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<blockquote data-quote="BackintheSaddle" data-source="post: 617758" data-attributes="member: 17503"><p>these kids are so similar! it's very striking...your spawn sounds like she talked to mine and they came up with the same things to say...there are clearly themes in all our stories and it's amazing how they all come up with the same stuff--- everything is someone else's fault...one of my "favorites" was that our son said that he almost flunked out of high school because it was too stressful to live with us and study...it had nothing to do with not opening a book ever! or hanging out with his girlfriend all the time...he has a long-term girlfriend and a job he's had for 1 year+ so every time I start feeling assured/confident in myself, I think of that and get sucked into his stories that it IS all me...but like yours, Jake has no long-term friends, he completely controls his girlfriend (i've heard him say horrible things to her and she'll flinch)...at his work, he's even told me that his manager asked him to do something and he said back to him "why don't you do it, you're not doing anything"-- just like him to say something like that...but it's a job that the best people are hard workers (which he is) and charming so they sell more (which he can be very charismatic!)...and now he's living with 2 of the most dysfunctional people on earth (my parents)...my husband believes they will put up with him just to be able to say that it IS all my fault...not that we're speaking now and likely never again...my struggle is figuring out whether and in what way to try and keep a connection with him...everyone's advice has helped me decide to stop paying for his insurance!-- I just have to get up my energy/resolve to tell him that since there'll be backlash (though at least now it won't be in person! so I have to worry he'll hurt me!)...he's a seriously mental ill kid and if he ever is in a place where he can/will get help, I want to be there for him...but until then, I realive I need to back off, not text him, he knows where to find me when he's ready for help (if)...</p><p> </p><p>I'm so sorry this happened to you, Tess...I can't imagine the level of betrayal to have been robbed, first of all, but then to realize it is likely your daughter that helped it to happen (if she didn't do it herself)...I'm sorry about the camera but glad in a way that your husband can now better relate to your feelings...me and my husband aren't on the same page yet but hoping to find that space soon...;-)...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BackintheSaddle, post: 617758, member: 17503"] these kids are so similar! it's very striking...your spawn sounds like she talked to mine and they came up with the same things to say...there are clearly themes in all our stories and it's amazing how they all come up with the same stuff--- everything is someone else's fault...one of my "favorites" was that our son said that he almost flunked out of high school because it was too stressful to live with us and study...it had nothing to do with not opening a book ever! or hanging out with his girlfriend all the time...he has a long-term girlfriend and a job he's had for 1 year+ so every time I start feeling assured/confident in myself, I think of that and get sucked into his stories that it IS all me...but like yours, Jake has no long-term friends, he completely controls his girlfriend (i've heard him say horrible things to her and she'll flinch)...at his work, he's even told me that his manager asked him to do something and he said back to him "why don't you do it, you're not doing anything"-- just like him to say something like that...but it's a job that the best people are hard workers (which he is) and charming so they sell more (which he can be very charismatic!)...and now he's living with 2 of the most dysfunctional people on earth (my parents)...my husband believes they will put up with him just to be able to say that it IS all my fault...not that we're speaking now and likely never again...my struggle is figuring out whether and in what way to try and keep a connection with him...everyone's advice has helped me decide to stop paying for his insurance!-- I just have to get up my energy/resolve to tell him that since there'll be backlash (though at least now it won't be in person! so I have to worry he'll hurt me!)...he's a seriously mental ill kid and if he ever is in a place where he can/will get help, I want to be there for him...but until then, I realive I need to back off, not text him, he knows where to find me when he's ready for help (if)... I'm so sorry this happened to you, Tess...I can't imagine the level of betrayal to have been robbed, first of all, but then to realize it is likely your daughter that helped it to happen (if she didn't do it herself)...I'm sorry about the camera but glad in a way that your husband can now better relate to your feelings...me and my husband aren't on the same page yet but hoping to find that space soon...;-)... [/QUOTE]
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