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Nervous breakdown? What should I do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 417663" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I've skimmed responses. There's some good stuff there.</p><p></p><p>I've been in similar places at times, but for different reasons, of course.</p><p></p><p>Things to remember - </p><p></p><p>1) they don't call it nervous breakdown any more. I think the old term used to cover a wide range of different problems with different causes. But what you describe - been there done that. Without medications because I can't take them, and because I never told people the first time.</p><p></p><p>2) New grief raises old grief and especially old unresolved grief boils to the surface unpredictably and throws you badly off balance. Current unresolved grief adds to the mess and is like a raw wound gushing blood. You wonder how you can possibly survive - but you do. But the old grief, the stuff you thought was no longer an issue, is the great disturber. The new grief will have you wondering how you can have any tears left, but the old grief will rapidly morph into anger, then you feel guilty for being angry, especially over stuff that seems so trivial. But if you feel it, it is not as trivial as it seems. Do not let anyone including yourself) tell you it's trivial and to get over it. That is why you're having to deal with it again - because you listened to that crud the first time.</p><p></p><p>3) How I coped - sameness. I relied on patterns of behaviour, on not making choices I didn't need to make. i went to work, did a menial job, did not have to make decisions. Every day I ordered a sandwich for lunch. I could not choose what to have so I chose the Aussie simplest - a Vegemite sandwich on white bread. It would have been simple and easy to make my own each day, but there was a ritual in ordering it from the sandwich shop. My sandwich was delivered to my office at 12 noon each day. At 1 pm I went to the lunchroom on my own to eat it, or ate it at my desk. And when the shop's sandwich hand changed to someone who didn't know that Vegemite has to e spread thinly, and my sandwich was full or large salty black goopy blobs of Vegemite making it inedible, I still couldn't change. I still kept ordering Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. Then I had an argument with my boss. I can't remember why, I think I was starting to come out of my mouseness. But I couldn't stay at my desk or anywhere near him to eat my lunch so I began going for a walk to a park bench to eat. Then it was just a few steps further to buy something different - I was almost paralysed with fear the first time I had to change and make a decision. But it was what I had needed. A few months later I had enough gumption to change my job. But it had all been necessary for healing. </p><p></p><p>4) Whatever healing there is, is never permanent. But whatever progress you can make now, is pain that won't come back to haunt you next time.</p><p></p><p>5) Each time you go through this, you get better at healing yourself. It begins to come naturally. But the opposite is true - if your coping mechanism is denial, then each time you go through this, you get more skilled at denial and your pain will be even worse to begin with, every time something bad happens. So learn to slowly face the drama, as and when you can handle it. Never deny it as a copping strategy.</p><p></p><p>I was off the air for over two weeks (apart from a moment grabbed every other day) so I did not know your father had died. I'm sorry to hear about it, Steely. Be good to yourself, look after yourself in every way while you go through this. Other people's grief will trigger more in you, but let it happen and work its good while you can. You will begin to bury it all again too soon (we all do!), so use your chances now to heal.</p><p></p><p>Talk. Listen. Laugh even, where good memories come up. Laughing and crying now is accepted and acceptable. And never forget - this is your pain. Your father's pain is now over.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 417663, member: 1991"] I've skimmed responses. There's some good stuff there. I've been in similar places at times, but for different reasons, of course. Things to remember - 1) they don't call it nervous breakdown any more. I think the old term used to cover a wide range of different problems with different causes. But what you describe - been there done that. Without medications because I can't take them, and because I never told people the first time. 2) New grief raises old grief and especially old unresolved grief boils to the surface unpredictably and throws you badly off balance. Current unresolved grief adds to the mess and is like a raw wound gushing blood. You wonder how you can possibly survive - but you do. But the old grief, the stuff you thought was no longer an issue, is the great disturber. The new grief will have you wondering how you can have any tears left, but the old grief will rapidly morph into anger, then you feel guilty for being angry, especially over stuff that seems so trivial. But if you feel it, it is not as trivial as it seems. Do not let anyone including yourself) tell you it's trivial and to get over it. That is why you're having to deal with it again - because you listened to that crud the first time. 3) How I coped - sameness. I relied on patterns of behaviour, on not making choices I didn't need to make. i went to work, did a menial job, did not have to make decisions. Every day I ordered a sandwich for lunch. I could not choose what to have so I chose the Aussie simplest - a Vegemite sandwich on white bread. It would have been simple and easy to make my own each day, but there was a ritual in ordering it from the sandwich shop. My sandwich was delivered to my office at 12 noon each day. At 1 pm I went to the lunchroom on my own to eat it, or ate it at my desk. And when the shop's sandwich hand changed to someone who didn't know that Vegemite has to e spread thinly, and my sandwich was full or large salty black goopy blobs of Vegemite making it inedible, I still couldn't change. I still kept ordering Vegemite sandwiches for lunch. Then I had an argument with my boss. I can't remember why, I think I was starting to come out of my mouseness. But I couldn't stay at my desk or anywhere near him to eat my lunch so I began going for a walk to a park bench to eat. Then it was just a few steps further to buy something different - I was almost paralysed with fear the first time I had to change and make a decision. But it was what I had needed. A few months later I had enough gumption to change my job. But it had all been necessary for healing. 4) Whatever healing there is, is never permanent. But whatever progress you can make now, is pain that won't come back to haunt you next time. 5) Each time you go through this, you get better at healing yourself. It begins to come naturally. But the opposite is true - if your coping mechanism is denial, then each time you go through this, you get more skilled at denial and your pain will be even worse to begin with, every time something bad happens. So learn to slowly face the drama, as and when you can handle it. Never deny it as a copping strategy. I was off the air for over two weeks (apart from a moment grabbed every other day) so I did not know your father had died. I'm sorry to hear about it, Steely. Be good to yourself, look after yourself in every way while you go through this. Other people's grief will trigger more in you, but let it happen and work its good while you can. You will begin to bury it all again too soon (we all do!), so use your chances now to heal. Talk. Listen. Laugh even, where good memories come up. Laughing and crying now is accepted and acceptable. And never forget - this is your pain. Your father's pain is now over. Marg [/QUOTE]
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