mstang67chic
Going Green
This should probably belong in PE but as it covers detachment also, here I am.
I stated in a previous General post that while husband had given difficult child a deadline to be out of the house, he was worried about kicking him out if difficult child didn't have a place to go. He (husband) has also stated recently that he doesn't want to "give up" on difficult child until he gets through to him.
I've talked to husband about both issues. WE aren't going to change or fix difficult child. HE is. HE has to be the one to do it. We have done everything we can to give him what he needs to do it. If he refuses to use that information/tools, it's on him, not us. husband understands this but still has those feelings and worry's.
I've told him that we have given difficult child 2 months notice. He has a case manager to help him so if he doesn't have something lined up within 2 months, that's also on him. Besides, there is a shelter in the next county over that he could go to. (CM would probably have to take him though) Granted, while I know this is what needs to happen, it's not going to make it easier when it does happen. I understand completely where husband is coming from on these fears but it has to happen.
So, what I was hoping to get from you all are stories. Detachment, pushing difficult child out of the nest....whatever your experience. husband and I can talk to each other till we're blue in the face but I think seeing stories from people that have done it already would help him. I originally wanted him to post here under his own screen name but difficult child is keeping close and there really hasn't been an opportunity to do it. (If difficult child sees this site and posts about HIM, he would blow a gasket and I'm just not feeling up to dealing with that this weekend). I will show the responses to husband and hopefully he will reply so there can be some interaction, questions answered, etc.
It's not that husband is in denial or anything....but he's a fixer. And it's just killing him that he can't fix difficult child. I worry too, don't get me wrong, but I hit my limit a while back. Because of husband's work schedule, I'm the one who deals with difficult child the majority of the time (although husband steps in whenever he's able). Because of that though, I realized a long time ago that it's all up to difficult child now. husband hasn't quite gotten to that same point yet.
I stated in a previous General post that while husband had given difficult child a deadline to be out of the house, he was worried about kicking him out if difficult child didn't have a place to go. He (husband) has also stated recently that he doesn't want to "give up" on difficult child until he gets through to him.
I've talked to husband about both issues. WE aren't going to change or fix difficult child. HE is. HE has to be the one to do it. We have done everything we can to give him what he needs to do it. If he refuses to use that information/tools, it's on him, not us. husband understands this but still has those feelings and worry's.
I've told him that we have given difficult child 2 months notice. He has a case manager to help him so if he doesn't have something lined up within 2 months, that's also on him. Besides, there is a shelter in the next county over that he could go to. (CM would probably have to take him though) Granted, while I know this is what needs to happen, it's not going to make it easier when it does happen. I understand completely where husband is coming from on these fears but it has to happen.
So, what I was hoping to get from you all are stories. Detachment, pushing difficult child out of the nest....whatever your experience. husband and I can talk to each other till we're blue in the face but I think seeing stories from people that have done it already would help him. I originally wanted him to post here under his own screen name but difficult child is keeping close and there really hasn't been an opportunity to do it. (If difficult child sees this site and posts about HIM, he would blow a gasket and I'm just not feeling up to dealing with that this weekend). I will show the responses to husband and hopefully he will reply so there can be some interaction, questions answered, etc.
It's not that husband is in denial or anything....but he's a fixer. And it's just killing him that he can't fix difficult child. I worry too, don't get me wrong, but I hit my limit a while back. Because of husband's work schedule, I'm the one who deals with difficult child the majority of the time (although husband steps in whenever he's able). Because of that though, I realized a long time ago that it's all up to difficult child now. husband hasn't quite gotten to that same point yet.