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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 614612" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>In a daze,</p><p>my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to hear them unhappy and pleading, and especially with the long duration of his current situation and nothing, at least in his eyes, to show for it. I agree with others that you need to speak to the professionals in the place. Also, what are the steps he needs to take to get out of there? I'm afraid I don't know what IOP is, so I apologize if that is self-explanatory, but if not...well, rather than get stuck in a cycle of complaining of his unhappiness to you, and hoping you will somehow fix things for him, he needs to put his feet on the path of meeting the requirements of getting out of there. It seems unlikely that he will do better somewhere else.</p><p>And I agree with all that high speed internet is not and cannot be the main issue.</p><p>It seems to me that a consistent issue with our difficult children is that they cannot tolerate frustration, and have little to no persistance or stick to itiveness. IF they don't like their situation or find it too difficult, well...it must be changed for them! It seems like they are developmentally stuck in the place of needed instant gratification.</p><p>The sad part is they don't seem to learn, or at least not quickly, that their fate is really in their own hands..that effort, persistence, patience are really what makes for a good life. That sending you unhappy txts will not actually make his life better in the long run, although it may scratch some itch in the short one.</p><p>I do suggest that you not answer his txts immediately...that just feeds the cycle of him complaining to you whenever he is unhappy. It may even seem that he is more unhappy than he is....he knee jerk blurts it out to you whenever he has the urge. Maybe you can make a pattern of just responding to him once a day...you will probably find that without immediate reinforcement (and of course you may already be doin this and I may be off base) he doesn't text you as often. You deserve a little space to breathe and find happiness yourself. That isn't possible if he jerks you back into his world over and over again on a given day.</p><p>We also had a lot of residential situations for our son...military school (gah, disaster), wilderness treatment center for 3 months, therapeutic boarding school for 15 months, rehab and then halfway house. He honestly never really benefitted from any of those settings, although he was safe for the time he was there, and at least we felt that we had tried everything...in the end he hitchhiked away from his halfway house after 10 days, and we have not arranged (or paid for) housing for him since. In the end we shelled out about a college education's worth of money to support him in his struggles and illness, and way way more in time, worry, love, and effort..and I can justify that as giving each of my kids what they need within some sort of fairness parameters. We can't go financially or emotionally broke over one kid when we have three others...you too need to preserve your emotional reserves, whether you have other kids or just other people in your life.</p><p>Good luck to you, and hugs, and please keep us abreast.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 614612, member: 17269"] In a daze, my heart goes out to you. It is so hard to hear them unhappy and pleading, and especially with the long duration of his current situation and nothing, at least in his eyes, to show for it. I agree with others that you need to speak to the professionals in the place. Also, what are the steps he needs to take to get out of there? I'm afraid I don't know what IOP is, so I apologize if that is self-explanatory, but if not...well, rather than get stuck in a cycle of complaining of his unhappiness to you, and hoping you will somehow fix things for him, he needs to put his feet on the path of meeting the requirements of getting out of there. It seems unlikely that he will do better somewhere else. And I agree with all that high speed internet is not and cannot be the main issue. It seems to me that a consistent issue with our difficult children is that they cannot tolerate frustration, and have little to no persistance or stick to itiveness. IF they don't like their situation or find it too difficult, well...it must be changed for them! It seems like they are developmentally stuck in the place of needed instant gratification. The sad part is they don't seem to learn, or at least not quickly, that their fate is really in their own hands..that effort, persistence, patience are really what makes for a good life. That sending you unhappy txts will not actually make his life better in the long run, although it may scratch some itch in the short one. I do suggest that you not answer his txts immediately...that just feeds the cycle of him complaining to you whenever he is unhappy. It may even seem that he is more unhappy than he is....he knee jerk blurts it out to you whenever he has the urge. Maybe you can make a pattern of just responding to him once a day...you will probably find that without immediate reinforcement (and of course you may already be doin this and I may be off base) he doesn't text you as often. You deserve a little space to breathe and find happiness yourself. That isn't possible if he jerks you back into his world over and over again on a given day. We also had a lot of residential situations for our son...military school (gah, disaster), wilderness treatment center for 3 months, therapeutic boarding school for 15 months, rehab and then halfway house. He honestly never really benefitted from any of those settings, although he was safe for the time he was there, and at least we felt that we had tried everything...in the end he hitchhiked away from his halfway house after 10 days, and we have not arranged (or paid for) housing for him since. In the end we shelled out about a college education's worth of money to support him in his struggles and illness, and way way more in time, worry, love, and effort..and I can justify that as giving each of my kids what they need within some sort of fairness parameters. We can't go financially or emotionally broke over one kid when we have three others...you too need to preserve your emotional reserves, whether you have other kids or just other people in your life. Good luck to you, and hugs, and please keep us abreast. [/QUOTE]
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