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<blockquote data-quote="HopeRemains" data-source="post: 514447" data-attributes="member: 14139"><p>DDD- Thank you for the support. I am more than a bit disconcerted to realize that mine is such a common situation among stepmothers. I know you were trying to put it delicately, but I know that husband is dropping the ball here, repeatedly. Most days I really resent it, but I do feel bad for him. He's a very sensitive kind of man, and the usual guilt is there for the way that L's Mom is. He has gotten much better over the years, however, we still have a very long way to go. He will be there every time for the therapy session. He's going to rearrange his work week for it. He is a great Dad is all other ways, patient, kind, very loving... He's just a pushover when it comes to L alot of times. L knows this and absolutely feeds off of it. I fear there will be a time when I have to just leave if husband fails to come to terms with what he needs to do. He has truely put me in the position of wicked stepmother. I don't like it, but he's been doing baby steps, and I am really hoping this new therapist (who has backround with children, ODD and teaching skills to parents) will be the beginning of a new era. I also think it is great that this new therapist is a MAN. Because it seems to me that my husband is lacking in his respect for women department (if his disregard for my opinions says anything) and L tends to try to charm women (probably learned from trying to gain his BM's love). *Fingers Crossed*!</p><p></p><p>Daisy... Hello. I know that timeouts are not working. I've tried rewards programs, stickers, marbles, etc. They work for a few days and then he decides they are not worth giving up the control that his tantrums give him. I like the idea of locking him OUT of his room. Right now, in response to him trashing his room yesterday, in a rage, he was made to clean it thouroughly and then I let him know that all toys are off limits to him today. That doesn't phase him unless the TV is off. If the TV is off he gets bored and comes looking for trouble, relentlessly hounding me- usually about food or when what is going to happen when. </p><p></p><p>I also know that I need to keep the boys apart, and I do try. It is very hard sometimes, because E doesn't understand why he can't be around his brother alone. And L, I'm sure, will catch on and resent his brother even more! He already gets upset when he sees me hugging E and playing with him, saying that I don't take care of him, only E. The truth is that L only wants to me to play with him when HE initiates it, which is hardly ever, and I've learned not to even try over the years, as he sees it as an opportunity to reject and hurt me when I have tried in the past. Do you have examples of an emergency plan?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HopeRemains, post: 514447, member: 14139"] DDD- Thank you for the support. I am more than a bit disconcerted to realize that mine is such a common situation among stepmothers. I know you were trying to put it delicately, but I know that husband is dropping the ball here, repeatedly. Most days I really resent it, but I do feel bad for him. He's a very sensitive kind of man, and the usual guilt is there for the way that L's Mom is. He has gotten much better over the years, however, we still have a very long way to go. He will be there every time for the therapy session. He's going to rearrange his work week for it. He is a great Dad is all other ways, patient, kind, very loving... He's just a pushover when it comes to L alot of times. L knows this and absolutely feeds off of it. I fear there will be a time when I have to just leave if husband fails to come to terms with what he needs to do. He has truely put me in the position of wicked stepmother. I don't like it, but he's been doing baby steps, and I am really hoping this new therapist (who has backround with children, ODD and teaching skills to parents) will be the beginning of a new era. I also think it is great that this new therapist is a MAN. Because it seems to me that my husband is lacking in his respect for women department (if his disregard for my opinions says anything) and L tends to try to charm women (probably learned from trying to gain his BM's love). *Fingers Crossed*! Daisy... Hello. I know that timeouts are not working. I've tried rewards programs, stickers, marbles, etc. They work for a few days and then he decides they are not worth giving up the control that his tantrums give him. I like the idea of locking him OUT of his room. Right now, in response to him trashing his room yesterday, in a rage, he was made to clean it thouroughly and then I let him know that all toys are off limits to him today. That doesn't phase him unless the TV is off. If the TV is off he gets bored and comes looking for trouble, relentlessly hounding me- usually about food or when what is going to happen when. I also know that I need to keep the boys apart, and I do try. It is very hard sometimes, because E doesn't understand why he can't be around his brother alone. And L, I'm sure, will catch on and resent his brother even more! He already gets upset when he sees me hugging E and playing with him, saying that I don't take care of him, only E. The truth is that L only wants to me to play with him when HE initiates it, which is hardly ever, and I've learned not to even try over the years, as he sees it as an opportunity to reject and hurt me when I have tried in the past. Do you have examples of an emergency plan? [/QUOTE]
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