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General Parenting
new here, anybody out there like me?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 267642" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>There can be a delay in acting out. She had a long honeymoon period with you and now she's getting mad, and the target is the world. in my opinion though sending away a child who is dealing with being rejected by her mother is not a good plan. I think it will make her freak out and in the longrun things will be worse. She's awfully young for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC).</p><p></p><p>You can't compare kids either. SD obviously needs a lot of help and if the boy was sexually abused so does he, regardless of how he seems to be thriving. Those issues can go underground and emerge tenfold at a later date if you don't put a lid on it. Stepson can be perfect (afraid to tick you off so you won't reject him) then, as a teen, suddenly feel very angry and start using drugs. Please don't take his complacency to mean he has moved on. She is still his mother and she rejected him. And he was still sexually or physically or emotionally abused/neglected. You need to take them to somebody familiar with abuse because it's a very sensitive issue. We went through it here with my kids. A foster child abused them, but the issues didn't magically go away when we finally found out and sent him off. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>ODD is a very "iffy" diagnosis that usually means "we don't know." It doesn't address the cause of the behavior. I think you should get both kids evaluated for other disorders and get them a therapist who specializes in abuse issues. You can't expect these kids to have no issues. They are going to have issues for a long time to come and some kids act out more than others. </p><p></p><p>I don't know why husband didn't get custody sooner, but he didn't or couldn't...and the kids had a bad early life. They could even have attachment issues. </p><p></p><p>I hope you take them to a specialized counselor very soon. These issues MUST be address. in my opinion they are more important than the children's behaviors right now, although they should subside if they get the right kind of help. (Then, again, some abused kids don't get over it. Please don't wait).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 267642, member: 1550"] There can be a delay in acting out. She had a long honeymoon period with you and now she's getting mad, and the target is the world. in my opinion though sending away a child who is dealing with being rejected by her mother is not a good plan. I think it will make her freak out and in the longrun things will be worse. She's awfully young for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). You can't compare kids either. SD obviously needs a lot of help and if the boy was sexually abused so does he, regardless of how he seems to be thriving. Those issues can go underground and emerge tenfold at a later date if you don't put a lid on it. Stepson can be perfect (afraid to tick you off so you won't reject him) then, as a teen, suddenly feel very angry and start using drugs. Please don't take his complacency to mean he has moved on. She is still his mother and she rejected him. And he was still sexually or physically or emotionally abused/neglected. You need to take them to somebody familiar with abuse because it's a very sensitive issue. We went through it here with my kids. A foster child abused them, but the issues didn't magically go away when we finally found out and sent him off. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately. ODD is a very "iffy" diagnosis that usually means "we don't know." It doesn't address the cause of the behavior. I think you should get both kids evaluated for other disorders and get them a therapist who specializes in abuse issues. You can't expect these kids to have no issues. They are going to have issues for a long time to come and some kids act out more than others. I don't know why husband didn't get custody sooner, but he didn't or couldn't...and the kids had a bad early life. They could even have attachment issues. I hope you take them to a specialized counselor very soon. These issues MUST be address. in my opinion they are more important than the children's behaviors right now, although they should subside if they get the right kind of help. (Then, again, some abused kids don't get over it. Please don't wait). [/QUOTE]
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