Nervous going into shops

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by confusedmummy, Feb 22, 2009.

  1. confusedmummy

    confusedmummy New Member

    My DS (aged 3) is waiting to see a specialist about his quirky behaviour. I can already tell that he will be discharged with a 'few behaviour oddities' as his behaviour is not extreme enough to warrant a proper evaluation. Maybe I am wrong but I somehow doubt it talking to others in my area!!

    His main problem is his reaction to new places. If I am with him he will just 'act out' but if I have to leave him somewhere new then he freaks out big time. Anyway, today we went to Toys R Us, kids paradise you would think! We get in the door and after 2 minutes he says he wants to go home. He is lying on the floor or dropping onto his knees and if I can distract him with a toy he is OK until we move on. We left the shop and went next door to a sports shop and the same again. I can see that he is worried/concerned and we get this every time we go into a new shop. When he was smaller he would have full blown tantrums but thankfully these have stopped, they are replaced by this unease now. Yet he is OK in our usual familiar supermarket.

    Can you help explain to me why he is doing this? If its a sensory overload thing how can I help him? Or am I just dealing with a very bored little boy!! He develops tics easily, screwing up his eyes when blinking, saying I love you every 2 mins and whats the time every 2 mins. Its just lots of little mild behaviours really, hard to justify to someone who doesn't know him very well as its not full on in your face if you know what I mean.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    It can be sensory-related, anxiety, difficulty making transitions, or a combination of all three.

    Be sure and mention it to the diagnostician.
  3. confusedmummy

    confusedmummy New Member

    Anxiety is probably the most likely there as he quite an anxious kid, thanks, will definately add this to the list when I see the specialist.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Often what happens when there are sensory issues and/or transition problems is that it feeds into the overall anxiety pattern so it's really important to address all the issues. ie a child who has sensory issues has a bad experience going into a loud store, then the next time he's faced with going into a new store he's going to be anxious.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does he have any other odd behaviors? Does he make good eye contact with strangers? Does he play with toys in unusual ways like lining them out or taking them apart or just ignoring toys altogether? Is he very precocious in his speech and overly interested in letters and numbers? Can he transition well at home from one activity to another? Does he like cuddling and hugging? Does he memorize things by rote? Does he flap his arms or make repetitious vocal sounds or smack his lips? Anything else you notice?
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Regardless of what the cause is, what your little guy is telling you is that he's not at a point where he can handle this well. At his young age and while you're waiting to get a handle on what's up with him, the best thing to do is to make adaptations for him. Some kids seriously can't handle trips into stores. Some can handle it but only a few or even just one. Some will handle familiar stores but not new ones. Some kids will handle it better if they're handed something like a juice box the moment you walk through the door. When possible, make the accomadations for him now to keep him calm, then later when you've got a better grasp on his issues you'll know better how to approach it.

    Google PECS--it's a picture system used to help young children in situations such as making transitions.
  7. confusedmummy

    confusedmummy New Member

    I have posted a previous thread called "should I take my son to see my GP" and have listed on there all his little quirks but mainly:

    He plays ok with his toys, likes to post things alot and just little things that stand out to me but not to anyone else. Eye contact with strangers is very limited because he is too busy trying to hide behind my legs. Once the attention is off him though, he tends to come forward and say hello etc and then holds some conversation and eye contact. Says hello and goodbye to checkout ladies absolutely fine because the focus isn't so intense on him if that makes sense? Settles fine at playschool now but took over 6 weeks of me staying with him before I could leave him. People would describe him as just very shy/nervous with other people. Once he is familiar with the people/routine/surroundings he is usually ok.

    His speech is ok, maybe a little behind but certainly not further forward than it should be but didn't start talking 'til he was 2. I would say he caught up well but still struggles a bit with conversations both in understanding and in replying, but don't get me wrong, his vocab is good. Yes he does love looking at numbers and letters but not obsessively. He transitions ok at home from one thing to another unless its something he really really loves doing like playing on the easy child!! But generally he's not too bad. Doesn't really have any rituals but does get comfort from being told what we are doing tomorrow at bed time.

    He is very very cuddly, drives me potty actually. He has to sit on me or next to me at every opportunity. Tells me he loves me countless times a day, have had to start ignoring some of it as it has become quite a 'habit'. Also does it to my mother in law, has to sit with her, climb on her etc etc.

    He does copy alot of stuff off the TV by rote. For example he will/can quote the whole cillit bang advert or breakfast cereal adverts, numerous quotes that have been said by characters he has seen. If I ask him "who says that" he will tell me.

    A bit of arm flapping but only when really upset with his sister for taking something away! He does make alot of 'silly noises', a heck of alot actually, again drives me potty. A little boy at the park the other day asked my son how old he was. My son replied by squealing, spewing gibberish, blowing a raspberry and running off......hmmmm. Happily allows other kids to play alongside etc but rarely gets involved with them. Playschool say they have seen little interactions by him (eg saying to a little boy when going down the slide "hold my hand" and then asking them to hold his hand when it was his turn) but nothing major. If an adult gets him in a small group and asks them to take turns etc he will happily oblige. Seems to find it hard to act natural with other kids when on his own. He has a tendency to be rough with people, and despite constant correction still has a fascination to poke people in the faces or push people particularly from behind. He is hard to control in other peoples houses, either by just being very hyper or just wanting to go home and acting up.

    Some days I think to myself he's fine, just a little quirky so to speak and other days I find myself thinking theres something not quite right. Having read alot of posts on here my son's behaviour is mild so I wonder if maybe I am just over reacting. Oh I don't know, its so confusing. Hoping the doctor at the hospital will give me some insight but am not confident I have to say. I am just thankful that the tantrum phase seems to have passed now, I couldn't do that again! We can now reason with him, give him a choice and he will come round quite quickly.

    Am I over reacting or is there something going on?
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I believe in mommy insight, so, I would say you have reason to be concerned. With that said, I am in a similar boat with my youngest "Monster". I've even been as far as having him screened by an autism/developmental screener/nurse. She saw the "quirky behavior" and will watch him, (translation, I go back in 6 months). It is strange because my difficult child shows many autistic traits but he clearly has a sense of himself, shows pride in his accomplishments and has a sense of humor from a very young age. Monster doesn't line up toys or flap his hands, yet my mommy gut knows he is on the spectrum somewhere.

    If you are not sure of what direction to go in, you can get a good idea of what is going on from a developemental pediatrician, others would suggest a neuro psychological evaluation but he seems too young to me (I could be wrong). In my case, I've also been told to contact the autism society in my state for advice/ referral to a doctor experienced with mild autism or dxes that are on the edge. I think somebody even calls them shadow syndromes. I wish you alot of luck in working out your little puzzle, you aren't the only one.
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2009
  9. confusedmummy

    confusedmummy New Member

    Thanks for your lovely reply, its so reassuring to know I am not alone. We are awaiting a paediatrician appointment so will see how that goes and go from there. I wish you all the luck with your little ones, keep me posted how you get on and and I will reply when we get a date through. XX
  10. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I will, and I'll be watching your progress on the board as well.