New here and Finally a group with same problems

[lynn123]

My name is Lynn and have 2 biological children and 2 children we took in. They are 5 and almost 3.

difficult child has rages out of no where and luckily the counsler has seen it and looking to get her diagnosed and put on risperol (sp). She will be fine talking and having fun then snap. Sometimes her eyes change other times they dont. She gets hyper, then acts out violently towards her little sister or her baby doll. It is horrible to watch. Then she tells us how she hates us and wants to leave. Then it becomes tears and a depressed state and telling us she sorry. A few times she threatened to kill herself (she is 5 what happens as she gets older if she is already talking like this

We cut out processed foods, sugars, red dye etc. It helps but others still give her the stuff . Sometimes it seems to be more then just that.

I am at a loss of what to do. Since we are not biological parents we have to go through various people to get testing and possibly on medications.

I could really use some coping skills because nothing seems to work. I take that back it works for a week then she regresses and sometimes it is worse then before

Thanks
Lynn

 

[busywend]

Was difficult child abused? What sort of household were they in? Are you fostering them or did you adopt?

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome. Read around other posts on this site, you will find a lot of generally useful information.

A book we often find helpful with this sort of behaviour, is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. If you check out the Early Childhood forum you should find some discussion of this book in the stickies at the top of the forum. The book's techniques and approaches also work well with other kids too. It is easy to make it individual, and also helps the kids feel supported and empowered, while still helping you feel you are making progress.

The food sensitivity issue is really difficult to manage, especially if you have to deal with other people slipping the child foods on the banned list. Until you can really be sure of having good control, it may be better to not try. The effort involved makes you seem to be the ogre (to the child) and if accidentally or otherwise, your efforts get undermined, then you are being an ogre with no chance of successful outcome.
I've been there too, having to be a dietary ogre for difficult child 3. It was so difficult to get it right all the time even when difficult child 3 was cooperative and we were both vigilant.

Welcome. Sorry you need us but glad we can be here for you.

Marg

 

[lynn123]

We were told she only witnessed the abuse (domestic and child). Some of her behaviors makes me think different but there is no record of it. They were neglected which is why they are delayed in school. They had no prenatal care and problems at birth and there were no well visits after the birth.

We are fostering them with the goal to adopt should the parents be unable to complete their caseplan.

Was difficult child abused? What sort of household were they in? Are you fostering them or did you adopt?

 

[BusynMember]

Were difficult child's exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero? That affects the developing brain and often causes types of brain damage (along with very intractable behavior problems that don't respond well to much of anything). It's not your fault and I was a foster parent once too. It's sad how little control they give you to get help for a child in your care.

 

[lynn123]

The reports we have says difficult child 2 had marijuna in her system at birth. Said birth mom possibly exposed other children to alchol and drugs in utero but not confirmed. difficult child 2 seems to become very hyper (which I can deal with that). difficult child 1 seems to get hyper with her but then after a while she snaps and the violent behaviors come out.

difficult child 1 we been told will be very hard to parent. Not sure how to get her to respond. I am going to go buy the book I have seen mentioned on here.

Were difficult child's exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero? That affects the developing brain and often causes types of brain damage (along with very intractable behavior problems that don't respond well to much of anything). It's not your fault and I was a foster parent once too. It's sad how little control they give you to get help for a child in your care.