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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 216875" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Hi and welcome. In some ways, your daughter sounds a lot like mine. Like you, I was constantly taking away privileges. All this really succeeded in doing was making her feel more of an outcast with her peers; having her feel that she had no chance to ever get out of the hole and, therefore, she may as well do as she likes since that's the only way she will get to do anything; worst of all, it killed her self-esteem. So, I would suggest that if at all possible, find a way to give her consequences that don't take everything away from her. It took me awhile but I did find that natural consequences were far more effective for her than grounding, etc. That is, you don't do your homework, you get to stay after school with a tutor until you're caught up; you refuse to do your chores, you stay in your room until you're ready to do them; you sneak out, you get an alarm on your door and window; etc. This way, the burden really was on her. If she chose to not do what was expected, she lost precious free time but she wasn't grounded and she was allowed to have a life. It really did make a difference.</p><p> </p><p>You do, however, have an added factor with the drug risk. I wouldn't be wondering. I'd be getting drug kits and having her do random tests. Also, if she's doing drugs, the odds are she's having sex as well. I would get her in to have her tested for STDs and do it on a monthly basis until you're sure she's clean and stayng clean. I'd also be sure someone gave her very graphic details of what can happen if she is sexually active.</p><p> </p><p>You've found a good group here. I hope we can give you some comfort and help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 216875, member: 3626"] Hi and welcome. In some ways, your daughter sounds a lot like mine. Like you, I was constantly taking away privileges. All this really succeeded in doing was making her feel more of an outcast with her peers; having her feel that she had no chance to ever get out of the hole and, therefore, she may as well do as she likes since that's the only way she will get to do anything; worst of all, it killed her self-esteem. So, I would suggest that if at all possible, find a way to give her consequences that don't take everything away from her. It took me awhile but I did find that natural consequences were far more effective for her than grounding, etc. That is, you don't do your homework, you get to stay after school with a tutor until you're caught up; you refuse to do your chores, you stay in your room until you're ready to do them; you sneak out, you get an alarm on your door and window; etc. This way, the burden really was on her. If she chose to not do what was expected, she lost precious free time but she wasn't grounded and she was allowed to have a life. It really did make a difference. You do, however, have an added factor with the drug risk. I wouldn't be wondering. I'd be getting drug kits and having her do random tests. Also, if she's doing drugs, the odds are she's having sex as well. I would get her in to have her tested for STDs and do it on a monthly basis until you're sure she's clean and stayng clean. I'd also be sure someone gave her very graphic details of what can happen if she is sexually active. You've found a good group here. I hope we can give you some comfort and help. [/QUOTE]
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