New and Would Like To Talk To Others Like Me

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tlynn1970, Jun 5, 2008.

  1. tlynn1970

    tlynn1970 New Member


    I'm new to these forums, but found these through a search engine and thought that I'd probably fit right in. I'm a single mom of two 17 year olds (yep, twins) that are very defiant and extremely difficult to live with. We've been dealing with with anger/depression issues now for around 3 years and for the past year or so, have found out that they are also pot smokers. I realize that kids go through their phases are experimenting, but this has gone well beyond experimentation. This seems to be all they care about. Where are they going to get it next, when, etc. I've actually seen people drive by our house to sell and I have literally gotten in my vehicle and chased them away. We've been to numerous counselors, psychiatrists, etc., and have not been successful. We are now seeing another counselor who actually specializes in substance abuse, so I'm hopeful with that. Fortunately, this is court-ordered so I don't have to catch the flack from them about having to go. At this point, they are very angry and blame me for everything. I'm so concerned because they have absolutely no aspirations for anything. Their grades became so bad this year, that we were going to have add on another year of school, so we've opted for the GED program. That was the only thing I could do to avoid them dropping out completely.

    One of them has recently been diagnosed as bi-polar and is now taking seroquel. He's more mellow, but not willing to give up his habit.

    I have so many emotions inside of me: anger, frustration, sadness, fear (not of them, but for them). My life is a constant roller coaster of avoiding them, fighting with them, or just closing myself off. I have friends who are understanding as they can be, but I've learned that until you are the one that is actually dealing with this type of situation, you can't really know how the other person is feeling. Hence, I'm hoping that someone on here can relate and just offer some moral support. It's hard sometimes to talk to people who's kids are doing so well and not be a bit "green".

    Sorry for the long ramble! Thanks!
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Sorry you had to find us but welcome! Things around here are a bit slow on the weekends but you'll get some responses. This really is a great place because, as you said, people here GET IT.

    I don't really have any grand words of wisdom for you but just wanted to welcome you. As the home page says....this really is a soft place to land.

    **Just wanted to add, feel free to post over on the General area also. Teens and SA are good for the drug issues...but you can post at General also for everyday difficult child stuff. (difficult child = gift from God...the child or children that brought you here. You might also want to check out the FAQ page. It will help you figure out our own little language and abbreviations.) Also, you might want to make a signature like the one I have. It gives us info about you and your difficult child's and makes things a bit clearer when you post. Just go to the User CP section (up near the top of your screen) and you can do it there.
  3. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Sorry the kids brought you here.
    I am only here for a minute because I have to leave soon, but I wanted to take the time to welcome you and say glad you found it here.

    Everybody is so helpful and I hope you can find the support you need here.

    I'll be back later.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Welcome to our little corner of the cyber world. I am so sorry that your son's have chosen to take the path of most resistance. It is not easy to parent children who don't want to be parented. I have a 20 year old who has yet to break the hold that pot has on him. He, too, is diagnosis bi-polar but is unmedicated at this time because of his choices. While a lot of people from my generation think---"hey a little pot, not so bad, we all did it"---they don't understand that today's marijuana is not the same as it was. My son's life has been thrown off track because of his use. He doesn't see it and chooses to blame everything and everyone else. I feel your pain. A big hug and a shoulder to lean on.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome. Hate to break the news to you, but "pot" smoking usually means a lot more than pot. We thought our daughter only smoked pot too. Hahahahaha! We found out, only after she quit, that she was crushing and snorting ADHD stimulants, using coke and even tried heroin a few times. We got the whole war story AFTER she quit. Pot isn't sold by people driving by the house. It's not hard to get--people have it at parties. I suggest trying to get them into drug treatment. If they won't cooperate, well, eighteen can mean an escort out the door. That's what we had to do, and it worked. Welcome aboard :)
  6. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    Just wanted to join the others by welcoming you here. You are most definately not alone in this. I know exactly what you mean about the constant roller coaster of what our lives have become. I find it extremely difficult to talk to friends about my son for a multitude of reasons :) - but here you can gain insight, mull over decisions, and really connect with others that actually understand the world of difficult children. It is so very hard to watch our sons/daughters make these bad decisions, one after the next, without going a little crazy ourselves.

    Our son is also a pot enthusiast, has absolutely no ambitions other than getting high and being happy, and just can't understand what the big deal is. To him it's all about the here and now-he thinks planning for the future is a waste of time because he enjoys not knowing what's around the corner!

    Hang in there and post away.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Talk to the new counselor about inpatient treatment program. Can this be court-ordered? Once they reach a certain age, it will be near impossible for you to be involved with getting them the help they need because they will be adults who can walk out of voluntary treatments. Since counseling is now court ordered, maybe that can be a basis for in-patient?
  8. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes I know also. My son used pot to start with - he was ADHD and took Ritilin for his medication. When he stopped using Ritilin in high school he replaced it with pot because if made him feel so much better! Well he used pot and moved on to other substances - pills and alcohol - he is now in jail and his court date for contributing to the deliquency of a minor is Tuesday - he is 24 and this started when he was 16 - so my advice to you is take is seriously - they all say that it is nothing - everyone does it - maybe so but everyone is not the same and some people are addicts and they dont even know it until they try addictive substances and then they are hooked. You are smart to notice - this is just my opinion from my own personal experiences - our experiences have been going on for 8 years! Good Luck
  9. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Usually when it comes to drugs, what they are sharing with you is only the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully, the drug counselor will be able to get them to share what else they may be doing.

    I think it is great that the drug counselor is involved. I hope it helps them realize that if they are going to make it out there in this big bad world, then they have to straighten up their act.

    You need to get very tough with the twins. If they are driving take away their licenses till they are 18, then do nothing to help them get it. Don't give them one dime. Next time somebody swings by your house to sell drugs, don't bother chasing them away, get their license plate number and tell the cops what you saw.

    If nothing you or the counselor is doing is getting through to them, then show them the door. Keeping them there while they are drugging and unproductive wont ever help them reach their full potential.

    It is horrible parenting a kid like this when it seem as if the whole world has nice "normal" kids. Rest assured that is not the case. Thats where conductdisorders can be such a relief. We here have been through almost every parenting nightmare out there. So welcome aboard. I hope you find it helpful here.
  10. tlynn1970

    tlynn1970 New Member

    Hi again! Thank you all for your words of support! I'm looking forward to being a part of this community to hopefully offer a shoulder and sometimes use one!
  11. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hello, I am also sort of new, I used to post quite often a while back, it has been about a year now since I have been an active member of this web-site. I had to come back for support, my difficult child 17 yr old daughter has recently come home from her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it has been hell ever since. You are absolutely correct in saying the only people who truly understand what you are living with are the people who actually live it. And that would be me, along with everyone else on this web-site. You are not alone. I do know how hard it is to live in this situation, it must be so much harder for you since you are dealing with twins. I too am sick of the emotional roller coaster, going from one emotion to the next all day long is not easy. My difficult child gets high 2 or 3 times a day, like you I dont know how she does it, at this point we dont give her any money at all anymore, so it is very scary to wonder how she is getting this money. It is hard because our children are not going to be minors for much longer, so our options for help are limited. At this point they must want the help, forcing it upon them will only last until they turn 18. My family has been through the mental health maze for years, to no avail. My daughter has been in 3 rtcs and numerous day treatment programs, we are now approaching the end of our rope as she will be 18 in 8 months. What now? I wish I knew. She has multiple dxs the most recent and the most accurate is Borderline Personality Disorder, she has been on a number of medication combinations, still have not found that magic bullet. So I dont really know how to advise you as I am still looking for a solution myself after years of searching. Just wanted to say hi and keep on keepin on, you are among good company here, you will receive wonderful words of wisdom and lots of support. The people on this site are so full of knowledge and kind words, you will love it. Hang in there and God bless!!!
  12. galadriel

    galadriel Guest

    Hi I am relatively new here too and must say we are working off the same script!

    I have a husband who works 80 hrs a week, and falls exhausted into a chair when he is home, so it's like being single.

    I have 16 year old male identical twins, one has a couple of diagnoses, ADD and Bi-Polar, (that seemed to co-incide with the start of his marijuana use) The other boy smokes too but seems to handle it better. Weed makes my difficult child absolutely insane with rage, screaming obscenities, scary stuff. When he's rational I tell him he's like a mean drunk and can't handle it. Both boys went through substance abuse counseling with 4 of us as a family but somewhere along the line the counselor said "oh I forgot to advise you that this is voluntary". Guess what? That was the last meeting, as it also coincided with spring planting season (farmer husband). My kids only tested positive for the weed, so other drugs were not evident at that point.

    The one time they tried drinking, the interaction with difficult child's medication made him throw up, so it was like adversion therapy I guess, they haven't tried that again. I do watch my own medications like a hawk, I had a script for a muscle relaxer after pulling out my back and about 8 of those pills disappeared....

    difficult child managed to get himself expelled for one week for smoking dope on the school grounds but had a tutor and grades stayed good. So I don't have any Court or services backing me up here!

    My primary care doctor put me on Zoloft because when difficult child gets really bad I was just weeping inconsolably which wasn't helping him or the situation. difficult child knows he can get away with a lot with me because I hate the thought of calling the cops. (We did call the cops for the drinking incident because there were quite a few juveniles involved in a secret beer party along the local creek.)

    My kids also smoke cigarettes and they are constantly fighting about who has cigs, who took cigs, who shared cigs with friends and ended up short, where to get over 18 yr olds to buy cigs for them, it runs their lives. It's horrifying to me because what a waste of money and health. Plus it ends up being my money because they want to do extra chores for cash and I enable this because I need the help. :anxious:

    difficult child is quite personable when he wants to be and has managed to secure TWO summer jobs, one washing dishes at a restaurant and one as custodial student helper FT at his high school. He is going to be awash in money soon and I know his scuzzy stoner friends are going to get it all for drugs and pizza. :(

    Feel free to PM me, we are definitely in the same boat.