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New here - 8yo son's anxiety exhausting
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 234623" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Often with our kids, we have to throw out the rule book. THings they SHOULD be able to do, often we have to accept that they can't do it without help. Anybody insisting otherwise needs to learn this or get left behind.</p><p></p><p>We had difficult child 1 enrolled in karate for a time, but despite seeming to take my concerns on board, the teacher turned out to not only ignore my advice/information, he seemed to think it was just a matter of discipline; therefore difficult child 1, instead of actually learning anything useful, would spend his entire karate lessons being punished for inattention by being made to do pushups or similar rote exercises. Added in to this was a culture of silence and secrecy, difficult child 1 was told that what happened at karate could never be told to anyone outside karate, especially not your mother. It was a Code. Finally another class member, an adult with a fragment of commonsense, told us to pull him out of karate. It took years before difficult child 1 would tell us what really went on.</p><p></p><p>The way your son will cause a mess when you're not around - is it your absence that sets this off, or is your constant vigilance necessary even when you're in the room?</p><p></p><p>A woman we knew whose son was profoundly autistic (although maybe not as much as she led us to believe) just let him do what he wanted when it came to making a mess. The boy had a model train set that he would set up on the dining table, he would then landscape it with whatever he could find in the kitchen - flour, dessicated coconut, sugar, salt - it all went to make mountains. She said she would often get up int he morning to find he'd been landscaping in the middle of the night again. In my observation she never tried to do anything with him, she just let him wander around and do what he wanted. Then when she was burnt out, she would try to dump him wherever she could for respite. While I sympathised, I felt she could have at least directed him a little more. The boy did find a better niche later on and, I believe, began to show a lot of improvement.</p><p></p><p>Yes, we need to adapt to our kids needs a lot when they're like this, but tat doesn't mean we just sit back and let the kid take over. We lead, but we BEGIN from where the child is first, then work from there. But you do need to work... important to remember this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 234623, member: 1991"] Often with our kids, we have to throw out the rule book. THings they SHOULD be able to do, often we have to accept that they can't do it without help. Anybody insisting otherwise needs to learn this or get left behind. We had difficult child 1 enrolled in karate for a time, but despite seeming to take my concerns on board, the teacher turned out to not only ignore my advice/information, he seemed to think it was just a matter of discipline; therefore difficult child 1, instead of actually learning anything useful, would spend his entire karate lessons being punished for inattention by being made to do pushups or similar rote exercises. Added in to this was a culture of silence and secrecy, difficult child 1 was told that what happened at karate could never be told to anyone outside karate, especially not your mother. It was a Code. Finally another class member, an adult with a fragment of commonsense, told us to pull him out of karate. It took years before difficult child 1 would tell us what really went on. The way your son will cause a mess when you're not around - is it your absence that sets this off, or is your constant vigilance necessary even when you're in the room? A woman we knew whose son was profoundly autistic (although maybe not as much as she led us to believe) just let him do what he wanted when it came to making a mess. The boy had a model train set that he would set up on the dining table, he would then landscape it with whatever he could find in the kitchen - flour, dessicated coconut, sugar, salt - it all went to make mountains. She said she would often get up int he morning to find he'd been landscaping in the middle of the night again. In my observation she never tried to do anything with him, she just let him wander around and do what he wanted. Then when she was burnt out, she would try to dump him wherever she could for respite. While I sympathised, I felt she could have at least directed him a little more. The boy did find a better niche later on and, I believe, began to show a lot of improvement. Yes, we need to adapt to our kids needs a lot when they're like this, but tat doesn't mean we just sit back and let the kid take over. We lead, but we BEGIN from where the child is first, then work from there. But you do need to work... important to remember this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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