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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 612293" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I do not agree that you should push for this change. You really have zero way to know if he is being truthful. How often has he been truthful with you in the past? While it is overused, the saying that you know when a sub abuser is lying because his lips are moving is true. It sounds like your son has been to traditional rehab settings in the past and they have not been any real help because he chose not to take the lessons they were teaching.</p><p></p><p>If traditional rehab has not worked in the past, why would this time be different? Chances are it would not because he does not think he is really an addict. So why would the courts move him? </p><p></p><p>If things are as bad as he says, then HE needs to advocate to get into a program that is more suited, NOT you. Once again he is getting you to put more into his recovery than he is. If he truly wants to get clean, he will find a way no matter where he is. Given all the resources he has been offered but refused to do anything to participate and/or to truly change his life via those resources, it is time for him to put the effort into getting clean and showing his desire to recover rather than simply complaining to Mommy about how mean everyone is. Send him the main AA book (I think it is often called the blue book or big book, but I could be wrong), a book of daily affirmations, and make him advocate for his transfer by himself. </p><p></p><p>At the very least, try to sit down with him and a counselor on a family day, or call the head of the program, and ask about how it is structured, how often 12 step meetings are offered, and if most participants are 15 yo kids smoking pot now and then. It is incredibly common for an addict to say the things you are hearing to get out of a more restricted placement. </p><p></p><p>If, and ONLY if, you can verify what he is saying and it is ALL true,then maybe it is time to see if the courts would move him. But unless you have concrete proof that goes well beyond the word of a sub abuser who has already been to many programs, I would NOT advocate for a move. Traditional rehabs simply have not worked for him, Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 612293, member: 1233"] I do not agree that you should push for this change. You really have zero way to know if he is being truthful. How often has he been truthful with you in the past? While it is overused, the saying that you know when a sub abuser is lying because his lips are moving is true. It sounds like your son has been to traditional rehab settings in the past and they have not been any real help because he chose not to take the lessons they were teaching. If traditional rehab has not worked in the past, why would this time be different? Chances are it would not because he does not think he is really an addict. So why would the courts move him? If things are as bad as he says, then HE needs to advocate to get into a program that is more suited, NOT you. Once again he is getting you to put more into his recovery than he is. If he truly wants to get clean, he will find a way no matter where he is. Given all the resources he has been offered but refused to do anything to participate and/or to truly change his life via those resources, it is time for him to put the effort into getting clean and showing his desire to recover rather than simply complaining to Mommy about how mean everyone is. Send him the main AA book (I think it is often called the blue book or big book, but I could be wrong), a book of daily affirmations, and make him advocate for his transfer by himself. At the very least, try to sit down with him and a counselor on a family day, or call the head of the program, and ask about how it is structured, how often 12 step meetings are offered, and if most participants are 15 yo kids smoking pot now and then. It is incredibly common for an addict to say the things you are hearing to get out of a more restricted placement. If, and ONLY if, you can verify what he is saying and it is ALL true,then maybe it is time to see if the courts would move him. But unless you have concrete proof that goes well beyond the word of a sub abuser who has already been to many programs, I would NOT advocate for a move. Traditional rehabs simply have not worked for him, Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
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