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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 612345" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, Sheila. You have gotten great advice. It's time for you and your husband to get healthy and happy again. As you know by seeing, nobody can save another person, not even parents of a beloved adult child. You spent all your money and he is still an addict and his girlfriend is an addict (very bad for the baby she is also giving those drugs to). If it were me, I'd try to get legal custody of the baby. If you don't feel you can do that or if you know you won't get it and can't afford to fight or are just too worn out to fight, I'd let them use the system. I wouldn't give your son or his girlfriend another dime. There are many programs for families with young children. They can get on one of them without it costing you the rest of your retirement.</p><p></p><p>You have a right to enjoy your life, in spite of the choices your son makes. You can't do that if you are stressed and broke. Both you and husband have serious health issues. I am assuming you are near or approaching the senior age range, like most of us. You simply can not take the same stress, health-wise, that you took when you were younger. And you deserve great and many senior years where yoku put yourselves and the healthy people in your lives first. </p><p></p><p>Your son is over thirty. It is 100% up to him whether or not he will change. It's too bad he is hooked up with a drug addict. They can't be good for one another. But there is nothing you can do about it. The baby will likely be damaged in some way, although you may not see it at first. And your son will have to deal with that too. </p><p></p><p>I think going to a twelve step program or NAMI is a good place to hear stories of people dealing with the same issues you are and of what they are doing or have done. It is also comforting to many people to see face-to-face that they are not alone. If you don't like groups, then I hope you and your husband have a good therapist for YOU, not for your son. </p><p></p><p>Do not engage your son in conversation too often and if you feel yourself getting sucked back into his dark hole, hang up and do something you love. Make him stand on his own two feet, even if his knees wobble, or there is NO chance he will ever grow up. Not if Daddy and Mommy are there. Our mentally ill and drug using kids tend to stay very very young if we allow it. But we can't live forever, even if we'd like to help them all their lives.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. You are on the right track..the track we have all walked eventually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 612345, member: 1550"] Hi, Sheila. You have gotten great advice. It's time for you and your husband to get healthy and happy again. As you know by seeing, nobody can save another person, not even parents of a beloved adult child. You spent all your money and he is still an addict and his girlfriend is an addict (very bad for the baby she is also giving those drugs to). If it were me, I'd try to get legal custody of the baby. If you don't feel you can do that or if you know you won't get it and can't afford to fight or are just too worn out to fight, I'd let them use the system. I wouldn't give your son or his girlfriend another dime. There are many programs for families with young children. They can get on one of them without it costing you the rest of your retirement. You have a right to enjoy your life, in spite of the choices your son makes. You can't do that if you are stressed and broke. Both you and husband have serious health issues. I am assuming you are near or approaching the senior age range, like most of us. You simply can not take the same stress, health-wise, that you took when you were younger. And you deserve great and many senior years where yoku put yourselves and the healthy people in your lives first. Your son is over thirty. It is 100% up to him whether or not he will change. It's too bad he is hooked up with a drug addict. They can't be good for one another. But there is nothing you can do about it. The baby will likely be damaged in some way, although you may not see it at first. And your son will have to deal with that too. I think going to a twelve step program or NAMI is a good place to hear stories of people dealing with the same issues you are and of what they are doing or have done. It is also comforting to many people to see face-to-face that they are not alone. If you don't like groups, then I hope you and your husband have a good therapist for YOU, not for your son. Do not engage your son in conversation too often and if you feel yourself getting sucked back into his dark hole, hang up and do something you love. Make him stand on his own two feet, even if his knees wobble, or there is NO chance he will ever grow up. Not if Daddy and Mommy are there. Our mentally ill and drug using kids tend to stay very very young if we allow it. But we can't live forever, even if we'd like to help them all their lives. Keep posting. You are on the right track..the track we have all walked eventually. [/QUOTE]
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