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<blockquote data-quote="Calgon_Take_Me_Away" data-source="post: 178249" data-attributes="member: 5645"><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: darkorchid">The only family "support" circle we have is my husband's family ~ I'm guessing more often than not double faced telling me one thing and then talking amongst themselves totally different. My parents are in Oregon, grandma in Texas. When my difficult child was 2 yo, my grandpa told me, "something is not right with him". My family is supportive as much as they can be living so far away. After my parents moved to Oregon for career moves, we had no one where we were living ~ yeah we had a couple friends but they weren't the good friends you call to shoot the breeze with every day. So 2 yrs ago we moved to where husband is from (5 hrs from where we were living). His parents lived 10 miles away and his sister lived an hour away ~ close but not too close. Well sister got jealous that our kids were spending time with- Nana and ended up moving here .... about 5 blocks away in our small town of 250 people (sister in law told me this is why she moved ~ regardless that for the past 5 yrs our kids saw Nana & Papa once every couple months while her kids saw them at least every other weekend). Then Nana was displaced by a big ethanol company and moved into town about a mile away.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">I haven't worked in 5 yrs ~ I was working for a university and laid off on unemployment for 7 months until I decided to go back to school. I just graduated in May with my BA double majored in Criminal Justice & Psychology. What I would give to have a job to gain experience for a career and have double income. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">My difficult child was diagnosed right before I started school in Feb 2004. We started seeing a behavioral counselor and after 6 months that wasn't helping ~ we tried changing discipline styles and positive parenting. It was when he took a stick to easy child 2's head that I called and told the dr we needed intervention (easy child 2 was only 2 at the time). Adderall XR was the first medication of choice by the psychiatrist. A few months later Tenex was added.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">He lacks empathy completely ~ he doesn't care that you're upset, crying, puking your guts up .... but if you're puking, you better have his dinner on the table when he says so regardless (experienced that one in particular in March when easy child 2 & I had the flu). Rewards don't work ~ it has to be right here and right now or it's a lose lose situation. There's no middle ground.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">With Adderall we saw results fairly quickly ~ his first day of kindergarten he was able to tell me what songs he sang, the books read, what he ate for lunch .... all things that in previous months I'd get the "I don't know" or "I don't remember" reply. At school he was fairly good ~ we didn't have issues. He loved puzzles, Lego's, K'Nex & Magnetix. Heck, he was putting together 1000 piece puzzles at 5 <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smug.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smug:" title="smug :smug:" data-shortname=":smug:" /></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">First grade brought new things: exploding over trivial things like easy child 2 watching Teletubbies when difficult child got off the bus, the wind blowing would throw him into crying hysterically, certain food textures made him gag, taking lukewarm showers that would have sent me running for a heating blanket afterwards, nail biting was big ~ his nails and cuticles were always raw and bloody. Started Abilify in Oct 2005 hoping it would help with- the anxiety issues. Within a week of school ending in May, the nail biting stopped completely. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">This is when we moved.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Second grade started out good .... then we had bullying issues in which his glasses were broken twice in 9 days on the bus. It wasn't until middle of 2nd grade that teachers started seeing small signs. Oh and the ever so engaging rages in which he had to be fully restrained started in April (Good Friday to be exact). He had 8 rages from Good Friday to the first weekend in Sept .... the day after his last rage, he started Depakote. Rages went bye bye!</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Third grade brought him breaking his glasses himself, doing outrageous things on the bus because others told him to and then they would laugh at him for being weird, tell the principal and he'd get in trouble, punched a much older/bigger boy for pushing him, fighting with- easy child 1 while being egged on by their cousin (which got both of my kids suspended from the bus for a week). In May, he stole lighters from mother in law's house, hid them and then got them later, went to the school ballfield and tried lighting leaves on fire, earlier that day had taken a small swiss army knife to school (mother in law & father in law own their own company and give these knives out to clients) so he could "clean out his nails". He also enjoys being hit "in the nuts" and "butt digging" over clothes ~ he thinks it's hysterically funny.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Within the last week, he found matches in my purse and started a fire in his room on the floor with- toilet paper. If I recall the right day (we just found out about it this morning while helping the boys clean their room) he had been outside playing, came in saying he was bored, then ran up to his room to play with- Lego's. So after getting talked to about starting fires (again) he and easy child 2 were up in their room playing when easy child 2 comes running downstairs saying difficult child choked the cat with- rope. Well this talk ended up with- difficult child in a semi rage on husband that went on and on for a couple hours.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">So what brought me to ask the question of support was I stopped at sister in law's house to pick up easy child 1. sister in law's daughter asks something about taking him off all his medications and how all we've done is put him on all these medications and maybe he doesn't need them at all. SHE IS 10! Her comments immediately hit as the people she's around daily (sister in law & mother in law because sister in law works for her parents) talk about this and their thinking that my difficult child is a perfectly normal boy and how I'm just putting him on all these medications for no reason. I'm livid over this and husband isn't too happy either. He feels he's done very good around them about being politically correct (neice has a weight issue, mom complains about it but still stocks junk foods & sweet snacks in the cabinet and wonders why her daughter is having a problem with her weight). He knows he's going to have to address this issue with- his sister and mother sooner than later.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">I think by now if the dr's thought my difficult child was a normal boy, they wouldn't be prescribing such medications. He's been seeing the same psychotherapist for the past 1 1/2 yrs, we're on our 3rd psychiatrist, he's been tested and diagnosed at one of the leading clinics in Iowa. I don't see anything normal with his behaviors.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Disorders I've looked more closely at: Asperger's, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), bi-polar, CD, schizoaffective (at one time he reported hearing voices to the therapist), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (obsession over hurting someone and compulsion to do it). I am well aware it's a multifaceted diagnosis but most of the ones I've seriously considered as possible are generally co-occuring with- the ADHD from his original diagnosis.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Another possibility I keep thrashing about is as an infant, he had lots of ear infections. They started at 4 months ~ he was diagnosis'ed with- double ear infection and 1 1/2 days later admitted to a children's hospital with- pneumonia. The ear infections continued until he was 3 1/2 ~ 3 sets of tubes, over 65 rounds of antibiotics ..... at 3 1/2 he was diagnosis'ed with- allergies to cats, dogs, major & minor trees, major & minor grasses, dust, mold, major & minor weeds, cockroach poop. He started rx medications and has only had 6 ear infections in the past 5 yrs. During his first set of tubes, he was 7 months old ~ the dr took a sample of the pus and it came back strep pneumo. Strep pneumo is the main cause of meningitis. The dr admitted to me that it was also resistant to all the strains of antibiotics he'd been prescribing .... after telling me for 2 months that I was the reason for all his ear infections, I wasn't giving him all his antibiotics and I was getting water in his ears. I knew better. But I wonder if all the antibiotics or infection that close to the brain somehow affected him. He wasn't a needy baby ~ he slept well, ate well, cried little ~ even through all the ear infections.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">So a little more personal background: husband & I have been together since difficult child was 1 1/2 yrs. My D(readed)Ex hasn't been an integral part of the kids lives and has been nonexistant the past 3 yrs (he's dad to the older 2). Ex had issues growing up: hitting teachers, stepmom, being sent to live with- various family members because no one wanted to deal with him, barely graduating from high school. During our 7 yrs together, he was the jealous type, punch holes in the wall when angry, liked his money to be his money to spend however he wanted so I worked 2 jobs to pay the bills, emotionally abusive (once told me he worked so it wasn't his job to change a diaper .... this was a couple months before I left, we had just moved for a job transfer for him so I was staying home). A few days before I left, he threatened to rape me, commit suicide in front of the kids so I'd have to clean him up. His 2nd exwife left for similar reasons and he threatened suicide time after time and was put in 72 hr observation. Three months after I left and moved to Iowa where my parents were, I met my husband.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: #9932cc">So much for not just jumping in <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calgon_Take_Me_Away, post: 178249, member: 5645"] [SIZE=4][COLOR=darkorchid]The only family "support" circle we have is my husband's family ~ I'm guessing more often than not double faced telling me one thing and then talking amongst themselves totally different. My parents are in Oregon, grandma in Texas. When my difficult child was 2 yo, my grandpa told me, "something is not right with him". My family is supportive as much as they can be living so far away. After my parents moved to Oregon for career moves, we had no one where we were living ~ yeah we had a couple friends but they weren't the good friends you call to shoot the breeze with every day. So 2 yrs ago we moved to where husband is from (5 hrs from where we were living). His parents lived 10 miles away and his sister lived an hour away ~ close but not too close. Well sister got jealous that our kids were spending time with- Nana and ended up moving here .... about 5 blocks away in our small town of 250 people (sister in law told me this is why she moved ~ regardless that for the past 5 yrs our kids saw Nana & Papa once every couple months while her kids saw them at least every other weekend). Then Nana was displaced by a big ethanol company and moved into town about a mile away.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]I haven't worked in 5 yrs ~ I was working for a university and laid off on unemployment for 7 months until I decided to go back to school. I just graduated in May with my BA double majored in Criminal Justice & Psychology. What I would give to have a job to gain experience for a career and have double income. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]My difficult child was diagnosed right before I started school in Feb 2004. We started seeing a behavioral counselor and after 6 months that wasn't helping ~ we tried changing discipline styles and positive parenting. It was when he took a stick to easy child 2's head that I called and told the dr we needed intervention (easy child 2 was only 2 at the time). Adderall XR was the first medication of choice by the psychiatrist. A few months later Tenex was added.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]He lacks empathy completely ~ he doesn't care that you're upset, crying, puking your guts up .... but if you're puking, you better have his dinner on the table when he says so regardless (experienced that one in particular in March when easy child 2 & I had the flu). Rewards don't work ~ it has to be right here and right now or it's a lose lose situation. There's no middle ground.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]With Adderall we saw results fairly quickly ~ his first day of kindergarten he was able to tell me what songs he sang, the books read, what he ate for lunch .... all things that in previous months I'd get the "I don't know" or "I don't remember" reply. At school he was fairly good ~ we didn't have issues. He loved puzzles, Lego's, K'Nex & Magnetix. Heck, he was putting together 1000 piece puzzles at 5 :smart:[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]First grade brought new things: exploding over trivial things like easy child 2 watching Teletubbies when difficult child got off the bus, the wind blowing would throw him into crying hysterically, certain food textures made him gag, taking lukewarm showers that would have sent me running for a heating blanket afterwards, nail biting was big ~ his nails and cuticles were always raw and bloody. Started Abilify in Oct 2005 hoping it would help with- the anxiety issues. Within a week of school ending in May, the nail biting stopped completely. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]This is when we moved.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]Second grade started out good .... then we had bullying issues in which his glasses were broken twice in 9 days on the bus. It wasn't until middle of 2nd grade that teachers started seeing small signs. Oh and the ever so engaging rages in which he had to be fully restrained started in April (Good Friday to be exact). He had 8 rages from Good Friday to the first weekend in Sept .... the day after his last rage, he started Depakote. Rages went bye bye![/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]Third grade brought him breaking his glasses himself, doing outrageous things on the bus because others told him to and then they would laugh at him for being weird, tell the principal and he'd get in trouble, punched a much older/bigger boy for pushing him, fighting with- easy child 1 while being egged on by their cousin (which got both of my kids suspended from the bus for a week). In May, he stole lighters from mother in law's house, hid them and then got them later, went to the school ballfield and tried lighting leaves on fire, earlier that day had taken a small swiss army knife to school (mother in law & father in law own their own company and give these knives out to clients) so he could "clean out his nails". He also enjoys being hit "in the nuts" and "butt digging" over clothes ~ he thinks it's hysterically funny.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]Within the last week, he found matches in my purse and started a fire in his room on the floor with- toilet paper. If I recall the right day (we just found out about it this morning while helping the boys clean their room) he had been outside playing, came in saying he was bored, then ran up to his room to play with- Lego's. So after getting talked to about starting fires (again) he and easy child 2 were up in their room playing when easy child 2 comes running downstairs saying difficult child choked the cat with- rope. Well this talk ended up with- difficult child in a semi rage on husband that went on and on for a couple hours.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]So what brought me to ask the question of support was I stopped at sister in law's house to pick up easy child 1. sister in law's daughter asks something about taking him off all his medications and how all we've done is put him on all these medications and maybe he doesn't need them at all. SHE IS 10! Her comments immediately hit as the people she's around daily (sister in law & mother in law because sister in law works for her parents) talk about this and their thinking that my difficult child is a perfectly normal boy and how I'm just putting him on all these medications for no reason. I'm livid over this and husband isn't too happy either. He feels he's done very good around them about being politically correct (neice has a weight issue, mom complains about it but still stocks junk foods & sweet snacks in the cabinet and wonders why her daughter is having a problem with her weight). He knows he's going to have to address this issue with- his sister and mother sooner than later.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]I think by now if the dr's thought my difficult child was a normal boy, they wouldn't be prescribing such medications. He's been seeing the same psychotherapist for the past 1 1/2 yrs, we're on our 3rd psychiatrist, he's been tested and diagnosed at one of the leading clinics in Iowa. I don't see anything normal with his behaviors.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]Disorders I've looked more closely at: Asperger's, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), bi-polar, CD, schizoaffective (at one time he reported hearing voices to the therapist), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (obsession over hurting someone and compulsion to do it). I am well aware it's a multifaceted diagnosis but most of the ones I've seriously considered as possible are generally co-occuring with- the ADHD from his original diagnosis.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]Another possibility I keep thrashing about is as an infant, he had lots of ear infections. They started at 4 months ~ he was diagnosis'ed with- double ear infection and 1 1/2 days later admitted to a children's hospital with- pneumonia. The ear infections continued until he was 3 1/2 ~ 3 sets of tubes, over 65 rounds of antibiotics ..... at 3 1/2 he was diagnosis'ed with- allergies to cats, dogs, major & minor trees, major & minor grasses, dust, mold, major & minor weeds, cockroach poop. He started rx medications and has only had 6 ear infections in the past 5 yrs. During his first set of tubes, he was 7 months old ~ the dr took a sample of the pus and it came back strep pneumo. Strep pneumo is the main cause of meningitis. The dr admitted to me that it was also resistant to all the strains of antibiotics he'd been prescribing .... after telling me for 2 months that I was the reason for all his ear infections, I wasn't giving him all his antibiotics and I was getting water in his ears. I knew better. But I wonder if all the antibiotics or infection that close to the brain somehow affected him. He wasn't a needy baby ~ he slept well, ate well, cried little ~ even through all the ear infections.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]So a little more personal background: husband & I have been together since difficult child was 1 1/2 yrs. My D(readed)Ex hasn't been an integral part of the kids lives and has been nonexistant the past 3 yrs (he's dad to the older 2). Ex had issues growing up: hitting teachers, stepmom, being sent to live with- various family members because no one wanted to deal with him, barely graduating from high school. During our 7 yrs together, he was the jealous type, punch holes in the wall when angry, liked his money to be his money to spend however he wanted so I worked 2 jobs to pay the bills, emotionally abusive (once told me he worked so it wasn't his job to change a diaper .... this was a couple months before I left, we had just moved for a job transfer for him so I was staying home). A few days before I left, he threatened to rape me, commit suicide in front of the kids so I'd have to clean him up. His 2nd exwife left for similar reasons and he threatened suicide time after time and was put in 72 hr observation. Three months after I left and moved to Iowa where my parents were, I met my husband.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][/SIZE] [SIZE=4][COLOR=#9932cc]So much for not just jumping in :surprised1:[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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