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NEW and falling apart at the seams; need help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 44274" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather's recommended the right book there. Also, on medication - you can't medicate for ODD. Medication for a lot of conditions is a blunt instrument, it's not the easy fix we'd like it to be. There is always a lot of work left over that the family and the child have to put in.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're in so much stress - read the book as soon as you can, hopefully it should help a great deal. Get your husband to read it too, if you can. If you can't, talk to him about it, try to explain the logic in it and discuss it (not shout it, note!). Obviously, pick a time when you and he can sit and talk - make the time, if you can. Take yourselves out for a cup of coffee somewhere. But don't assume the marriage is over until you've read this, both of you (or at least familiarised yourself with what it's about) and also got some answers re difficult child.</p><p></p><p>This is not your fault. Neither of you. Chances are, it's not her fault either. But you do need some fast answers, for all of your sakes.</p><p></p><p>A lot of conditions and problems can look like ODD. You have to consider WHY the child is thinking this way; what other problems she is dealing with. Her bio-dad - whatever is his problem, the end result included drug use. It doesn't mean it's a cause, it could be a result. A kid like your difficult child, going through life unsupported and unrecognised, can easily find drugs a useful escape. But if the support and understanding are t here, this can be avoided. It's just a matter of finding out, which is what you are trying to do. In her father's day, there was a lot less understanding and a lot less support.</p><p></p><p>Two more bits of advice for you - before you fix your eyes too much on ODD, look at Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). I'm not saying that's the answer either, but it can show you just how an underlying disorder can lead to what you're seeing now. Go to <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">http://www.childbrain.com</a> and look for their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test. It's not officially diagnostic because that's just not ethical, but it can give you some thoughts and you can print out the result (including your responses) and run it past an expert for their opinion.</p><p></p><p>And the second bit of advice - if you think he will, get your husband to read the posts and threads here, maybe even post with you. he has his own frustrations and concerns over this and needs an outlet as well as reassurance. If you think he's open to the idea, ask him. My husband does this and it has made a big difference to our communication and understanding of each other. But you can't do this if you need to vent about him - the last thing he would respond favourably to, would be your complaints about him, no matter how valid.</p><p>My husband tracks me mostly from work. He uses the facility here to track every post of mine, to see what I'm worrying about, or thinking about.</p><p>Sometimes I'll post something that worries him or confuses him. He then comes to me to talk about it, to try to understand. This has been a good thing because sometimes I assume he has understood, when he hasn't. And occasionally he hijacks my ID and posts in my name, although he always identifies himself.</p><p>But I do think it also makes him feel less helpless.</p><p>He couldn't read "The Explosive Child" - just not his cup of tea. But he did talk it through with me, we often discuss the techniques and whether we're doing it right. It's taken him longer, but he does "get it" and has been able to explain it to mother in law, who often doesn't get it.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 44274, member: 1991"] Heather's recommended the right book there. Also, on medication - you can't medicate for ODD. Medication for a lot of conditions is a blunt instrument, it's not the easy fix we'd like it to be. There is always a lot of work left over that the family and the child have to put in. I'm sorry you're in so much stress - read the book as soon as you can, hopefully it should help a great deal. Get your husband to read it too, if you can. If you can't, talk to him about it, try to explain the logic in it and discuss it (not shout it, note!). Obviously, pick a time when you and he can sit and talk - make the time, if you can. Take yourselves out for a cup of coffee somewhere. But don't assume the marriage is over until you've read this, both of you (or at least familiarised yourself with what it's about) and also got some answers re difficult child. This is not your fault. Neither of you. Chances are, it's not her fault either. But you do need some fast answers, for all of your sakes. A lot of conditions and problems can look like ODD. You have to consider WHY the child is thinking this way; what other problems she is dealing with. Her bio-dad - whatever is his problem, the end result included drug use. It doesn't mean it's a cause, it could be a result. A kid like your difficult child, going through life unsupported and unrecognised, can easily find drugs a useful escape. But if the support and understanding are t here, this can be avoided. It's just a matter of finding out, which is what you are trying to do. In her father's day, there was a lot less understanding and a lot less support. Two more bits of advice for you - before you fix your eyes too much on ODD, look at Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). I'm not saying that's the answer either, but it can show you just how an underlying disorder can lead to what you're seeing now. Go to [url="http://www.childbrain.com"]http://www.childbrain.com[/url] and look for their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test. It's not officially diagnostic because that's just not ethical, but it can give you some thoughts and you can print out the result (including your responses) and run it past an expert for their opinion. And the second bit of advice - if you think he will, get your husband to read the posts and threads here, maybe even post with you. he has his own frustrations and concerns over this and needs an outlet as well as reassurance. If you think he's open to the idea, ask him. My husband does this and it has made a big difference to our communication and understanding of each other. But you can't do this if you need to vent about him - the last thing he would respond favourably to, would be your complaints about him, no matter how valid. My husband tracks me mostly from work. He uses the facility here to track every post of mine, to see what I'm worrying about, or thinking about. Sometimes I'll post something that worries him or confuses him. He then comes to me to talk about it, to try to understand. This has been a good thing because sometimes I assume he has understood, when he hasn't. And occasionally he hijacks my ID and posts in my name, although he always identifies himself. But I do think it also makes him feel less helpless. He couldn't read "The Explosive Child" - just not his cup of tea. But he did talk it through with me, we often discuss the techniques and whether we're doing it right. It's taken him longer, but he does "get it" and has been able to explain it to mother in law, who often doesn't get it. Welcome to the site. Marg [/QUOTE]
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