is deliberate on his part but it is certainly hurtful. So, it really is up to you to decide if you think you can live with his behavior because it sounds like it will be a continuing circle -- either his ex or a female friend or an online chatter or something. I am sorry you are not happy. We all deserve to be happy in our relationships. They should have some glitches so that we can appreciate our SO when the glitches are worked out, but we should not have to be insecure and unhappy all the time. [/QUOTE]
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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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