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New here - 8yo son's anxiety exhausting
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<blockquote data-quote="YoyoMama" data-source="post: 234712" data-attributes="member: 6659"><p>Wow, what a warm welcome! Thanks so much! What a relief to find a group of people who can understand that these issues are not discipline issues. That judgement has been one of the biggest drains. Let me try to answer some of the questions.</p><p> </p><p>slsh - at night my son often lays his clothes out on the floor. He calls it, "making me." This way we avoid the opposition to clothes selection. (Although by age 4 I quit buying any article of clothing unless he selected it. And he STILL will protest and claim to HATE some shirt or pair of pants.)</p><p> </p><p>I absolutely have him clean up the messes even if that means leaving it there a week. There are two scenarios for getting things cleaned up: 1) I give him one step at a time, i.e. put dirty clothes in the hamper and come back, now put shoes in closet and come back etc. (he cannot get two steps like brush teeth and wash hands). 2) I am present in the room while he cleans up. This works very well but is not always practical especially when he is not going to sleep until after 10pm because I can get absolutely nothing else done. (He was 5 or 6 before I got to go to the bathroom by myself. He still prefers me to go to the bathroom with him - home or public.)</p><p> </p><p>Clearly must read Explosive Child.</p><p> </p><p>Marguerite - thanks. Just reading the line about throwing out the rule book makes my burden feel 10lbs. lighter. That is what is so valuable about being with other parents who understand. Thank you so much.</p><p> </p><p>My son will create a mess whether I am there or not. For instance, he loves Lego and received several sets for Christmas. One is downstairs in the main room because he would prefer to be with me rather than alone in his playroom (a very comfortable snuggly room). Problem - he gets it out and then leaves 100s of Lego on the floor right where we must walk. No punishment is enough fear. If I turn my back he will "dump". Our best times are when I am participating with him or present as he plays but no amount of presence is enough. THEN when I am present he is SO controllling. If we are watching TV he will check often to see if I am looking rather than doing ANYTHING else or if we are playing he will direct HOW I am to play. Whew. It is much easier to go see a movie or go to the park or .... So if I have to cook dinner or clean dishes or iron clothes - MESS!</p><p> </p><p>Sheila - the vyvanse definitely started the sleep problem. Before that he was on a ritalin derivative which did not affect his sleep. I have used the epson salt baths to help with the sleep as getting him to take one more supplement is yet another oppositional opportunity but I will keep that in mind. Fortunately the new school has lots more recess and play opportunities than the last and wonderfully one of the discipline actions to to require running laps when so many "pins" are pulled. That will certainly help this little one.</p><p> </p><p>Midwest Mom - whew - so many questions. Let me try a few. I, his mother and his late father have both been diagnosed with ADD. Early on my psychiatrist said that he was sure my son was ADHD (from observations at age 2). I prayed that he was wrong - not so. I realized a year and a half ago that my son also had problems with anxiety and discussed this with his psychiatrist. He prescribed an anti-anxiety, which at the time I used on Mondays. (It was summer - a new activity each week - very anxiety provoking on day one.) But my son is very, very, very resistant and oppositional to taking ANY kind of ANY thing whether it is oral or topical or whatever. For instance, right now his little nose and lips are raw from the dry air heat and lip-licking. We almost healed his bloody, crusty nose on Wed with a soothing nose spray but then he became resistant. He sometimes resists lipbalm even though he is in significant physical pain and clearly embarrassed by the way it looks. So the battle for the anti-anxiety medications was way too much. </p><p> </p><p>His psychiatric also prescribed Zoloft in Sept. I can't even remember why but I never filled it. The psychiatric reminded me of this prescription in Dec. I started to get it filled on Thursday when my son had a breakdown before going to his new school. We were outside the pharmacy when he said he felt better and was ready to go to school.</p><p> </p><p>In Dec. I was discussing his oppositional behavior with his psychiatric and said again that when my son was 4ish I thought he might be ODD and was told that diagnosis couldn't be made until age 7 or 8. His psychiatric laughed and said, "Oh he is oppositional alright" but he did not prescribe anything.</p><p> </p><p>My son is by nature very kind and compassionate. He has lots of friends and plays well with them though he is very sensitive. His biggest problem in school was talking too much and too loudly, his disorganization and forgetfulness. He makes friends easily and will talk to anyone and everyone. He can go into a room of strangers young and old and talk to them all and try to get them to talk to each other. If we go into a store or restaurant twice the staff remembers him. His personality is his strong suit. But his sensitivity can be a problem. He is very keenly aware when someone does not like him. In the sports programs, if he gets a coach who favours his son and his sons friends, my son is keenly aware that he is not favoured. His reaction to that is actually to be taciturn and keep it in for weeks and weeks. But in programs where the leaders are not "fathers" things work out well for him because he is so gregarious.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, I'm not sure what other diagnosis you have in mind, but I am well versed with mental health issues and am very comfortable with the diagnoses of ADHD and anxiety with oppositional behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>SRL - I think you are right about giving him the support he needs. I will start doing the karate paper. I gave it to him for several reasons including the fact that I am completely overloaded and overwhelmed. I have more on my plate than I can handle and doing his things is just more than I can do. That gets to the shoe tieing issue. He would much prefer that I tie his shoe but he finally learned how in Sept and now it is his job. He complains everytime and says he is not good at it but my reply is that the more he does it the better he will get.</p><p> </p><p>Your suggestions of distractions is a great one. I have used it at times but definitely could plan some ahead of time and use distractions more often. We don't have an IEP. I have heard the term but don't know exactly what it means. I did meet with the school system's psychologist before he started and he told me about options for him and then I met with his schools counselor on his first day and we discussed his ADHD and anxiety and talked about ways to handle it. His former school did not have a counselor or anyone outside of the teacher to discuss behavioral issues. They simply did not want to deal with any issues associated with ADHD or anything else. You fit their concept or you don't survive. We didn't survive.</p><p> </p><p>Wiped out - thanks for the encouragement. It really helps. Santa brought a Wii for X-mas and I think that was a great move. The only real problem in his play room are the draws and buckets full of Lego which get dumped out regularly and take enormous amount of supervision getting picked up. The biggest problem for me is that I need to be able to get things done and I need some down time and if I take time that is when the mess gets done and then i feel completely worn down and overwhelmed all over again. It is exhausting. Did I mention that he is very, very selective on the foods he will eat? I have decided to try to go casein free. It will be a very difficult experience in our household but I suspect a rewarding one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="YoyoMama, post: 234712, member: 6659"] Wow, what a warm welcome! Thanks so much! What a relief to find a group of people who can understand that these issues are not discipline issues. That judgement has been one of the biggest drains. Let me try to answer some of the questions. slsh - at night my son often lays his clothes out on the floor. He calls it, "making me." This way we avoid the opposition to clothes selection. (Although by age 4 I quit buying any article of clothing unless he selected it. And he STILL will protest and claim to HATE some shirt or pair of pants.) I absolutely have him clean up the messes even if that means leaving it there a week. There are two scenarios for getting things cleaned up: 1) I give him one step at a time, i.e. put dirty clothes in the hamper and come back, now put shoes in closet and come back etc. (he cannot get two steps like brush teeth and wash hands). 2) I am present in the room while he cleans up. This works very well but is not always practical especially when he is not going to sleep until after 10pm because I can get absolutely nothing else done. (He was 5 or 6 before I got to go to the bathroom by myself. He still prefers me to go to the bathroom with him - home or public.) Clearly must read Explosive Child. Marguerite - thanks. Just reading the line about throwing out the rule book makes my burden feel 10lbs. lighter. That is what is so valuable about being with other parents who understand. Thank you so much. My son will create a mess whether I am there or not. For instance, he loves Lego and received several sets for Christmas. One is downstairs in the main room because he would prefer to be with me rather than alone in his playroom (a very comfortable snuggly room). Problem - he gets it out and then leaves 100s of Lego on the floor right where we must walk. No punishment is enough fear. If I turn my back he will "dump". Our best times are when I am participating with him or present as he plays but no amount of presence is enough. THEN when I am present he is SO controllling. If we are watching TV he will check often to see if I am looking rather than doing ANYTHING else or if we are playing he will direct HOW I am to play. Whew. It is much easier to go see a movie or go to the park or .... So if I have to cook dinner or clean dishes or iron clothes - MESS! Sheila - the vyvanse definitely started the sleep problem. Before that he was on a ritalin derivative which did not affect his sleep. I have used the epson salt baths to help with the sleep as getting him to take one more supplement is yet another oppositional opportunity but I will keep that in mind. Fortunately the new school has lots more recess and play opportunities than the last and wonderfully one of the discipline actions to to require running laps when so many "pins" are pulled. That will certainly help this little one. Midwest Mom - whew - so many questions. Let me try a few. I, his mother and his late father have both been diagnosed with ADD. Early on my psychiatrist said that he was sure my son was ADHD (from observations at age 2). I prayed that he was wrong - not so. I realized a year and a half ago that my son also had problems with anxiety and discussed this with his psychiatrist. He prescribed an anti-anxiety, which at the time I used on Mondays. (It was summer - a new activity each week - very anxiety provoking on day one.) But my son is very, very, very resistant and oppositional to taking ANY kind of ANY thing whether it is oral or topical or whatever. For instance, right now his little nose and lips are raw from the dry air heat and lip-licking. We almost healed his bloody, crusty nose on Wed with a soothing nose spray but then he became resistant. He sometimes resists lipbalm even though he is in significant physical pain and clearly embarrassed by the way it looks. So the battle for the anti-anxiety medications was way too much. His psychiatric also prescribed Zoloft in Sept. I can't even remember why but I never filled it. The psychiatric reminded me of this prescription in Dec. I started to get it filled on Thursday when my son had a breakdown before going to his new school. We were outside the pharmacy when he said he felt better and was ready to go to school. In Dec. I was discussing his oppositional behavior with his psychiatric and said again that when my son was 4ish I thought he might be ODD and was told that diagnosis couldn't be made until age 7 or 8. His psychiatric laughed and said, "Oh he is oppositional alright" but he did not prescribe anything. My son is by nature very kind and compassionate. He has lots of friends and plays well with them though he is very sensitive. His biggest problem in school was talking too much and too loudly, his disorganization and forgetfulness. He makes friends easily and will talk to anyone and everyone. He can go into a room of strangers young and old and talk to them all and try to get them to talk to each other. If we go into a store or restaurant twice the staff remembers him. His personality is his strong suit. But his sensitivity can be a problem. He is very keenly aware when someone does not like him. In the sports programs, if he gets a coach who favours his son and his sons friends, my son is keenly aware that he is not favoured. His reaction to that is actually to be taciturn and keep it in for weeks and weeks. But in programs where the leaders are not "fathers" things work out well for him because he is so gregarious. Anyway, I'm not sure what other diagnosis you have in mind, but I am well versed with mental health issues and am very comfortable with the diagnoses of ADHD and anxiety with oppositional behaviors. SRL - I think you are right about giving him the support he needs. I will start doing the karate paper. I gave it to him for several reasons including the fact that I am completely overloaded and overwhelmed. I have more on my plate than I can handle and doing his things is just more than I can do. That gets to the shoe tieing issue. He would much prefer that I tie his shoe but he finally learned how in Sept and now it is his job. He complains everytime and says he is not good at it but my reply is that the more he does it the better he will get. Your suggestions of distractions is a great one. I have used it at times but definitely could plan some ahead of time and use distractions more often. We don't have an IEP. I have heard the term but don't know exactly what it means. I did meet with the school system's psychologist before he started and he told me about options for him and then I met with his schools counselor on his first day and we discussed his ADHD and anxiety and talked about ways to handle it. His former school did not have a counselor or anyone outside of the teacher to discuss behavioral issues. They simply did not want to deal with any issues associated with ADHD or anything else. You fit their concept or you don't survive. We didn't survive. Wiped out - thanks for the encouragement. It really helps. Santa brought a Wii for X-mas and I think that was a great move. The only real problem in his play room are the draws and buckets full of Lego which get dumped out regularly and take enormous amount of supervision getting picked up. The biggest problem for me is that I need to be able to get things done and I need some down time and if I take time that is when the mess gets done and then i feel completely worn down and overwhelmed all over again. It is exhausting. Did I mention that he is very, very selective on the foods he will eat? I have decided to try to go casein free. It will be a very difficult experience in our household but I suspect a rewarding one. [/QUOTE]
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