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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 617776" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>All of your words and examples help me a lot. </p><p></p><p>When my 24yo difficult child started the really bad descent about four years ago, we would all sit down for "talks". </p><p></p><p>He would say the reason he was doing all of the things he was doing (and we barely knew the tip of the iceberg) is that we had been so strict while he was in high school that he didn't have any fun at all so he was way behind on having fun and needed to catch up. </p><p></p><p>Plus the fact that we made him go to a middle school he didn't choose meant that he "got behind" in making friends and was still behind in high school. It was all our fault that he was doing the things he was doing. </p><p></p><p>Really? i mean, really? And to think....I actually spent a lot of time on all of that bs..."well maybe we WERE too hard on him....blah blah blah." Really? </p><p></p><p>Thank God for the progress I have made and today I know (usually) the bs when I hear it and have no guilt over anything. </p><p></p><p>We were good parents, very good parents, not perfect parents. Our biggest fault with him was indulging his little boy behavior for way way too long. </p><p>The addiction was in full bloom but we were still thinking he "needed more time," "was just immature," etc.</p><p></p><p>I am really ready to let him go, I mean really let him go. I am sick and tired. </p><p></p><p>On another thread here in the past few days about defining detachment I read a post that "detachment is a sort of death." First time I have been able to put words to what I have been feeling for the past three weeks. Like he is gone. I love him dearly but the person he was is gone, at least for today. The horrible stranger in his place is not someone I even want to know. </p><p></p><p>For the first time since this h#*^ began, my first thoughts are for how something having to do with him will affect ME. I am now as concerned for myself as I am him. </p><p></p><p>I think I get it. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 617776, member: 17542"] All of your words and examples help me a lot. When my 24yo difficult child started the really bad descent about four years ago, we would all sit down for "talks". He would say the reason he was doing all of the things he was doing (and we barely knew the tip of the iceberg) is that we had been so strict while he was in high school that he didn't have any fun at all so he was way behind on having fun and needed to catch up. Plus the fact that we made him go to a middle school he didn't choose meant that he "got behind" in making friends and was still behind in high school. It was all our fault that he was doing the things he was doing. Really? i mean, really? And to think....I actually spent a lot of time on all of that bs..."well maybe we WERE too hard on him....blah blah blah." Really? Thank God for the progress I have made and today I know (usually) the bs when I hear it and have no guilt over anything. We were good parents, very good parents, not perfect parents. Our biggest fault with him was indulging his little boy behavior for way way too long. The addiction was in full bloom but we were still thinking he "needed more time," "was just immature," etc. I am really ready to let him go, I mean really let him go. I am sick and tired. On another thread here in the past few days about defining detachment I read a post that "detachment is a sort of death." First time I have been able to put words to what I have been feeling for the past three weeks. Like he is gone. I love him dearly but the person he was is gone, at least for today. The horrible stranger in his place is not someone I even want to know. For the first time since this h#*^ began, my first thoughts are for how something having to do with him will affect ME. I am now as concerned for myself as I am him. I think I get it. Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders [/QUOTE]
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