Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
I've decided that things only happen in my family in groups, never singly.
Tomorrow is Travis' next visit at the oncologist. I'm dreading it again. Partly because of her strange attitude last time, partly because, well h*ll just because this is serious stuff.
He'll have another cbc ect done tomorrow. We'll have the results while still there. She'll be checking the wbc's too to see if it's changed from the odd way they were last time. She told us it was probably due to a virus he'd just gotten over, although he hadn't been sick for a few weeks.
I dunno how that'll turn out as last week Travis was once again very sick. And I do mean VERY sick.
doctor made a big deal about us not taking him to fam doctor when he was sick this winter. Well, lady my last trip into fam doctor without insurance cost me 400.00....and I was WELL! And there isn't anything they'd do for flu like symptoms anyway except bill us and send him home. None of us had the money to run him into fam doctor everytime the boy didn't feel well. sheesh
So I don't know if this will have an affect on that wbc count or not. I assume it will the way she talked the last time. So we may get stuck waiting again.
Which I don't understand as many patients I know that have received leukemia dxes had gone to the doctor initially because they were so run down, exhausted and kept getting SICK. So I keep thinking there has to be a way for them to know the difference. A point I'm bringing up to her tomorrow.
And now my easy child is falling apart.
2 years ago she had a miscarriage after seeing the baby and hearing it's heartbeat on ultrasound. It was a very much wanted baby and very devistating for her. I worried at the time she wasn't dealing with it well. And I've worried for the past 2 yrs because she just couldn't seem to get past it and move on.
I don't want to seem cold hearted. I've had 2 miscarriages myself, the last one at almost 5 months. So I know personally how devistating it can be. And true, easy child has always had my shoulder and ears when she needs them, but I've encouraged her to seek professional help when I realized she couldn't move past it.
Instead she poured herself into work and school. She'd talk about it a little but never really dealt with the grief, anger, or pain. When the emotions began to get to her she'd push them away.
I was stunned speechless last week when she came in and annouced that she had dropped her classes for this quarter. It was all she could do not to break down when she told me. And although she said it was due to her stress levels, I knew the miscarriage had something to do with it.
Making it worse is the fact that she has been unable to conceive since she lost that baby. And she desperately wants another child. She has always dreamed of a very large family. And Darrin is 4 and she didn't want her kids spaced too far apart in age so she's feeling pressured. Doesn't help when Darrin keeps asking for a baby sister like Aubrey.
This past week she is unable to keep her emotions in check. She is over-reacting to minor things, either in anger or sobs. She called me tonight nearly hesterical. We talked for a long time. Even so, I told her that I don't think I'm qualified to help her with this. Yes, I've been there done that, but I'm afraid she isn't as open with me as she would be a therapist. Which being open and dealing with these pent up emotions ect is what she needs to do.
For some odd reason her insurance doesn't cover mental health. She'd be paying out of pocket, so is reluctant. She finally admits to being depressed. (I've known it all this time) easy child wants a "happy pill" to fix the depression. I reminded her there is no such thing, and most anti-depressants can take up to a month to start working. I recommended again the therapist, even if she decides she needs the medications.
I really don't feel qualified to be her "therapist". I'm more than happy to listen anytime she wants to open up to me. No problem. And she knows that I understand what she's going thru. But I don't know what to say to help her thru this. I told her with my worst one they were all in school. I'd spend my days sobbing in my room, pull it together when they were about to walk in the door, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other til I got thru it. The only thing I can see I did differently was that I allowed myself to feel the anger and the pain.
Hurts me to see her in so much pain. And then on top of it she is as worried about her brother as I am.
More prayers will be appreciated, for the both of them.
I haven't told anyone that I am once again back in that "Just putting one foot in front of the other" stage again. I have days when I am literally doing just that. Then I have days when I want to walk thru the front door and never come back. And then there are the days when I want to crawl into a corner, curl up in a ball and sob until there is nothing left.
And when it's bad like this, the one foot infront of the other gets me thru.
God, I am so very very tired.
Thanks for lending me your shoulder.
Hugs
Tomorrow is Travis' next visit at the oncologist. I'm dreading it again. Partly because of her strange attitude last time, partly because, well h*ll just because this is serious stuff.
He'll have another cbc ect done tomorrow. We'll have the results while still there. She'll be checking the wbc's too to see if it's changed from the odd way they were last time. She told us it was probably due to a virus he'd just gotten over, although he hadn't been sick for a few weeks.
I dunno how that'll turn out as last week Travis was once again very sick. And I do mean VERY sick.
doctor made a big deal about us not taking him to fam doctor when he was sick this winter. Well, lady my last trip into fam doctor without insurance cost me 400.00....and I was WELL! And there isn't anything they'd do for flu like symptoms anyway except bill us and send him home. None of us had the money to run him into fam doctor everytime the boy didn't feel well. sheesh
So I don't know if this will have an affect on that wbc count or not. I assume it will the way she talked the last time. So we may get stuck waiting again.
Which I don't understand as many patients I know that have received leukemia dxes had gone to the doctor initially because they were so run down, exhausted and kept getting SICK. So I keep thinking there has to be a way for them to know the difference. A point I'm bringing up to her tomorrow.
And now my easy child is falling apart.
2 years ago she had a miscarriage after seeing the baby and hearing it's heartbeat on ultrasound. It was a very much wanted baby and very devistating for her. I worried at the time she wasn't dealing with it well. And I've worried for the past 2 yrs because she just couldn't seem to get past it and move on.
I don't want to seem cold hearted. I've had 2 miscarriages myself, the last one at almost 5 months. So I know personally how devistating it can be. And true, easy child has always had my shoulder and ears when she needs them, but I've encouraged her to seek professional help when I realized she couldn't move past it.
Instead she poured herself into work and school. She'd talk about it a little but never really dealt with the grief, anger, or pain. When the emotions began to get to her she'd push them away.
I was stunned speechless last week when she came in and annouced that she had dropped her classes for this quarter. It was all she could do not to break down when she told me. And although she said it was due to her stress levels, I knew the miscarriage had something to do with it.
Making it worse is the fact that she has been unable to conceive since she lost that baby. And she desperately wants another child. She has always dreamed of a very large family. And Darrin is 4 and she didn't want her kids spaced too far apart in age so she's feeling pressured. Doesn't help when Darrin keeps asking for a baby sister like Aubrey.
This past week she is unable to keep her emotions in check. She is over-reacting to minor things, either in anger or sobs. She called me tonight nearly hesterical. We talked for a long time. Even so, I told her that I don't think I'm qualified to help her with this. Yes, I've been there done that, but I'm afraid she isn't as open with me as she would be a therapist. Which being open and dealing with these pent up emotions ect is what she needs to do.
For some odd reason her insurance doesn't cover mental health. She'd be paying out of pocket, so is reluctant. She finally admits to being depressed. (I've known it all this time) easy child wants a "happy pill" to fix the depression. I reminded her there is no such thing, and most anti-depressants can take up to a month to start working. I recommended again the therapist, even if she decides she needs the medications.
I really don't feel qualified to be her "therapist". I'm more than happy to listen anytime she wants to open up to me. No problem. And she knows that I understand what she's going thru. But I don't know what to say to help her thru this. I told her with my worst one they were all in school. I'd spend my days sobbing in my room, pull it together when they were about to walk in the door, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other til I got thru it. The only thing I can see I did differently was that I allowed myself to feel the anger and the pain.
Hurts me to see her in so much pain. And then on top of it she is as worried about her brother as I am.
More prayers will be appreciated, for the both of them.
I haven't told anyone that I am once again back in that "Just putting one foot in front of the other" stage again. I have days when I am literally doing just that. Then I have days when I want to walk thru the front door and never come back. And then there are the days when I want to crawl into a corner, curl up in a ball and sob until there is nothing left.
And when it's bad like this, the one foot infront of the other gets me thru.
God, I am so very very tired.
Thanks for lending me your shoulder.
Hugs
