New Here ~ Brain Overload

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Calgon_Take_Me_Away, Jul 26, 2008.

  1. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    Right now I'm on brain overload ~ I'm sure ramblings will come as I respond to posts and enlighten with mine.

    My difficult child (yes, I read the abbreviations before posting ;)) is almost 9 ~ officially diagnosis'ed ADHD, ODD & Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I question the diagnosis. He dabbles in a whole gamut of disorders, but nothing really clear cut. Most recently (starting in May) we've had fire starting .... one trying to start, one started and extinguised on his own.

    My question of the moment is: How do you deal with family members not agreeing or supporting your decisions in treatment?
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ah, the 6 million dollar question!

    If you mean brothers, sisters, cousins, then forget it. None of their beeswax.

    If you mean your husband, then you've got a problem. I would go to therapy with-husband.

    Which family members? Those directly involved?

    Were the fires in the house, as in, a wastepaper basket, or on the floor? Or in the garage? Just wondering.
    My difficult child lit a pencil on fire a few mo's ago, and lit several matches and dropped them on the floor. Luckily, I smelled it and we addressed it immediately. The psychiatrist said to get a pail of water, and between 500-1000 matches, and have difficult child light them all until he can't stand it any more. We haven't had any problems since. I'm hoping it was just a stage.

    How old is your difficult child?

    Can you write a bio/profile at the bottom of your notes so we can get some info? Thanks.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I didn't really share with family members because they didn't "get" it. in my opinion that's the least of your problems though.

    Are you interested in a more accurate diagnosis? Has your child ever seen a neuropsychologist? If you did, and you're still not satisfied, I'd see another one (I feel NeuroPsychs are best, BUT they can still miss things).
    Sounds like whoever threw out the alphabet soup diagnosis. isn't sure what's going on anymore than you are. That can be tough because often the child ends up on medications that not only don't help, but actually make things worse. Firesetting can be quite serious, but also can be caused by antidepressants or stimulants if it makes the child manicky.

    How was your child's early development: speech, eye contact, playing with peers, did he play appropriately with toys, did he potty on time, did he have sensitivites to light, sound, food? Is there any psychiatric or neurological problems on either side of the family tree? Any substance abuse?

    Welcome. You did an awesome job with those
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    When my difficult child was admitted to psychiatric hospital, I had to go home and tell husband. That was the hardest thing I ever had to tell him. He was NOT happy but only asked, "Did difficult child want to go into the hospital?" This was really hard for him to handle.

    Then I thought about extended family. How can I tell them? I was very fortunate in the support difficult child received from the extended family.

    Your child is yours. You get to be the parent meaning you get to make the choices. Your extended family do not know your child as you do. You are still the expert, even amongst your family, as to your child's well being. If the extended family is not accepting or supporting, then they do not need to be involved in the details. Don't talk to them about why you made a certain choice. Just, "I feel this is best for MY child." You do not have to discuss the health of your child with anyone, even your relatives, if they are not supportive of you as the decision maker, then it is none of their business.

    The fire starting can be a red flag. It can also be a "stage" but do not treat it as a "stage" because you do not know. You need to figure out why. Does your difficult child like to light matches or does your difficult child like to watch things burn or both? Regardless the reason though, difficult child needs to be discouraged in lighting matches.

    Sometimes setting boundaries and allowing difficult child to light matches within the boundaries and only with adult supervision can help:

    My difficult child likes to light matches. He put as many candles as he could find in the bathroom. He is allowed to light these candles when he takes a shower or bath and then blow them out before leaving the bathroom. I have not noticed any matches burned in the last few weeks but will stay on guard.

    Does your difficult child have a psychiatrist or therapist? That peson can address the fire starting issues.

    Welcome on board!
  5. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    The only family "support" circle we have is my husband's family ~ I'm guessing more often than not double faced telling me one thing and then talking amongst themselves totally different. My parents are in Oregon, grandma in Texas. When my difficult child was 2 yo, my grandpa told me, "something is not right with him". My family is supportive as much as they can be living so far away. After my parents moved to Oregon for career moves, we had no one where we were living ~ yeah we had a couple friends but they weren't the good friends you call to shoot the breeze with every day. So 2 yrs ago we moved to where husband is from (5 hrs from where we were living). His parents lived 10 miles away and his sister lived an hour away ~ close but not too close. Well sister got jealous that our kids were spending time with- Nana and ended up moving here .... about 5 blocks away in our small town of 250 people (sister in law told me this is why she moved ~ regardless that for the past 5 yrs our kids saw Nana & Papa once every couple months while her kids saw them at least every other weekend). Then Nana was displaced by a big ethanol company and moved into town about a mile away.

    I haven't worked in 5 yrs ~ I was working for a university and laid off on unemployment for 7 months until I decided to go back to school. I just graduated in May with my BA double majored in Criminal Justice & Psychology. What I would give to have a job to gain experience for a career and have double income.

    My difficult child was diagnosed right before I started school in Feb 2004. We started seeing a behavioral counselor and after 6 months that wasn't helping ~ we tried changing discipline styles and positive parenting. It was when he took a stick to easy child 2's head that I called and told the dr we needed intervention (easy child 2 was only 2 at the time). Adderall XR was the first medication of choice by the psychiatrist. A few months later Tenex was added.

    He lacks empathy completely ~ he doesn't care that you're upset, crying, puking your guts up .... but if you're puking, you better have his dinner on the table when he says so regardless (experienced that one in particular in March when easy child 2 & I had the flu). Rewards don't work ~ it has to be right here and right now or it's a lose lose situation. There's no middle ground.

    With Adderall we saw results fairly quickly ~ his first day of kindergarten he was able to tell me what songs he sang, the books read, what he ate for lunch .... all things that in previous months I'd get the "I don't know" or "I don't remember" reply. At school he was fairly good ~ we didn't have issues. He loved puzzles, Lego's, K'Nex & Magnetix. Heck, he was putting together 1000 piece puzzles at 5 :smug:

    First grade brought new things: exploding over trivial things like easy child 2 watching Teletubbies when difficult child got off the bus, the wind blowing would throw him into crying hysterically, certain food textures made him gag, taking lukewarm showers that would have sent me running for a heating blanket afterwards, nail biting was big ~ his nails and cuticles were always raw and bloody. Started Abilify in Oct 2005 hoping it would help with- the anxiety issues. Within a week of school ending in May, the nail biting stopped completely.

    This is when we moved.

    Second grade started out good .... then we had bullying issues in which his glasses were broken twice in 9 days on the bus. It wasn't until middle of 2nd grade that teachers started seeing small signs. Oh and the ever so engaging rages in which he had to be fully restrained started in April (Good Friday to be exact). He had 8 rages from Good Friday to the first weekend in Sept .... the day after his last rage, he started Depakote. Rages went bye bye!

    Third grade brought him breaking his glasses himself, doing outrageous things on the bus because others told him to and then they would laugh at him for being weird, tell the principal and he'd get in trouble, punched a much older/bigger boy for pushing him, fighting with- easy child 1 while being egged on by their cousin (which got both of my kids suspended from the bus for a week). In May, he stole lighters from mother in law's house, hid them and then got them later, went to the school ballfield and tried lighting leaves on fire, earlier that day had taken a small swiss army knife to school (mother in law & father in law own their own company and give these knives out to clients) so he could "clean out his nails". He also enjoys being hit "in the nuts" and "butt digging" over clothes ~ he thinks it's hysterically funny.

    Within the last week, he found matches in my purse and started a fire in his room on the floor with- toilet paper. If I recall the right day (we just found out about it this morning while helping the boys clean their room) he had been outside playing, came in saying he was bored, then ran up to his room to play with- Lego's. So after getting talked to about starting fires (again) he and easy child 2 were up in their room playing when easy child 2 comes running downstairs saying difficult child choked the cat with- rope. Well this talk ended up with- difficult child in a semi rage on husband that went on and on for a couple hours.

    So what brought me to ask the question of support was I stopped at sister in law's house to pick up easy child 1. sister in law's daughter asks something about taking him off all his medications and how all we've done is put him on all these medications and maybe he doesn't need them at all. SHE IS 10! Her comments immediately hit as the people she's around daily (sister in law & mother in law because sister in law works for her parents) talk about this and their thinking that my difficult child is a perfectly normal boy and how I'm just putting him on all these medications for no reason. I'm livid over this and husband isn't too happy either. He feels he's done very good around them about being politically correct (neice has a weight issue, mom complains about it but still stocks junk foods & sweet snacks in the cabinet and wonders why her daughter is having a problem with her weight). He knows he's going to have to address this issue with- his sister and mother sooner than later.

    I think by now if the dr's thought my difficult child was a normal boy, they wouldn't be prescribing such medications. He's been seeing the same psychotherapist for the past 1 1/2 yrs, we're on our 3rd psychiatrist, he's been tested and diagnosed at one of the leading clinics in Iowa. I don't see anything normal with his behaviors.

    Disorders I've looked more closely at: Asperger's, Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), bi-polar, CD, schizoaffective (at one time he reported hearing voices to the therapist), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (obsession over hurting someone and compulsion to do it). I am well aware it's a multifaceted diagnosis but most of the ones I've seriously considered as possible are generally co-occuring with- the ADHD from his original diagnosis.

    Another possibility I keep thrashing about is as an infant, he had lots of ear infections. They started at 4 months ~ he was diagnosis'ed with- double ear infection and 1 1/2 days later admitted to a children's hospital with- pneumonia. The ear infections continued until he was 3 1/2 ~ 3 sets of tubes, over 65 rounds of antibiotics ..... at 3 1/2 he was diagnosis'ed with- allergies to cats, dogs, major & minor trees, major & minor grasses, dust, mold, major & minor weeds, cockroach poop. He started rx medications and has only had 6 ear infections in the past 5 yrs. During his first set of tubes, he was 7 months old ~ the dr took a sample of the pus and it came back strep pneumo. Strep pneumo is the main cause of meningitis. The dr admitted to me that it was also resistant to all the strains of antibiotics he'd been prescribing .... after telling me for 2 months that I was the reason for all his ear infections, I wasn't giving him all his antibiotics and I was getting water in his ears. I knew better. But I wonder if all the antibiotics or infection that close to the brain somehow affected him. He wasn't a needy baby ~ he slept well, ate well, cried little ~ even through all the ear infections.

    So a little more personal background: husband & I have been together since difficult child was 1 1/2 yrs. My D(readed)Ex hasn't been an integral part of the kids lives and has been nonexistant the past 3 yrs (he's dad to the older 2). Ex had issues growing up: hitting teachers, stepmom, being sent to live with- various family members because no one wanted to deal with him, barely graduating from high school. During our 7 yrs together, he was the jealous type, punch holes in the wall when angry, liked his money to be his money to spend however he wanted so I worked 2 jobs to pay the bills, emotionally abusive (once told me he worked so it wasn't his job to change a diaper .... this was a couple months before I left, we had just moved for a job transfer for him so I was staying home). A few days before I left, he threatened to rape me, commit suicide in front of the kids so I'd have to clean him up. His 2nd exwife left for similar reasons and he threatened suicide time after time and was put in 72 hr observation. Three months after I left and moved to Iowa where my parents were, I met my husband.

    So much for not just jumping in :surprise:
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Wow. Well, you have issues on the family tree and he seems to have always been atypical.
    I would still take him to a neuropsychologist. They test for hours and hours and evaluate in a totally different way. They are more thorough and very often find what others miss. It sounds like his professionals so far are simply listening to you, guessing, and giving him a medication. Again, I'd see a neuropsychologist. They evaluate in a way that can get them much closer to the true core problem. That's how we finally got the real answer for our son. It doesn't sound like anyone has really helped him so far. NeuroPsychs can be found at children's and university hospitals. They often have long waiting lists, but that is because they are good (of course there are lemons in every profession, but in general they are better at diagnosing than the others).
    Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Welcome! It sounds like you have had your hands full! I doubt this had anything to do with ear infections, though. I would say there is a lot more going on than ADHD.

    Regarding the firesetting- my son almost set himself on fire 2 years ago- he says it wasn't purposeful but it didn't look that way to me. Then, he set a brush fire last year by dropping lit matches around himself while standing in a wooded area full of dried leaves. He was charged and is still in legal trouble (he's done a couple of other illegal things too, but they haven't been as dangerous as that) Anyway, I make sure that he has no access to lighters or matches now. Yes, he can still get them from someone at school or in the neighborhood at times, but he won't get them at home- even if I have to sleep with my only one (I smoke cigarretes outside of the house). I would recommend that you do this, too.

    Not only will it decrease his opportunity to set fires, but if he ends up setting one that results in involvement by fire dept and police, chances are they are going to make issue if he got the matches or lighter at home. I was asked about it several times- my son did not get the matches at home, thank goodness, but the way all those people were acting, you would have thought we were talking about a gun in the house instead of matches or a lighter.

    So, I would do a thorough check and make sure you get them all out of his access- tell any and all family members to please keep theirs away from him, too. You could just tell them that he's become very curious about fire setting and given his age, you want to make sure he doesn't have the opportunity. I would not try the "light matches until you hate them" approach with this boy. Something tells me it might not work with him- it wouldn't have worked with mine, I'm sure.

    As far as what to tell the rest of the family about diagnosis and medications, etc. It sounds like they might be the type to disagree no matter what. So, try not to buy into thinking that if you tell them more information maybe they will understand. As others have suggested, I think you just need to keep making decisions as you see fit and try not to worry about them not "getting it". Many of us here have had similar problems and hurt feelings over extended family and their opinions. I can only offer {{HUGS}} for that!!
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just read MM's post. (she snuck it in!!) The psychiatric's who give them might approach this differently, but the one who did my son't said she did not diagnosis psychiatric disorders. She did all the tests as MM mentions, and she gave an opinion, but the results were also given to the psychiatrist (psychiatrist). In my sosn' case, the results were most helpful in the areas of ruling out a learning disability, understanding what is going on with him at school (memory issues, etc), and helping the psychiatrist diagnosis him. Of course, we did not know for sure that it was psychiatric (mood disorder) and nothing else without the tests being done.

    I just wanted to point that out so you would have another vote for the neuropsychologist tests, but also, understand that they might not have all the answers in that report- it might be good for a psychiatrist to review them, too. Also, if your son is not on an IEP at school, the test results are usually helpful in getting IEP approval- it might be a good idea for you to pursue this, in my humble opinion.
  9. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    We've been to the university three times ~ the first time in Oct 2005 for initial 8 hrs of testing, Oct 2006 for re-evaluation and Feb 2007 for follow up. I don't believe he's ever seen a Neuro psychiatric.

    I liked our first psychiatrist before we moved. After moving, the new psychiatric questioned difficult child's diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and wanted to wean the Abilify. His words to me were, "If it doesn't work then you will have proved to me". It didn't work.

    I feel they aren't "seeing" him because 1) he holds himself together around "the professionals" and only when he's comfortable will the barrier come down and he shows himself; 2) he's been medicated everytime ~ once I asked if we could wean for testing and was told they don't recommend it.

    I feel this is why school hasn't seen issues until this past year because he wasn't comfortable, but now he is so he shows it. The therapist sees difficult child because he's broke the barrier.

    Something I forgot to mention (lots of information to post) in the previous post is his social awkwardness. He doesn't comprehend socially, someone tells a joke and generally he never gets it, other kids tell him to do things that are off the wall and then laugh at him when he does it .... he says they're his friends (on the bus, they told him to hump the seat, so he did, they laughed, then told the principal what he did). We've seen him play well with- others, but generally it turns agressive and physical.

    His teacher picked up on things this year that we wouldn't have seen: in class he can answer questions over a subject, but when it came time to put the same information on a worksheet he struggled ~ she said it was like he had no clue what they had just talked about. Oral testing is much better than written ~ he struggles with- reading the questions and answering them; but if read to him, he can answer.
  10. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    He doesn't have an actual IEP. There were things recommended from the university that the school has provided: a desk away from the other kids when he feels he needs a break, his regular desk is towards the front of the class to keep attention in front of him, straws to chew on, balls to squeeze. The past 2 yrs he's received Title 1 reading.

    I ask the teachers to stay in communication with me on a weekly basis through email because I don't always get the notes. If there is a note they need to send home, it's been given to easy child 1 to bring home.

    How do you find neuropsychologist's?
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    All that testing at the university should have been done by a neuropsychologist. Do you still have copies of those reports? It should list a psychologist as the administrator- hopefully (a PhD). The reports should list the tests given and results and summaraize opinions and recommendations. I'm not an expert on this, but I don't know of any other type of testing they could have given that would have taken that long- unless this was done by a neuroligist and they were doing EEG's and testing along those lines. Anyway, I would start with reviewing exactly what was tested before, who conducted the tests, and what the results are. Any current psychiatrist and other profs need to have copies of those reports. Then, if they weren't neuropsychologist tests that were done, you could contact whomever you dealt with at the hospital and ask for a psychologist who does them, then make an appointment. It usually takes mos to get the appointment, but it is worth it. Again, I think there is a good chance that this is what was done already.

    Now, regarding school- it is great that they are accommodating your'r difficult child's needs. But, he needs an IEP. Without it, there is NO legal standing or protection for his rights to receive these accommodations- he will probably need this more as he gets older. It protects him should they ever decide they are tired of fooling with any extra accommodations needed or if he gets in trouble at school (with certain criteria, of course). Without one, he (and you) are at their mercy. Many school districts take an approach that leaves us parents without any defense- I know we all want to trust the school authorities, but some of us here have ended up regretting giving them "blind trust". They can lead us to believe that an IEP isn't necessary because they are already providing all they can without one- this is a tactic to make sure we don't pursue one. I urge you to start the IEP process right away. There is some great advice and steps already outlined in the Special Education portion of this board.
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am going to address the family support issue.

    It sounds that sister in law is jealous of you and your kids. Moving so kids can spend more time with grandparents is great but to do so as a "competition" to spend more time with grandparents than cousins do is trouble.

    I would guess that sister in law is jealous of any attention mother in law gives to difficult child. If mother in law states, "difficult child is on medication ....." sister in law is being childish and saying, "Oh, that is just to get attention. He doesn't need it." thus opening up a discussion.

    Whatever mother in law and sister in law are talking about, they sure are not taking care to know which little ears are overhearing. sister in law's 10 year old daughter has no business hearing any of this! She will use it to make her cousin's life miserable.

    Time to stop telling mother in law and sister in law anything. It is proving to be bad for difficult child when they have information. If you feel you have to explain, tell them, "difficult child's medical issues are private. It is very important that the other kids know nothing about these things. Since you are discussing difficult child in front of the other kids, you do not get to know new information." Otherwise, just stop giving them info. Always say, "difficult child is doing fine"

    There are many details about my difficult child's struggles that I do not go into with extended family because I feel they will be judgemental. I have had a hard time accepting his medical issues, I don't need my family to 2nd guess me.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    A good neuropsychologist (who is a Psychologist with extra training in the brain) diagnoses everything and is often much better at it than psychiatrists. With your child's issues, I'd also want him appraised for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) issues, learning disabilities, etc. NeuroPsychs do excel at this, but can also spot ADHD and bipolar etc.
    Neurologists are the ones that don't diagnose psychiatric problems and often don't know much about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) either (as odd as that sounds). They are looking for abnormal brainwaves and concrete stuff.
    My son was tested for ten hours by the neuropsychologist. He nailed whate everyone else missed and is now doing great. He is also off medications. None of the medications really did squat. He is better off of them, but needed intensive school interventions. He was also a "strange" learner. He could orally answer, but not write it down. He also did not understand "astracts." He had concrete thinking. His social skills had to be text book taught.
    I never dreamed he'd do this well, and I do have to owe this to the neuropsychologist as his Psychiatrist told us "He can't be on the autism spectrum. if he was, he wouldn't be able to go from one room to the next without raging." Um, as highly educated as this Psychiatrist was (and he also came highly recommended) he knew NOTHING about high functioning autism. For all you know, your son's trouble may come because he has Aspergers--he has some red flags for that, especially his learning differences. in my opinion a long list of diagnosis. means "I don't know for sure." And a long list of medications means "I don't know, but I'll try this and that." I may be wrong, but that's how it has been for me and my son. I myself have a long history of being in the mental health care system as a patient and can't tell you how often I've been misdiagnosed and had medications thrown at me that mostly didn't help. Back to my precious son. Thank God we got another opinion. It changed my son's life for the better.
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Just chiming in.
    Haven't had time to read all of the previous posts in detail so this might have already been mentioned, but from what I've read of your difficult child's behaviour, sensory issues (food textures, temperature issues, sensitivity to wind, etc.) and the other things you've mentioned, it might be that he's on the autism spectrum somewhere.

    I agree with MWM that a neuropsychologist evaluation is the best way to determine this.

    As for family members, they will either be understanding and supportive or they won't, but your primary focus needs to be your children, and you can let their words just blow in the wind. If they are motivated by jealousy then by not reacting and letting their words just blow away in the wind, they may stop trying to score points off you.

    Sorry...I know this is a bit disjointed, but I'm just taking a moment to post before getting back to the kidwink olympics (Little easy child is a ball of energy today and I'm having trouble keeping up with him)

  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Bless Grandpa.

    A pox on the ear infection MD.

    I agree with-the Autism spectrum (aka Asperger's) idea.

    And I agree that the less you tell your inlaws, the better.

    You have come to the right place. I'm glad you found us. Boy, do your son's issues sound familiar!

    You've gotten some great advice and ideas from members here who have been there done that.
  16. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    Thank you for the welcome and info. At times I feel so out of it in that I feel my child's issues aren't as bad as other kids, but around "normal" people, I feel as if they think something is wrong with me because my son has all these problems.

    I feel the need to explain myself to the family unit because from time to time they do watch the kids for me. Because of their attitudes, I try to do it as little as possible. I have a good friend who tries to help when she can, but she has an ADHD boy also. He & GHG don't click at all so she can only help when he's at his moms.

    I don't do much with-o the kids because the worry of leaving them with- a babysitter and what ghg will try pulling. If I have time for myself, it's when husband is home or the kids are in school. husband constantly tells me to go do something by myself, but I feel naked with-o the kids tagging along. I've taken them everywhere for so long that it's what I expect to do. It drives me crazy when I see people leaving their kids with- a sitter all the time to just go out. I vowed I would be the one to raise my kids ~ not a babysitter.

    I'm working on getting out of the house with-o kids, though. GHG's therapist invited me to be a core member of the organizational end of a local chapter of a national mental illness organization (didn't know if I could say their name). I'm chairperson of the Parents of Kids program, took on committee chair for the newsletter and involved in 4 other committees. We plan to take it public in September. Through this organization, I've also been accepted to attend teacher training in Sept. I would be teaching an 8 week class to parents, caregivers, support circles of children with- mental health issues giving them resources, education and support.

    Another big step for me is that GHG's therapist has asked if I would be intered in co-facilitating a sex offender treatment group with him starting in Sept when his caseload reaches 4 aggreesive offenders. This will give me some experience that I lack in my field of interest/career.

    Part of me is so ready to get out of the house and start working again, but the other part of me worries if I'll be able to because of the issues that arise with- GHG. When he was having rages, it would knock me so out of whack ~ I felt completely scattered and my mind wasn't organized.

    I looked back over our reports from the university ~ the testing done was educational, psychological, occupational therapy, physican, nutritionist, speech. Each professional spent an hour with him doing various tests. They addressed/diagnosed uneven cognitive development and how it will eventually lead to learning disabilities; receptive/expressive language disorder. Has he been diagnosed with those or just that they have results that point to it? I've never held any of our reports from any part of our treatment circle from school to therapist to psychiatric's to general physician. I've signed all the papers giving permission to all to communicate with- each other. I have nothing to hide because what it boils down to is I know there's something wrong with- my son and I will get him the help he needs to "suceed in life" (whatever that success may mean).
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the volunteer offers and job training offer!

    I think once you show up a few times, you'll learn how to detach. Sometimes just the car ride to the ofc will get you to snap out of it. (That's why some people like long commutes.)

    Maybe I am putting too much emphasis on the word WILL rather than MAY, but I do not necessarily agree that because your difficult child has uneven cognitive dev that it will devel into LDs (implying lifetime LDs). You can do interventions and tutoring to make sure that does not happen. (In our case, we held our son back a grade, then used Sylvan for educ., a psychiatrist for emotional issues, outside sports for physical activities, and now, he's at an ADHD camp. One thing we still need to do is use the svs of an Occupational Therapist (OT). Then I want to take him back for testing to see what sorts of changes have taken place--which I'm sure my husband will say is a waste of time because we can see for ourselves.)

    Learning Disability (LD) can be a catch-all term. Did they say it was inevitable? Is he a grade level or 2 behind?
  18. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    No, they didn't say it was inevitable ... they said it was likely because of the unevenness. While doing IQ testing at 5 yrs old, they said his perceptional reasoning and block formation were in the 10 yr old range (on the IQ scale 131, rated very superior) while other parts of the testing were just below average at 85. He has high nonverbal skills and below average verbal skills. During question answer portion, if he didn't know the answer, he would just sit there not saying anything.

    For the most part he is on track educationally. His spelling and math are strong ~ I got to the point that I told him if he can spell all the words on his spelling list on day one that I wouldn't force him to write the words 10 times as the teacher assigned (yes, I told the teacher this as well) and generally he did awesome. A few times he did write the words, but not often. Reading is his sore subject ~ he is behind but not drastically. At the end of 3rd grade, he was in the beginning of 3rd grade level so at least he was in the same grade level with Title 1 help.

    He uses a "Pencil Grip" to help with- holding his pencil correctly ~ before using it, he was writing the way I do and very heavy/hard pencil strokes that made his hand tired quickly.

    Thanks for the congrats ~ I'm pretty thrilled about the offender group especially!
  19. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    One hour is not long enough to diagnose anything.
    My son was tested for ten hours, in two hour increments, and given every test under the sun as well as observed. I would still schedule a neuropsychologist appointment. and hope you get a complete evaluation this time. Trust me, it beats a school evaluation.
    Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
  20. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just popping in to add my welcome-I'm glad you found us! As to the family support issues, I share more with those I know will be accepting, I tend to open up more here and to friends although family does know the issues-there is no hiding it in my difficult child's case but they don't know everything going on.