New--being pushed to the edge

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Cathyliz, Nov 11, 2008.

  1. Cathyliz

    Cathyliz aka Superwoman

    Hi, all. I'm new to this forum, but not to bipolar/adhd. My 15yo was diagnosis'ed adhd at 6 1/2 and bipolar at 10. He also has probable diagnosis's of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), odd and aspergers, but no official diagnosis of those (psychiatrist believes it's all part of the bipolar). My son had an appointment with his psychiatrist yesterday. I sat across the room from this man as he told me that it is probably unrealistic of me to think that my son (who was sitting next to me, but didn't really understand what was going on because he was a bit manic) will ever live independently or hold down a full time job. He thinks we need to start looking for a residential placement (out of state, there's nowhere in my state that would place him unless it's voluntary on ds's part because of his age) so he can start learning the skill to try and live independently. I almost asked him, so he's just supposed to learn basic skills, get a cheap or government subsidized apartment and live on social security the rest of his life? That's IF the SSI program is still there in 10 years! He talked about some of ds's behaviors being symptoms of aspergers, but still won't diagnose him! My son is incredibly bright. He has trouble controlling himself. He was in rare form at the doctor's office yesterday. He hasn't acted that way with this doctor in years. Funny, for the past 3 years this doctor has always just said, "Everything looks good" and sent us on our merry way at every visit (about every 6 weeks). Yesterday ds acts up and he suggests residential? To say I'm upset is an understatement. I'm downright depressed. I haven't been myself in a couple weeks now (lots of adjusting going on here!) and this may just push me over the edge. I still refuse to believe that my child can NOT have a productive life. There are people far worse off than he that have proven it can happen. I'm seriously considering changing my major to psychology or sociology. I'm just really at a loss, though. Hey, on the plus side, maybe I'll finally loose some of this weight that hasn't budged for the past 2 years. (yes, I'm the eternal optimist, even when I'm down) Ds just started a therapeutic day treatment center/school last week. So far he's doing great, but he's still in the honeymoon phase. It won't last much longer--it never does.

    husband and I also have a 13 yo who's probably add but doing very well right now (no medications). My mom just moved in with us last month from Michigan. husband is retired Air Force and I've been a family child care provider for the past 9 years. I started college this past summer to get my degree in early childhood education, but may change my major to psychology.


  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Cathyliz!

    Glad you found us. Since the doctor decided to base his residential suggestion on one visit...I would not worry too much about it. I am sure you can tell if your son is capable of living on his own in 5 years. If you feel he can not, I would take the psychiatrist up on all support he is offering.

    Is difficult child in a special school placement at all?
  3. Cathyliz

    Cathyliz aka Superwoman

    difficult child just started at a therapeutic day treatment center/school last week. He was at a local alternative school, but it wasn't working out. He wants to attend our local public high school. They said he needed to go here first and prove himself (his past behavior isn't very good). We've had a horrible time with public school. He really hasn't succeeded in public school since 2nd grade. So far at this school he's doing great, but he's also in the honeymoon phase that won't last much longer.

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would take him to a neuropsychologist. Aspergers has NOTHING to do with bipolar, and if he is throwing them together, I doubt you had a good assessment. Did he do any testing? NeuroPsychs do 6-10 hours of testing.
    I would schedule an appointment. with a neuropsychologist and go on from there.
  5. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member


    I just wanted to chime in an say, if you are thinking of switching majors to psychology .... unless you are planning on going Masters or PhD, either have psychology as your minor or double major with- something else!

    I just graduated in May with- my BA double majored in Criminal Justice and Psychology. I have several friends who only majored in Psychology (no minor) and they can't find a job with- just a BA in psychology. We had a not so bright advisor at the school who told these students that there were LOTS of jobs out there for them lol One of those dear friends is now the department manager for the shoe dept at Wally World.
  6. Cathyliz

    Cathyliz aka Superwoman

    Psychology/sociology will be my minor. I'll major either in ECE or ASL interpretation. :)

  7. Cathyliz

    Cathyliz aka Superwoman

    We've never had an formal testing or assessments. We saw a psychologist about 6 months ago because I wanted him tested and the psychologist wouldn't do it since difficult child wasn't cooperative. Well, of COURSE he's uncooperative! He's ADHD, Bipolar, and probably ODD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and AS as well! DUH! Our current psychiatrist diagnosis'ed him bipolar 4 years ago after meeting with us for about 40 minutes. I don't doubt difficult child is bipolar. I just wonder what else he is. I may try and take him to a different psychiatrist for a second opinion and maybe some testing (if anyone will do it!). I just hate starting all over again, Know what I mean??

    difficult child, 15, ADHD, bipolar, abilify, invega, allergy medications (singular, zyrtec)
    difficult child, 13, probably ADD, no medications
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Cathy and welcome!

    Like MWM, I highly recommend a neuropsychologist evaluation for your ds. (Not the neurologist or the psychologist, but the NeuroPsychologist). The intensive testing can help you to pin down exactly what's going on with your ds, which will let you put the right interventions in place for him.

    Like yours, my difficult child has a complex diagnosis (bipolar, Aspergers, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and a few other initials...). We've been the round of psychiatrists, tdocs, SWs, EAs and other specialists for years and years, and finally got a clear diagnosis within the last year.

    Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living doesn't necessarily doom your ds to a life of horrible apartments and SSI cheques. My difficult child's only true progress has been made since we put him in permanent Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living last year. It has made a world of difference for him, and for the first time I can see enough development in him that he has a chance at living a productive life.

    If your current psychiatrist won't diagnose, it may be time to go for that second opinion. If you're anywhere near a University hospital or teaching hospital, you might try them for a referral to a neuropsychologist.

    Glad you found us. This really is a soft place to land, a sanity saver and a safe place.