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<blockquote data-quote="in a daze" data-source="post: 614466" data-attributes="member: 15832"><p>Quote: It really sounds like he needs major supervision at this point, not more perks. The fact that he won't connect with his Dad seems to speak to his not liking boundaries at all........from his Dad or from this facility. If I were in your shoes, I think I would wait, talk to the professionals, and really recognize that you ARE doing everything possible for your son right now.</p><p></p><p>Thanks, Recovering. Put in a call to his counselor but he hasn't been able to reach me yet.</p><p></p><p>Quote:</p><p>His history of relapse, combined with his attitude toward his father and his lackluster job hunting history indicates someone who needs more time to stabilize. I don't think son is being manipulative, really...just probably so ready to get on with his life and tired of needing to be where he is. Think about someone who has been physically ill for awhile. (Or even, think back to when you were pregnant!) There are times when we just want to get back to our regular lives. And we can't, so we get cranky and demanding.</p><p></p><p>Good point, Cedar! I do send him books. He does his job searches in the library.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you Helpangel, Suzir, and Susie for the reality check. I must remember that what he wants is not necessarily what he needs, and his rejection of his father is something that should be refuted in every conversation I have with him, and not rewarded.</p><p></p><p>He called me last night, again complaining of depression and loneliness. Welbutrin has been added to his medication cocktail but he does not see an effect yet. He has applied to McDonald's and Burger King. He speaks of "walking around aimlessly" during job search time. He has applied to temp agency but since he is not available during the day cannot do office work. Reminded him again that IOP will most likely end in January and he will be more available during the day. Upbraided him for not answering or acknowledging his father's texts. He replied that dad makes him anxious and that dad was belittling and critical to him (not lately, before he went in hospital first time). I reiterated that his dad loves him, and wants more than anything to have a relationship with him. I reminded him of his awful behavior at home, where he wouldn't follow the rules, manipulated us into lowering the rent, abused substances, etc. He had mentioned that he wanted to come home, and I told him that coming home was NOT an option. I let all that sink in.</p><p></p><p>In his defense, as Suzir had mentioned, he's been at the place for a long time. It's really hard to stay at a place where you are only allowed visitors on Sunday afternoons and they are not allowed to take you off the premises until you have a job. His ineffectual job search is the real problem here. I told him (again!) to apply for Vocational Rehab.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="in a daze, post: 614466, member: 15832"] Quote: It really sounds like he needs major supervision at this point, not more perks. The fact that he won't connect with his Dad seems to speak to his not liking boundaries at all........from his Dad or from this facility. If I were in your shoes, I think I would wait, talk to the professionals, and really recognize that you ARE doing everything possible for your son right now. Thanks, Recovering. Put in a call to his counselor but he hasn't been able to reach me yet. Quote: His history of relapse, combined with his attitude toward his father and his lackluster job hunting history indicates someone who needs more time to stabilize. I don't think son is being manipulative, really...just probably so ready to get on with his life and tired of needing to be where he is. Think about someone who has been physically ill for awhile. (Or even, think back to when you were pregnant!) There are times when we just want to get back to our regular lives. And we can't, so we get cranky and demanding. Good point, Cedar! I do send him books. He does his job searches in the library. Thank you Helpangel, Suzir, and Susie for the reality check. I must remember that what he wants is not necessarily what he needs, and his rejection of his father is something that should be refuted in every conversation I have with him, and not rewarded. He called me last night, again complaining of depression and loneliness. Welbutrin has been added to his medication cocktail but he does not see an effect yet. He has applied to McDonald's and Burger King. He speaks of "walking around aimlessly" during job search time. He has applied to temp agency but since he is not available during the day cannot do office work. Reminded him again that IOP will most likely end in January and he will be more available during the day. Upbraided him for not answering or acknowledging his father's texts. He replied that dad makes him anxious and that dad was belittling and critical to him (not lately, before he went in hospital first time). I reiterated that his dad loves him, and wants more than anything to have a relationship with him. I reminded him of his awful behavior at home, where he wouldn't follow the rules, manipulated us into lowering the rent, abused substances, etc. He had mentioned that he wanted to come home, and I told him that coming home was NOT an option. I let all that sink in. In his defense, as Suzir had mentioned, he's been at the place for a long time. It's really hard to stay at a place where you are only allowed visitors on Sunday afternoons and they are not allowed to take you off the premises until you have a job. His ineffectual job search is the real problem here. I told him (again!) to apply for Vocational Rehab. [/QUOTE]
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