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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 215448" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi,</p><p> </p><p>He does trigger me without a doubt. There's a whole lot of good in him, yet our views on certain things differ greatly. Parenting we seem to be on the same page, yet things regarding his ex we are not.</p><p> </p><p>He'd like to see me be more secure in this so that everytime she calls regarding a kid, than goes into the personal realm even if just a little i won't flip out or dissapprove.</p><p> </p><p>When I think back to how it was almost two years ago, and how it is now in regards to the ex yes there is def. improvement, hands down. She doesn't contact him on our "date night" anymore, he cuts her off when she goes into the personal realm with him when him and i are together, which is only 2 days a week. He does not play her "emotional" support anymore to the extent that he did. She used to call him for absolutely everything that has ceased somewhat. My Therapist told me just be patient with him, he went through alot, he's trying he really is yet 18 years of habits die hard and takes a while to re establish new ones. Yet his therapist tells him it's ok to have a friendship with your ex. So, the two don't match.</p><p> </p><p>To be quite honest if all the past stuff hadn't happened I could care less if they talked on occassion yet being that this woman crossed boundary after boundary due to her uneasiness that he moved on i have those memories in my head and so i am careful and very guarded when it comes to her entering my zone in anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Every relationship has boundaries to some extent. I believe when you are dealing with two individuals you decide those boundaries and that is also a part of respecting a person and their space. He never calls or texts her he honestly does not, only when she calls does he answer or responds to her texts when she does. She is aggressive and demanding needy and possessive. It takes a firm hand to handle her without a doubt i have soo learned. I tried in the beginning to be gracious and helpful, babysat for her many a time when boyfriend was at work and she needed a sitter, i even spoke to her at length a few times regarding her oldest because she was having issues with her and wanted my input. Well, all the while she was bringing me into her little "ex web" and i am so so naive lol, she was texting him ridiculous things, telling her oldest bad things about me, and just really poisoning minds. </p><p> </p><p>There are times in which I am very happy with him, he is very caring and thoughtful is honest now with me which is key and it's the brutal honest at times that kills me lol. He has supported me emotionally through alot as i have him. Yet for the long haul i need to see more change. He says i'm trying so hard, I really am. I try to keep her at bay best I can, yet it's hard she uses kids as an excuse. </p><p> </p><p>So, we shall see how the holidays go over this year. Last xmas eve we had his ex calling here at 3 a.m. woke me and my children and him because her oldest was up and giving everyone a hard time. Than she proceeded to text on and off all day on xmas day while we were all at my parents telling him how she missed him, and was sorry she did this to him, etc. blah blah blah. Alot of unfinished business. She was soo controlling last year she wouldnt' allow us or boyfriend to buy the kids gifts that we were giving them here she went shopping wrapped them and we picked them up a few days before xmas to give it to his kids!! He allowed her.</p><p> </p><p>So, as you can see it was quite insane and there has been improvement yet we shall see how much quite soon i believe. I think that the paying her car insurance is a bit absurd, their also on the same cell phone plan (family plan) still. My therapist really feels as though everything takes time and this will as well. Yet i'm unfortunately not a patient woman and I can also be demanding in my own right. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> beleive it or not. so we shall see. He's made improvements in alot of things, yet she's a long haul situation she will never go away and the boundaries that aren't in place simply affect our lives, our plans, etc. he doesnt' see it that way. Why i do not know.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for taking the time to respond to me, i do appreciate it and your thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 215448, member: 4514"] hi, He does trigger me without a doubt. There's a whole lot of good in him, yet our views on certain things differ greatly. Parenting we seem to be on the same page, yet things regarding his ex we are not. He'd like to see me be more secure in this so that everytime she calls regarding a kid, than goes into the personal realm even if just a little i won't flip out or dissapprove. When I think back to how it was almost two years ago, and how it is now in regards to the ex yes there is def. improvement, hands down. She doesn't contact him on our "date night" anymore, he cuts her off when she goes into the personal realm with him when him and i are together, which is only 2 days a week. He does not play her "emotional" support anymore to the extent that he did. She used to call him for absolutely everything that has ceased somewhat. My Therapist told me just be patient with him, he went through alot, he's trying he really is yet 18 years of habits die hard and takes a while to re establish new ones. Yet his therapist tells him it's ok to have a friendship with your ex. So, the two don't match. To be quite honest if all the past stuff hadn't happened I could care less if they talked on occassion yet being that this woman crossed boundary after boundary due to her uneasiness that he moved on i have those memories in my head and so i am careful and very guarded when it comes to her entering my zone in anyway. Every relationship has boundaries to some extent. I believe when you are dealing with two individuals you decide those boundaries and that is also a part of respecting a person and their space. He never calls or texts her he honestly does not, only when she calls does he answer or responds to her texts when she does. She is aggressive and demanding needy and possessive. It takes a firm hand to handle her without a doubt i have soo learned. I tried in the beginning to be gracious and helpful, babysat for her many a time when boyfriend was at work and she needed a sitter, i even spoke to her at length a few times regarding her oldest because she was having issues with her and wanted my input. Well, all the while she was bringing me into her little "ex web" and i am so so naive lol, she was texting him ridiculous things, telling her oldest bad things about me, and just really poisoning minds. There are times in which I am very happy with him, he is very caring and thoughtful is honest now with me which is key and it's the brutal honest at times that kills me lol. He has supported me emotionally through alot as i have him. Yet for the long haul i need to see more change. He says i'm trying so hard, I really am. I try to keep her at bay best I can, yet it's hard she uses kids as an excuse. So, we shall see how the holidays go over this year. Last xmas eve we had his ex calling here at 3 a.m. woke me and my children and him because her oldest was up and giving everyone a hard time. Than she proceeded to text on and off all day on xmas day while we were all at my parents telling him how she missed him, and was sorry she did this to him, etc. blah blah blah. Alot of unfinished business. She was soo controlling last year she wouldnt' allow us or boyfriend to buy the kids gifts that we were giving them here she went shopping wrapped them and we picked them up a few days before xmas to give it to his kids!! He allowed her. So, as you can see it was quite insane and there has been improvement yet we shall see how much quite soon i believe. I think that the paying her car insurance is a bit absurd, their also on the same cell phone plan (family plan) still. My therapist really feels as though everything takes time and this will as well. Yet i'm unfortunately not a patient woman and I can also be demanding in my own right. :) beleive it or not. so we shall see. He's made improvements in alot of things, yet she's a long haul situation she will never go away and the boundaries that aren't in place simply affect our lives, our plans, etc. he doesnt' see it that way. Why i do not know. Thanks for taking the time to respond to me, i do appreciate it and your thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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need your advice pls... kid issue/thanksgiving
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