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General Parenting
New here- 7 y/o son with ADHD/ODD, tearing us apart.
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 498221" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Hi there and welcome! I kind of agree and kind of dont with the bargaining, discussions part.... If you mean they need a rule and to do it or else, well that has never worked for me or for many here. Most of us would say that typical parenting and typical counseling do not do much for our kids. Many of us use some form of problem solving and discussion with our difficult child's but not always. (well some do always but I am not one of them, my son has a variety of issues that have to be met by what works for his diagnoses and learning abilities and styles). </p><p></p><p>Do you have the book, The Explosive Child..by Ross Greene? It gives a new perspective on working with kids like ours who do not respond to typical parenting methods. I just got a really cheap copy on amazon.com and it comes in e-book form too. You can find it anywhere. Many of us like it...but not all. </p><p></p><p>You are right, it is HUGE to be on the same side...many of us who are single find that to be one of th efew benefits, lol.... no having to worry about what the other adult feels is right and if they disagree.</p><p></p><p>I suspect your hubby may even see the wisdom in the Explosive Child way of doing things because it does have some amount of discussion but it is very specific in nature....not giving in by any means. </p><p></p><p>You would probably like it because the whole point is to lessen overall stress in the home by identifying a basket b basket c basket behaviors and then saying how to approach those (a basket often safety rules/medications/etc) in a systematic way that does not overwhelm everyone. By putting some things off to the side and getting to them later, but handling the most pressing things first...... things calm down and those in the other baskets actually often lessen just for that very reason.</p><p></p><p>I would not have believed it but it worked for me and one school even made my son's behavior plan following this and it WORKED for a full year until a new staff just did not get it.</p><p></p><p>My second thought is, are you sure of his diagnosis? How did you come up with this and are you comfortable with it. If medications are not working great then could it be that the adhd and odd are really symptoms of something bigger??? </p><p></p><p>Many of us have this situation in our kids... they have clear adhd and odd symptoms (and yes we do get it...it is ROUGH so holding your hand here!) but after having a full neuropsychological evaluation other bigger issues have come to light. </p><p></p><p>If you have not done so, you may want to look into a neuropsychologist evaluation. They are long.... somtimes a full to two days. But they are well worth your time and effort. In addition, I always think esp. for ODD/ADHD kids it is really important to have a full occupational therapy evaluation in a private clinic that looks at motor and sensory issues. Of course, being an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) if there is any chance of your child having processing problems... auditory or language...I would have that checked out too. Many people think Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) services are only speech sounds but it is really to help with any communication disorder. </p><p></p><p>Since you say things are getting worse, I hope these ideas will offer you help and support. Once you really know for sure what you are working with you can see people who do therapy with kids with those issues. Counselors and behaviorists rarely really understand the world of difficult child's. They are trained to work with kids who are typical misbehaving or emotionally challenged kids... not kids who are truly wired differently. </p><p></p><p>I wont give you marriage advice...others here have walked those shoes.... I just can see your point. </p><p></p><p>It is exhausting and you are not alone..... (sorry for my typing... I have a really sore finger and am not going to go thru spell check...hope you dont mind, lol)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 498221, member: 12886"] Hi there and welcome! I kind of agree and kind of dont with the bargaining, discussions part.... If you mean they need a rule and to do it or else, well that has never worked for me or for many here. Most of us would say that typical parenting and typical counseling do not do much for our kids. Many of us use some form of problem solving and discussion with our difficult child's but not always. (well some do always but I am not one of them, my son has a variety of issues that have to be met by what works for his diagnoses and learning abilities and styles). Do you have the book, The Explosive Child..by Ross Greene? It gives a new perspective on working with kids like ours who do not respond to typical parenting methods. I just got a really cheap copy on amazon.com and it comes in e-book form too. You can find it anywhere. Many of us like it...but not all. You are right, it is HUGE to be on the same side...many of us who are single find that to be one of th efew benefits, lol.... no having to worry about what the other adult feels is right and if they disagree. I suspect your hubby may even see the wisdom in the Explosive Child way of doing things because it does have some amount of discussion but it is very specific in nature....not giving in by any means. You would probably like it because the whole point is to lessen overall stress in the home by identifying a basket b basket c basket behaviors and then saying how to approach those (a basket often safety rules/medications/etc) in a systematic way that does not overwhelm everyone. By putting some things off to the side and getting to them later, but handling the most pressing things first...... things calm down and those in the other baskets actually often lessen just for that very reason. I would not have believed it but it worked for me and one school even made my son's behavior plan following this and it WORKED for a full year until a new staff just did not get it. My second thought is, are you sure of his diagnosis? How did you come up with this and are you comfortable with it. If medications are not working great then could it be that the adhd and odd are really symptoms of something bigger??? Many of us have this situation in our kids... they have clear adhd and odd symptoms (and yes we do get it...it is ROUGH so holding your hand here!) but after having a full neuropsychological evaluation other bigger issues have come to light. If you have not done so, you may want to look into a neuropsychologist evaluation. They are long.... somtimes a full to two days. But they are well worth your time and effort. In addition, I always think esp. for ODD/ADHD kids it is really important to have a full occupational therapy evaluation in a private clinic that looks at motor and sensory issues. Of course, being an Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) if there is any chance of your child having processing problems... auditory or language...I would have that checked out too. Many people think Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) services are only speech sounds but it is really to help with any communication disorder. Since you say things are getting worse, I hope these ideas will offer you help and support. Once you really know for sure what you are working with you can see people who do therapy with kids with those issues. Counselors and behaviorists rarely really understand the world of difficult child's. They are trained to work with kids who are typical misbehaving or emotionally challenged kids... not kids who are truly wired differently. I wont give you marriage advice...others here have walked those shoes.... I just can see your point. It is exhausting and you are not alone..... (sorry for my typing... I have a really sore finger and am not going to go thru spell check...hope you dont mind, lol) [/QUOTE]
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New here- 7 y/o son with ADHD/ODD, tearing us apart.
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